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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

999 replies

Refreshed · 17/02/2020 11:46

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible Confused

OP posts:
Bubbles1402 · 17/02/2020 17:14

@JRUIN

SHE CAN FEED HER TODDLER WHERE SHE WANTS ! It doesn’t change because there a toddler , how snobby are you !

Wickedwitchofthewest789 · 17/02/2020 17:15

Were you buying shoes? That's what the chairs are for - it's a shop, a business, not a creche for breastfeeding toddlers who could probably wait anyway!

LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 17:15

You come across as quite the entitled exhibitionist

And we wonder why our bfing rates are low. Jeez.

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons · 17/02/2020 17:15

This thread is depressing. YANBU to bf your child in a shop where you were a customer.

FWIW I think the comparison for a toddler BF is a cuddle rather than a snack.

ethelfleda · 17/02/2020 17:18

I'd rather that then him screaming the shop down personally

This!
I doubt I’d have noticed if you were doing it OP. Women who have bf until that age tend to have the public nursing thing down to a fine art Smile

LaurieMarlow · 17/02/2020 17:19

I’m a manager in retail, there’s reasons why shops now don’t want people eating/drinking in shops

I’m not challenging that, however I see people drinking coffees in shops all the fucking time.

Bfing is a lot less messy than drinking out of cups/bottles by the way.

JRUIN · 17/02/2020 17:20

SHE CAN FEED HER TODDLER WHERE SHE WANTS ! It doesn’t change because there a toddler , how snobby are you !

Not in that shoe shop she can't. And there's no need to shout, I'm not deaf!

JRUIN · 17/02/2020 17:22

And we wonder why our bfing rates are low. Jeez.

I did my bit in keeping the rates up a bit by breastfeeding all 5 of mine, just not in public if I could avoid it, unlike OP.

YappityYapYap · 17/02/2020 17:23

I have a DS that is being assessed for ASC and I don't find it disrespectful that a PP said ASC or not, toddlers of the age 2.5 can wait. They can. It's absolutely the age where they need to learn that their needs can't always be met there and then and that life is often unpredictable. Infact my DS's speech therapist said it's vital to change up the routine sometimes and deal with a tantrum by not immediately placating them so that they don't then grow up and have no patience waiting for food, in queues etc.

Autism is autism but it's not who the child is and what their whole life will be. They will need to grow and become older children and adults just like NT children will so if they spend their young childhood constantly getting what they need as and when they want it, they will never learn patience. They still need to learn and evolve like every other child does and learn to cope with not being able to cope

sauvignonblancplz · 17/02/2020 17:24

@JRUIN
She can actually feed her child in that shoe shop or any shoe shop.
Beware breastfeeding mothers could be feeding in any shoe shop at any time. The horror !

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/02/2020 17:25

@YappityYapYap spot on

Jellybeansincognito · 17/02/2020 17:26

Indeed @YappityYapYap the world won’t change for them.

hiimmumma · 17/02/2020 17:27

I can't be bothered to read all the replies as they all seem to miss the point entirely. OP is feeding a child well within the average biological natural weaning age so anyone saying a 2.5yo shouldMy feed on demand has no idea what they are talking about.

If more people did this then perhaps it would become culturally normal and we wouldn't have such low breastfeeding rates and such an premature weaning age in this country.

It's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public. Whatever the age of the child. So she was in the wrong. Even if it was busy and you didn't buy anything she would still have been wrong.

sauvignonblancplz · 17/02/2020 17:27

@JRUIN
Why would you actively avoid it?
It is 100% your choice but is their a particular reason?

HerRoyalFattyness · 17/02/2020 17:31

Such disgusting comments about the world not changing for people with autism.
Maybe if it did, us autistic people would find life easier and not upset you so much with our mere existence Hmm

A 2 year old needing comfort, ASD or not, should be comforted.
I honestly despair for a lot of posters children if they're making them wait for comfort as this thread suggests.

1Morewineplease · 17/02/2020 17:33

Just wondering whether some elderly folk might find it a bit awkward trying on shoes next to someone breastfeeding a toddler. Similarly, there may be some folk from other cultures who might feel awkward about this.
There are so many more places to breastfeed these days, so pared to when I had my babies and I’m glad of it , but, I would never dream of just strolling into a shoe shop, plonking myself down on a shoe-trying stool and whipping out my saggers to placate a two and a half year old who should be able to wait just a few minutes more.

Kittensinmysupper · 17/02/2020 17:34

At 2.5 years one would think the child was eating solids so milk from mum. Is a 'snack' and child can be told 'no'. You sound a bit entitled OP.

JRUIN · 17/02/2020 17:34

Because I prefer to do it in private @sauvignonblancplz, plus to a certain extent I respect the fact that it may make others feel uncomfortable.

ethelfleda · 17/02/2020 17:35

It's absolutely the age where they need to learn that their needs can't always be met there and then and that life is often unpredictable

In your opinion. And you get to parent your own children however you like. Maybe the OP has different ideas to you and doesn’t want to teach er child to wait for a little bit of comfort??

MarthasGinYard · 17/02/2020 17:36

Unless you were trying on shoes at same time YWBU.

Sweetpea84 · 17/02/2020 17:39

Sorry a 2.5 year old does not need to be breastfeed in a shoe shop stop being entitled

ethelfleda · 17/02/2020 17:42

Sorry a 2.5 year old does not need to be breastfeed in a shoe shop stop being entitled

People do lots of things in shops that they don’t need to do. I’ve sat on a seat in a shoe shop texting someone whilst waiting for DH to pick out some shoes.

PumpkinPie2016 · 17/02/2020 17:47

YABU. If he was a young baby then fine, no problem at all. However, he is 2.5 and will be eating solids so the breastmilk is largely a drink/snack.

Surely, he could have waited for a couple of minutes while you found a cafe or whatever? Surely, he had eaten/had a drink before coming out? Certainly at 2.5 my son could have waited a few minutes to eat/drink.

It sounds like you just wanted to try to make a point to be honest.

nachthexe · 17/02/2020 17:50

Pro extended bf. Kids with an. Still wouldn’t have done it. Children with an need to learn to deal with the world in the same way that other children do. In some ways we store up extra problems for our kids with an by assuming they are unable to learn social norms. And 2.5 is way too early to be making the call that they are unable to learn, and possibly detrimental to their development by not giving them the chance.
That said, we all do what we do, and life is hard enough anyway without trying to deal with toddler tantrums in shoe stores, however ordinary they are.
I wouldn’t have fed the toddler. I’d have used other tactics (like I had to for my one child with an who was not able to bf due to oromotor issues and was initially ng fed). I’d have used it as another learning opportunity to aid his development. But sometimes as mums we take the easy way out, because we’re knackered and can’t deal with yet another learning opportunity and take the chance that we won’t be making life harder for ourselves and our kids. Life is pretty much a gamble.
An or not, I don’t think dropping everything to bf a 2.5yo is remotely necessary. Legal to do wherever and whenever, sure, but not really a great idea in the longer term. I don’t think all of the criticism comes from distaste of bf - a lot comes from different child-rearing practices. Someone who doesn’t believe in saying no to a child, who believes that children are autonomous creatures who should be able to choose whether to greet granny or not is always going to feel differently about the extent of child-led practices than someone who believes that children should be respectful to elderly relatives and learn to be quiet/ do as they are told. There are whole myriads of beliefs and trends as to the best way to raise children. Some are going to be at odds with (baha) ‘ostentatious’ toddler bf in these sort of circus, unrelated to the act of bf itself.

MrsStrangerThing · 17/02/2020 17:50

YANBU at all op. I don't really care if some people are uncomfortable around bf, that is completely their issue for them to explore and wonder why they feel that way.... OP has every right to feed her toddler in a shop where she had just made a purchase. It is NOT her problem if some strange people have an issue with a child receiving comfort and nutrition from their mother.

OP I would be inclined to message the shop to let them know how this made you feel.