Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

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To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

It’s an unusual place Op

Breastfeeding a two and a half year old in a shop is totally unnecessary. Ask yourself: are you doing it for him or for the easy pacification it brings/personal gratification you get from him continuing to physically need you waaaaaay past the point when breast milk is needed for nutrition in a western developed country.

I have a congenital disease that gives me mobility issues and I use a walking stick. I've sat down on the shoe stool thingys a few times while walking around a big shop browsing (with the intention of making a purchase), because I've needed a sit down for about a minute when I've got really achy or tired or whatever. Obviously I wouldn't do this if the shop was busy and full of customers wanting to try on shoes, but in the scenario described by the op where it's quiet with lots of empty stools then I'd go for it. I don't think many people would consider me unreasonable for doing so... At least I've never been told that I am.

Yep dividing has got it - all about the personal gratification.
Fucking clueless

And a toddler fussing for the breast, a toddler who can physically paw at your top rather than be left crying in a pram while you rush around looking for someone more suitable to breastfeed, is actually far harder to deal with in my experience.

And if you think being judged by a load of strangers for breastfeeding your toddler, gives people personal gratification, you have no idea. At least for me anyway, I absolutely hated it. The judgement from others was the worst part of breastfeeding, as someone who is reserved and fairly shy, I absolutely hated it. I liked breastfeeding in the privacy of my own home but I hated it with a passion in a public setting, no matter the age DD was at the time, because "being kind" rarely seems to apply to a breastfeeding mother in my experience. The ones who were kind stood out with their kindness, and I think that's very sad considering it's just a mother feeding and comforting their child.

I’m totally pro breastfeeding fed both of mine to 2 years but a 2.5 year old toddler does not need feeding on demand so you are being unreasonable. Did you not have any fruit / drinks / snacks with you?

You're actually not totally pro-BFing at all. You're pro-BFing in limited circumstances that fit your view of what's appropriate. That's very different.

How could it have been OK to give him a drink but not to BF him?

How about if the drink was milk? Is it OK for him to have cows' BM but not his mother's?

All the nonsense about how he could be made to wait is ridiculous. We give toddlers things all the time that we could choose to make them wait for; drinks, snacks, toys, cuddles, shoulder rides, etc. What is so awful about BM that they should be made to wait for it?

No child is going to end up spoilt or unable to manage their own emotions just because their mother let them BF at times there was a convenient place to sit that nobody else needed and she had the time and the inclination to do so.

Yes, the child could have been made to wait but there was nothing to be gained by doing so. If it's OK to cuddle a child somewhere, it's OK to BF them there. It has no impact on anyone else unless they are actively looking to be offended.

The more people BF openly whenever their child (of any age) asks for it, the better. It makes it more normal which will, in turn, mean that more people are accustomed to seeing it and more mothers are supported to do it.

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said..... Why would anyone choose to breast feed - or bottle feed - a baby in a shoe shop?

Would it make a difference if the baby in question was bottle fed?

Why would anyone choose to breast feed - or bottle feed - a baby in a shoe shop?

Why would anyone have a problem with feeding a baby or toddler in a safe place where they woudn't be inconveniencing anybody, such as one of many empty seats in a shoe shop where they had just made a purchase?

I can't even read past the first page. Typical comments about extended breastfeeding. There's enough negativity I cannot be arsed.

OP YANBU & it is beautiful you are practising extended breastfeeding. Keep going Love & happiness your way

Why would anyone have a problem with feeding a baby or toddler in a safe place where they woudn't be inconveniencing anybody, such as one of many empty seats in a shoe shop where they had just made a purchase

OP hasn't said in her original post that she had made a purchase.

You have shoe shops that provide "many empty seats". Lucky you! There are usually 4 seats max for trying on shoes in my town. The seats in a shoe shop are for people to try on shoes. They are not meant for people to saunter in, sit down, make themselves comfy and feed their babies! Especially when the "baby" is a toddler!

YADNBU OP
It is your legal right to breastfeed your child in a public place when you need to.

I feed my daughter wherever I damn well please and I won't be told it is odd or inappropriate. It is biologically normal FFS.

TBH you can all go ahead and judge me; I am giving my child the absolute best nature can provide in so many more ways than you can understand. Even WHO guidelines are to BF until at least two.

So glad I didn't encounter most of the people round here near Xmas when trying to do last min Xmas shopping in smyths with screaming baby and was so frustrated I ended up walking as far to the back of the shop as possible sitting on the floor and feeding her... Toddler is almost 3 now and he will wait if I ask him but at 2.5 I would have also stopped wherever I was and found somewhere to sit and feed him even for a few mins for comfort.
... I'd have been really upset at Xmas had the staff in smyths approached me like the shoe shop staff did you.. at the end of the day they have no idea how hard or easy parenting has been that particular day and we all are doing our best and if you needed to feed your child for a few mins for whatever reason then you should

YANBU . I think if you'd just walked in and used it as a bench that would be a bit cheeky, but if you'd bought shoes that's fine. I think this is more about attitudes to extended bf than anything else. I hate this narrow idea of what's ok ie you shoyld bf but only to a year. The more people that do it in public the more it is normalised still bf my 3.5 year old but too embarrassed to do it in public sadly

Some posters on this thread either hate babies or hate mothers. Because there’s no other explanation for some of these vile and bigoted comments.

Would you say such hateful things about people with other protected characteristics , such as race, religion or disability ? Do you think it’s disgusting or exhibitionist for Jews or African people to eat or drink in public ?

What about wheel chair users - do they have to wait until they get home to have a drink in case they offend your sensibilities ?

Wow I’m so shocked by some of these responses. Can only imagine it’s cultural difference (I’m an Aussie)?!

Imo everyone should be free to breastfeed wherever and whenever they choose to. That’s part of international breastfeeding initiative strategies. Destigmatise breastfeeding. Make it more convenient for people to breastfeed.

Honestly can’t see how people could argue that Yabu! I’m totally gobsmacked. It’s so ignorant and anti breastfeeding. God this is kinda infuriating

OBVIOUSLY you didn’t drive to a shoe store, go in and sit down to breastfeed your child without any intention to buy shoes. Geesh, do people really need the OP to clarify that?!

And why should he be made to wait? If he wants it and the op is happy to provide it? Why is another situation/location more appropriate?

ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE EXTENDED BF! Be honest with yourself.

Geez

Similarly why on earth would giving him a snack or a drink out of a bottle more appropriate? This is all about people’s disagreement and discomfort around extended bfing. They just wont admit it

@EasterIssland Yes I have breast fed myself! Breast feeding should not be about 'comfort' and that is actually quite disturbing......

How many animals do you see suckling on their mother past the weaning age? Surely if it was beneficial then it would be standard practice, not just by animals/other mammals but by us humans too?

*Yes I have breast fed my child myself!

Ok last post as I need to stop reading the posts on this thread as they’re just making me angrier and angrier

Well done OP for sticking up for yourself and helping to normalise breastfeeding. I hope you put in a complaint with the store as it was inappropriate how they dealt with you.

I was in an airport business lounge recently and when I asked the receptionist whether it was ok for me to pump in the toilet for half an hour (there was only one toilet) she told me to just sit in the main lounge area to pump, since there was no one else there. And so I did. Didn’t want to balance bottles/pump/bags on my knees in a dirty toilet. Other times I’ll breastfeed and staff will ask me whether I’m comfortable and offer me alternatives if I preferred. That’s how it should be.

And for all those other posters who are disgusted by extended bfing, my child is 14 months. Is that young enough to be acceptable to you? Or should I seek out a discreet corner in a quiet cafe every time I need to feed him? Never mind it would then cost me at least £2 for a drink, and I try to avoid caffeinated drinks, and have an active 3 year old who needs wrangling. Never mind that I might not be anywhere near a cafe, and would need to pack everyone and everything into a car, find one with parking, pay £2 for parking etc. Talk about supporting breastfeeding!

@HavenDilemma

Oh so you want to talk about natural weaning age compared to other species?

Here is a small excerpt from a research paper written by an anthropologist:
In a group of 21 species of non-human primates (monkeys and apes) studied by Holly Smith, she found that the offspring were weaned at the same time they were getting their first permanent molars. In humans, that would be: 5.5-6.0 years.

This is a meta-analysis of methodologies used to compare natural weaning age of other species to humans.

Search for natural age of weaning if you want to see the whole paper.

How many animals do you see suckling on their mother past the weaning age? Surely if it was beneficial then it would be standard practice, not just by animals/other mammals but by us humans too?

Humans plan children. Animals give birth regularly, sometimes to litters and mostly wean their older offspring before or when the next comes along. And orangutans sometimes breastfeed for 7 years so I'm not sure what point you are trying to make.

Meant to also add to my post- animal development stages are obviously different to humans, so you can't go by "age" of weaning animals as if a 2 year old dog is the same "age" as a 2 year old human.