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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
marmitepasta · 17/02/2020 17:59

Yanbu.
If the shop had been busy and you bfing meant others could not sit down to try shoes then you would have been u. Bit that was not the case so it's fine imo.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 17/02/2020 18:03

If someone wants to breastfeed until their child is 18 I don't care. However, it makes me feel uncomfortable so I take myself away from the situation and so if I was in that shop this morning I would have left without buying anything.

pollysproggle · 17/02/2020 18:09

I'm pro extended breastfeeding and I did it with DS2 but at that age I wouldn't feed on demand in a shop however if it was only for a few minutes I don't know why they said anything to you.

YappityYapYap · 17/02/2020 18:10

HerRoyalFattyness, despair all you like, that's how the professionals are thinking these days, that you really don't need to treat a child with ASC completely different to any other child. Learning to cope and being patient are good traits in people and not traits that an autistic person is incapable of learning. I don't know why it's a bad thing that I don't want my child to act like a spolit brat and demand he gets what he wants when he wants just because he may have autism. He is capable of many things and patience is one of them, waiting 2 or 3 minutes for food or waiting our turn in a queue. The world won't change, it shouldn't, waiting for food is a given and so is queuing. How do you suggest the world changes to allow autistic people to never have to wait for anything?

HerRoyalFattyness · 17/02/2020 18:13

I'm not saying don't teach children patience.
I'm saying comfort your frigging kids.
As a professional myself, and being actually autistic I am well aware of the abilities autistic people are capable of learning.
But a toddler in need of comfort should be comforted.

mumof2exhausted · 17/02/2020 18:17

I’m totally pro breastfeeding fed both of mine to 2 years but a 2.5 year old toddler does not need feeding on demand so you are being unreasonable. Did you not have any fruit / drinks / snacks with you?

Greenpolkadot · 17/02/2020 18:17

If he only wanted a quickie why couldn't you wait.

BumbleBree · 17/02/2020 18:18

Laurie I actually feel really awkward having anything to drink in a shop as they don’t want you to eat and drink in them. Many have signs, it’s not a new thing. If I did have a drink if something it would be quick and discreet while I was walking round. I wouldn’t go and specifically sit down there to drink my coffee.

Greenpolkadot · 17/02/2020 18:19

And why isn't 2.5 year old drinking out of feeder cup

hydeandrun · 17/02/2020 18:19

I am totally puzzled why so many are opposed to this. You don't have to breastfeed your own toddler but surely it doesn't cause harm to anyone if the OP does in this circumstance.

what is so offensive about it??? Confused

Merename · 17/02/2020 18:19

I knew as soon as I read your OP that a majority of people would say yabu. There is a real weirdness around breastfeeding, especially toddlers, in this country that is so very sad. She would not have told you to move if you sat to give your child a cuddle, which is effectively what you were doing. It’s not the same as sitting to give your child a snack. I wish there were a way to educate people as to the emotional/attachment aspect of breastfeeding, without alienating people who don’t want to/can’t breastfeed, but I can’t see it tbh.

hydeandrun · 17/02/2020 18:20

And why isn't 2.5 year old drinking out of feeder cup.

who says the DC does not? he just happened to BF in the shop. much easier and less messy that way

DesLynamsMoustache · 17/02/2020 18:20

And why isn't 2.5 year old drinking out of feeder cup

Because OP doesn't have feeder cups stuck on her chest providing breastmilk? Confused

MyuMe · 17/02/2020 18:33

My 2 year old is fed 3 times in the night and has about 5 feeds in the day one big one at nap time and the rest are just a few minutes it’s actually quite normal

That's normal for a 3 month old.

A 2 yo should be sleeping through

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 17/02/2020 18:33

I breast fed my dd until she was 3 and a half so definitely not against extended breast feeding.

I did work hard though, once she was about 2 to stop feeding on demand if it was just for comfort because it's an important step in development. She was starting to go to playgroup for half days and I needed to leave her occasionally with grandparents or her dad so we had to have other ways of comforting her other than just me.

Op how do you manage if say you are walking round the supermarket or a smaller shop that doesn't have seats? It was convenient that you were in a shop with seats but presumably if no seats were available you would have had to have managed in some other way?

As for the EA, people are quoting that it says that bf mums can't be discriminated against - is that what it says? Surely there's a difference between "not discriminated against" and the right to bf anywhere? I understand that if I were sitting in a cafe for example, and then proceeded to bf and was asked to move, that would be discrimination but does the law really give me the right to enter any business and start bf? How can that be fair? I'd be taking up space that a paying customer could be using, why do businesses have to support that? They don't have to make their toilets available to the public do they, and can choose to restrict access only to customers so why do private businesses have to give space to a bf mum who isn't a customer?

LetItGoHome · 17/02/2020 18:36

I'm honestly shocked at the number of people who think that this is unreasonable behaviour. I only managed to read the first 5 or 6 pages but just needed to comment as I find the majority of opinions and attitudes to breast feeding frankly outrageous. OP, breast feed your child where ever he needs it. It really isn't anyone's business. I'd also write a letter of complaint to head office. I'd hate a new breast feeding mum to have her confidence knocked with attitudes like that of the shop worker.

Bubbles1402 · 17/02/2020 18:40

milk out of a breast what is the big deal why are breasts so offensive I don’t understand 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

JJPC · 17/02/2020 18:42

I wouldn’t sit my toddler down in a shop for a drink of water or some apple slices. Similarly I wouldn’t breastfeed a toddler in a shop. My toddlers are old enough to understand that they need to wait and are old enough that they are able to wait. I don’t feel like my right to breastfeed trumps the shops right to sell whatever their selling to actual customers.

Original poster
Refreshed · 17/02/2020 18:48

What do you mean actual customers? I was an actual customer.

OP posts:
Anxietyandwine · 17/02/2020 18:50

If they’d have asked the same of a bottle feeding mother then fair is fair. That makes it a ‘stop using our chairs if you’re not trying on shoes’ issue, not a ‘can you not breastfeed here’ issue.

However, sounds a bit mean if it wasn’t busy and there are other seats around, so wouldn’t say you were BU.

Well done for feeding your baby til 2.5 years also Smile

Sharkyfan · 17/02/2020 18:55

I think you had every right to feed your toddler there
But I personally and I think many others, wouldn’t have done. At that age I think most toddlers would be able to wait.
And those seats were for trying on shoes.
Whether you agree or not you must realise that some prospective customers could have been put off sitting next to you to try on shoes. They might think that sitting right next to when you have your boob/s out would make you feel uncomfortable.

I also wouldn’t have given a bottle to a 2 hr old there as it wouldn’t have taken long to pop somewhere more appropriate like a cafe.

MyuMe · 17/02/2020 18:55

I think it is the child age that is a factor

If a 2.5 yo was creating and wanting a drink or a snack they would be taught patience (hopefully) and told to wait.

Breastfeeding a child of that age, who is old enough to wait oh that's fine then do what you want

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 17/02/2020 18:59

Still on the YANBU side but the story being added to in convenient ways to counter objections is doing my head in.

Initially no mention of buying anything until people said it would be ok if you were a customer.

When people said it'd be ok if DC had SEN, DC has SEN.

Now that people have said they'd be uncomfortable with a 2.5 child BFing, the DC suddenly resembles a 1 year old.

You're not BU, you know you're not BU (hence you arguing with everyone). It just feels like you're trying to swing the vote and I don't get why. Confused

Figgygal · 17/02/2020 19:04

What an odd thing to do with a child of that age
Whatever the drip feed

Mistystar99 · 17/02/2020 19:04

Too old to have any need to do it in public. Pretty grim in a shoe shoe. Sorry!