Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

[Refreshed]

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

I can't believe people are turning the OP into a "criminal" for feeding her child... saying that she is giving into the child's demands or that the child is too old. She's just feeding the child. Sometimes 'snacks' are good for energy levels. Like I said OP, you should have just forgotten about the rude shop assistant. Surely this is worse! Leave off everyone!

@LipsyGirl
So again instead of just seeing a mum with a toddler having a nurse , instead of just shock horror getting on with life and being kind and realising there is absolutely no harm in it at all- the child needs to have SN for it to be acceptable?
That’s what you’re saying. You sound ridiculous and judgemental trying to create conditions around it.
Should the mother have felt the need to explain all this ? No, she should have been left in peace.

@AmICrazyorWhat2 appart from law says a bf mum and child is protected by law and cant be asked to move.

I don't think you were being unreasonable Refreshed

I cant believe this sort of disapproval is still going on. I suspect quite a few posters don't breastfeed let alone breastfeed toddlers. I breast fed all mine. DS1 for four months and milk stopped due to shock. DS2 was about 18mths and stopped of his own accord, DS3 was fed until past three were I had quite a bit of disapproval and DD was fed full time until I went back to college and then part time until about 2.6 years.
DS3 had lots of allergies including dairy, egg and soya and that was why I continued to feed him. That sometimes included being out where I got the most disapproval. As OP says this was often a quick few minute feed because he was thirsty.
OP has said plenty of seating available and didn't feel she was taking up space. Had already bought shoes so she was a customer.

My youngest is 28. DS3 is 33 and yet breastfeeding mums are still being subjected to criticism. Majority people are mums on here yet you feel that you can criticise other mums. Shouldn't we be supporting each other to make motherhood easier. It doesn't matter if you didn't have the full facts surely breastfeeding is a natural function.
I would write to the manager and point out you were upset/embarrassed at being asked to stop OP. If you don't get an apology I would be also tempted to contact NCT and stage a breast-feeding sit in.

You would think after forty years being able to breast feeding wouldn't be such a problem these days. You are doing a great job OP

@sauvignonblancplz

It's a wonderful bond, but I didn't do it anywhere and everywhere. But that was me and my two lost interest around 10-11 months anyway.

I can see that the OP has more to deal with than I did when my two are toddlers so I sympathise - but again, I wouldn't feed a toddler anything in a shop, too risky!

I Think the question you should
Ask yourself is could your 2.5 year old have waited. A 2.5 month old fair enough, they can have a hard time waiting. At 2.5 years it’s the same as setting up a picnic in the middle of the shop
With a sandwich and juice. I wouldn’t do that. I would ask them to wait 5 minutes until we were somewhere suitable!

Btw, I’m all for breastfeeding and have at times breastfed my smaller baby in shops, because they couldn’t wait ;)

@OpportunityKnocks because it goes against my personal beliefs and values

I’m so glad you mentioned this @Pinkyyy. Because that man who was drinking coffee in the shoe shop - I’m really concerned that it was cows milk in the coffee. I’m vegan so drinking animal products is totally against my personal beliefs and values.

Do you have any suggestions how I can stop people drinking or eating them in public anywhere near me ?

@sauvignonblancplz I haven’t actually ever said I’m against it. I’d rather you didn’t put words in my mouth. I’ve explained IMO it’s odd to me, maybe it’s odd to me because I wouldn’t be comfortable doing this, but Op is & it’s clear she has her reasons which is fair enough. The initial Op suggested her child was hungry rather than wanting emotional support. That’s what I based my response on. If my DS was hungry I wouldn’t whip out a jar of Cow&gate but my DS would simply be hungry rather than needing support

Yanbu. Literally you did nothing that negatively impacted anyone.

At 2.5 years it’s the same as setting up a picnic in the middle of the shop

This is a ridiculous comparison. Surely you can see that? There really is a huge difference. A picnic is a spread of food. It makes mess. Certain food items would smell. Crumbs would happen. Juice could spill. How is that in any way comparable to a breastfeed? Other than the fact BMilk has nutritional content.

@LipsyGirl
I find many things odd, however I draw a very firm line at having any opinion, never mind a judgemental one, on what a woman does with her body or how and when she feeds/ consoles / parents her child.
She was causing absolutely no harm whatsoever.
Whether anyone would or would do it is not the point.
She should have been left in peace and not been made to feel awkward .
It’s a disgrace .

@Double3xposure good point!

@Pinkyyy we need less stigmas around breast feeding.

OP .... shop assistant really shouldn't have said that, especially if you were a customer, and you were being considerate.

@sauvignonblancplz I am so perplexed as to why you think somebody saying something is odd to them is judgmental this is an online thread where Op is asking for opinions. You are either not reading my replies/drawing your own conclusions or your very sensitive to other people’s opinions

Have I said she’s wrong?
Have I said “yes they should have asked her to leave?

No! Stop being so argumentative it’s embarrassing

I wouldn't feed my 2.5 year old in a shop. No need. They're trying to run a business. Hes not a baby, he can wait.

YANBU at all, but don't be surprised by the vitriol you're getting on MN - only a tiny fraction of people breastfeed for the recommended time, and people get VERY defensive about it, to the point where they dislike bf itself and those who do it.

I think a lot of it is unacknowledged guilt, and the rest is due to societal pressures that see women's breasts as primarily sexual objects rather than as a way of nourishing and comforting a child.

If you wouldn't have an issue with a parent cuddling a toddler to comfort them, then you shouldn't have an issue with someone briefly breastfeeding.

Well I'm glad that the law doesn't account for cultural values when it comes to breastfeeding in public.
The reason I said I personally wouldn't of fed a 2.5 year old in a shop is because no matter what the age of the child I have always aimed to make it to some sort of cafe, mainly for comfort reasons. I also wouldn't give my older child a drink from a bottle in the shop. Another reason I wouldn't of fed my 2.5 year old in the shop is because I know I can hold her off until we're in a cafe without having a meltdown.
I definitely wouldn't judge anyone who was breastfeeding a child of any age in a shop, it's none of my business.

A PP has said they don't like doing public breastfeeding due to cultural background.

I'd like to know which culture. Because I smell BS.

And my reason for being against BF in public is that goes against my cultural values

I'm intrigued to understand what 'cultural values' would be against feeding infants when they need it when out and about

I haven't RTFT because the responses got too depressing. On a forum for mothers, of all places, people are criticising the OP for breastfeeding? Jesus.

OP, ywnbu. At all. Even less so because you actually spent money in the shop and you weren't taking up a seat someone wanted for its 'intended purpose', but even that wasn't the case you still weren't being unreasonable.

Why on earth would someone go to a coffee shop, spend a few quid on a coffee, just to feed their child for a couple of minutes?

And those of you who insist seats must only ever be used for their intended purpose, you'd have had a fit at my behaviour when pregnant. If I saw a chair I was sitting in it, even if I wasn't trying on shoes 😮 Ooh and actually at the hairdressers the other week I sat down in the seat next to the one my daughter was sitting in to have her hair cut even though I wasn't myself having a hair cut. Criminal.

x post

For the poster asking why I won't accept the majority YABU result, it is because of people's ridiculous comparisons and not even thinly veiled dislike of BF
I voted YABU and I breastfed my eldest until he was around 2y 3m old. So no dislike of BF from me. I just think the middle of a shop is not the place to do it. Regardless of how busy the shop was, those seats are specifically for people to try on shoes. If there was nowhere else to do it, and you had already made your purchase from the shop, then why not go back to your car and feed him in comfort there. I don't know what your son's possible SEN is, but a 2.5 year old does not need breastfeeding on demand. But I accept that this is your choice. However if as you say it is a quick way to calm your son down, why not just remove him from the situation (which I presume was the shop environment) to calm him down?

Great minds Laurie. 💗

@Refreshed I've found this whole thread so disheartening as i'm expecting my first baby and can't believe all the negative attitudes here. You need to raise a complaint with the manager as the member of staff obviously does not know the law - sadly places don't really teach it. I used to work in a coffee shop and a guy i worked with came to ask me to move someone on for feeding as they thought it was an issue, he had no idea it was totally fine and legally protected. If people don't stand up for it then society will revert back to the archaic opinions i've read on this thread.

For what it's worth, i've definitely been unreasonable according to most of these posters for thinking its ok to have a quick sit and drink of water in a shoe shop whilst either browsing or buying...

@LipsyGirl
I’m merely challenging your ideals that something so natural and simple can only be understood under the conditions you’ve said.
You’ve described it as odd and while I don’t feel I’m particularly sensitive to it I feel more defensive on behalf of the OP and many other women who struggle getting out and about with young children for fear of judgement Esp whilst bfing.
Maybe by challenging what you’re saying you’ll think about what is what isn’t odd and treat the situation with a bit more kindness .
I’m responding to what you’re saying - that’s all.
I don’t think I’ve said anything that doesn’t have merit.
Your opinions seem based on such little understanding and a massive lack of compassion and empathy it genuinely confuses me.

Well done. I'm still bf my 2 1/2 year old, but I feed undercover now at home, not publicly. Whilst everyone is supportive of breastfeeding babies, I find you get sideways glances for feeding a toddler.