Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

[Refreshed]

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

@Mamato2gorgeousboys

Any woman should be able to feed her child wherever and when ever she wants... that’s why it’s a law. Anyone who thinks differently is wrong. By law.

And yet no-one has been able to explain to me why breast feeding their child is inconsiderate....

@Yesterdayforgotten Case & point.

I used to breastfeed my babies pretty much anywhere, but a toddler in the middle of a shop, whether it's busy or not? YABU.

It totally lacks the urgency of a baby's need to breastfeed.

The act of breastfeeding isn’t inconsiderate. Where you do it can be inconsiderate as there are plenty of places where you can feed without impacting on others (e.g a shop where there is limited seating for people trying to sell or buy shoes).

@sauvignonblancplz I meant to tag you in my previous post as it was in response to yours.

@MrHodgeymaheg

Your post made me think.
I would probably have a slightly uncomfortable reactions if I saw a toddler being bf in a shop, not because I believe it's wrong, its because when I had my children 35 years ago breastfeeding was very hard and to be done almost in secret. When you're living in that mindset it influences your thoughts. However, the important thing is that I would know I'm being unreasonable and it's my problem, not the woman doing the feeding. So I'd most likely behave in a way that opposes my misguided feelings and sit next to the woman, smile and look like I don't give a shit about what she's doing. I don't like the way I'd feel and hopefully one day I won't feel that way.
What I do hate and disapprove of is seeing toddlers with bottles full of milky tea, eating bags of crisps, sausage rolls, sweets, bottles of Fruit Shoot and all other crap 'foodstuffs'. Oh, and being shouted at whilst having a strop in a shop because their parent can't be bothered to comfort them.

OP I'd like to congratulate you both on maintaining BF into toddlerhood and for the calm and rational way you've dealt with some ignorant, rude and weird opinions in your thread.

I've noticed that a few posters have already pointed out that no matter what anyone else's thoughts are on your breastfeeding situation, the law is clear that you were not being unreasonable, you were acting within the law and the shop assistant was not. Are you going to complain? Because all staff should be trained to know that they are not allowed to ask a breastfeeding woman to stop and/or leave.

@Mamato2gorgeousboys
So then as we know from rtt, the shop was empty, she was a paying customer so she wasn’t just randomly there, therefore she wasn’t being U, isn’t that right?

@Dieu so where is acceptable to feed a toddler according to you?

@Soontobe60
Well said, if more people acknowledged that we have been trained to think it’s something to be done in secret we would be able to move on & hopefully force ourselves to develop different, better ways of thinking so that other women don’t feel this same judgement.

@sauvignonblancplz You really have an obnoxious way of replying don’t you?

No, I don’t think Op should have fed in a shop. End of.

@Mamato2gorgeousboys
No I don’t but hey ... that’s not the topic at hand is it?

YABU. Those seats in shoe shops are not your general relaxing chairs for weary shoppers or breastfeeding mothers. They are usually uncomfortable cubes placed in a row SPECIFICALLY for people to perch on to try on shoes. If the shop had had a normal chair away from the 'trying-on area' and you had sat on that one then YWNBU.

@PickettBowtruckles

At a coffee shop or cafe, as a paying customer. Not in the middle of a shop. No need for it.

It's sad to see people think so little of the benefits breastfeeding brings toddlers and small children. I'm just watching my DS sleeping and thinking how he could possibly be too old to feed. He's a little dot and still a baby really, yes yes I know he's technically not and is treated differently to babies... but you get what I mean. The butty sketch certainly doesn't come to mind when I see him feeding.

I know someone who breastfeeds her 6 year old. I was very shocked and felt slightly uncomfortable to see it at first. But the difference is, I acknowledged in my head that it is 100% my issue and nothing to do with the mother and child. My problem, not theirs. And I worked on it and educated myself some more on breastfeeding.

It seems BF babies is more commonly supported in England now but 'extended' BF is still very much frowned upon. A real shame. I can't breastfeed around certain family members anymore and that truly upsets me.

My situation today is just the tip of the iceberg

The thing is, many of us here do not feel that for a 2.5 year old, breastfeeding immediately on demand is a need.

We feel it is a want.

God help us if we start putting wants of toddlers top of the list.

Well done @refreshed you’ve done incredibly well to keep Breast feeding.

I do not think you were unreasonable at all.

@Refreshed

I don’t think MN is a good demographic to judge wider people’s perceptions, and most people wouldn’t be rude enough to challenge you .
I’m sorry it happened to you today, but genuinely hats off to you. Breastfeeding is demanding and exhausting but oh so rewarding .

What are you going to do Op?

Has your view changed?

@iolaus oh ok I get you. I still disagree though! 😃 I mean, the entire reason breastfeeding is a protected activity is because it meets a child's needs in a unique and complete way. That's true regardless of the age of the child, I think. If a child is still feeding and wants a feed, then just feed her. No need for faffing on with alternatives and it's inappropriate to do so because they don't want an alternative and you're, well, there.

Agree that feeding around 12-15 months can be unwieldy and uncomfortable (why do you stand up, just out of curiosity? It's much easier if you sit down) but by 2.5 years they're just zipping on and off - it really doesn't take long, and of course you need to sit down due to the weight of the child, but by that stage the entire process is streamlined really and very efficient.

Yes op you're right about extended bf being frowned on. My DD stopped at 3 and before she did I went through a stage of panicking because she was getting big, I'd had my in-laws make disgusted faces at it (from since she was still a baby tbf) so I was very nervous whenever I was our of the house or had visitors, but she stopped when she was ready and looking back on it I'm really glad I did what felt right for me and her. I don't regret a thing except that my fear of judgement sometimes turned something that I mostly really enjoyed, into a stressful situation when it really shouldn't have to be that way.

This thread makes for such depressing reading.

I still BF my 2.5 year old once or twice a day. Some people's attitudes to a parent comforting her son are mind boggling.

OP, YANBU

Was your child so desperate to be fed that you couldn't go to a cafe or somewhere more suited to sitting down and having food or drink? I breast fed all my children but never ever considered sitting in a shoe shop to do it.

You were a bit lacking in imagination then Flopsy, weren't you?