Breastfeeding toddler in a shop, AIBU?

[Refreshed]

To cut a long story short, out this morning and fed DS (2.5) sitting on a cushion seat in a shoe shop. A few other customers around but nobody even looking like they'd like to try on shoes. All other seats next to me completely free.

An assistant came up to me and said please can I do that somewhere else? The seats are for trying on seats only.

DS was done by this point anyway so I got up and left.

AIBU to have fed him there, and see it as an acceptable place to feed? No other people were sitting there and I wasn't preventing anyone from sitting next to us in the mny other seats avaible

Irregardless of your child’s needs , you are doing something wonderful for your child and should have been treated a lot more kindly .
A child’s needs don’t stop after 6months.
To those saying a 2.5 year old should wait - are being so , so , so judgemental.
If I see any woman feeling their child of any age I think fair dues- how frigging amazing!

because breastfeeding is a combination of love and an eating occasion. babies can’t separate both, older children learn to do so, and - except in extreme circumstances- can. so if the child was hungry, get them food (boob) in a food appropriate environment. if the child is upset, comfort them, but also teach them comforts. be a parent, help them to develop strategies. do it gently, and help them to develop

@myself2020, mothers have been BFing distressed toddlers for thousands of years without odd, arbitrary rules being applied. Do you have any evidence for why it is suddenly so important to separate food from comfort for a 2 YO?

*feeding

I have a child the same age and I'd expect her to wait. And that includes for a cuddle actually, if this is a comfort rather than food issue - if she tells me she wants a hug but I'm carrying something/we're doing something urgent/we'd block someone/we're somewhere inconvenient, I'll say "Of course, let's go and have a cuddle over by x thing". In your circs I'd have suggested we go have a cuddle before getting back in the car.

It's a different story if the child has hurt himself or suddenly been frightened by something, but otherwise I expect a child this age to be able to wait for a few minutes. I would say though that my initial reaction to someone BFing an older child is a negative one (because the few people I know who BF older DC also happen to parent in a way I am critical of), and that that may colour my response.

TBH to me it doesn't matter whether your child has ASD, it's not always easy to calm a toddler down by words. How many of you have given a dummy to your toddlers so they would calm down? My son doesn't have ASD and yet will use the breast at his nearly 2years for comfort, I'm also teaching him about emotions but the most important is for him to feel that he's protected/loved when things go wrong for him. I'd not judge a mum for giving their children a dummy when they're 2 and are unhappy about something same way I ask the OP not to be told the baby is too old for breast or this is happening because he doesn't know about emotions or cuz he's got ASD.

Was the OP wrong ? NO, law is on her side and she could fill a complaint if she wants. End of telling other mothers what we have to do with our children.

@Warmfirechocolate I think she's explaining why she needed to react ASAP though. My DC could wait for a snack at 2.5 without having a meltdown; perhaps her DS can't at the moment.

Mothers can BF anywhere they like, however you ask if it’s reasonable to Feed a child in a shop IMO is unreasonable.

@LipsyGirl, yet you can give no coherent reason for this

Honestly, the rubbish being spouted on this thread about why it's not OK to BF in a perfectly appropriate place and manner are quite depressing. We still have an awful long way to go before BFing mothers are truly supported.

Why does it matter if it was a drink from the cup? He naturally sits down when drinking anyway so could've just perched on the very same seat to drink his cup. Would that not be okay either? Really?

To get into the nitty gritty of why I didn't go straight back to the car - I was going to have a look for some shoes for myself, and they had a selection of Superga trainers. I did the feed there and then because it could've just nipped the upset in the bud there and then.

I didn't have a pram or reins either because I'm also trying to get him to just listen the best he can and do short periods of getting out without and just going with me by hand etc. But it's often very tricky because he doesn't seem to hear me (hearing has been checked and its fine). And there's not a lot of indictqyon that he understands what I'm saying. For example, he can't point to stuff and doesn't understand simplz instructions such as get me your coat etc.

But short walks and small trips seem to be going well and we are doing lots of them

@EssentialHummus
Good for you!!!!
The point is you don’t know the minor details & she wasn’t doing anything a part from feeding her child a drink! Drink!

The problem is that she was bfing. The more people who admit they are judgemental about that fact alone , the more will realise how bloody horrible that must be for the woman on the receiving end of that judgement. As if parenting isn’t hard enough.

@poppinjay I’ve already explained I view shops as not a place for eating/drinking “it seems odd to me” you need to read my replies

Why on earth didn’t you say we were still shopping (finished his shoes and wanting to look for you) in the OP? holy drip feed!

Why should the OP have gone back to the cramped awkward car, for the few minutes she needed to nurse her child?
The seat was no doubt far more comfortable. Yet you would prefer her to be uncomfortable and out fo sight ? To what end?

But as I’ve asked if Ops DS has issues with accepting support that other children may respond to - if this is the case. Then no she is not being unreasonable

You see I wouldn't give a toddler a drink in a shop either as they'd likely drop it, maybe throw the cup, I wouldn't want to risk the merchandise!

I don't know why some posters think nearly everyone's anti-Bfing, most of us did it ourselves so we're not anti at all.

"I have a child the same age and I'd expect her to wait."

The OP has said her child possibly has sn.

If I am being honest if I saw this I would think it odd that you were doing this there but I can understand why you did.

@LipsyGirl

Food and drink = nutrition
Breastfeeding = nutrition and much, much ,much more .
You are coming across as very ignorant.

And again to anyone who insists the possible ASD was a drip feed, I'm sorry. I truly didn't think it was since I thought lots of toddlers could be more difficult and challenging and whatever else. Maybe I just thought it could be perfectly normal for many 2 year old to act the same.

Maybe I'm just holding out too much hope they he could just be stubborn and difficult personality wise. His differences are constantly pointed out to me and I jusr don't know what's entirely normal anymore, there is so much conflicting advice out there.

I just do what I think is best for my son and that's it. I didn't act with entitlement and selfishness, and genuinely believed his feeding wouldn't inconvenience anyone else

@AmICrazyorWhat2
I find it very odd that anyone who has BF doesn’t understand the complex relationship it is, that it is much more than just food and that a few minutes for a quick nurse is more than understandable and shouldn’t create any hostility ever.

Thinking about it, don't many shops have signs asking customers not to consume food or drink on the premises?

So if you apply that in the strictest sense, Bfing is off limits as well!

And I know loads of people ignore those signs, I've brought coffees into shops myself.

@sauvignonblancplz as I’ve said again, if Ops child needs more support then she is not being unreasonable.

To offer BF to a child who’s hungry = U
To offer a child BF who needs extra support = NU

Surprised by many of these reactions. I probably wouldn’t do it myself simply because those benches are uncomfortable but the OP wasn’t harming, offending or inconveniencing anyone so I don’t think she was being U.

@Refreshed as pointed out in other of my comments my son is 2 years and doesn't have ASD(or I'm aware of it) and no my son would not have waited for a feed if he felt he needed one , my son would have behaved the same way as yours

btw in case nobody has. told. you "you're doing a good job"

Yes I think I would say it is different to feeding a baby as the toddler can wait till you go somewhere a bit easier. A baby does not understand that and relies on milk as their only
food source. It's a bit like sitting down with your picnic in the shop with a toddler I'd say. Preparing to be flamed!
But go you for breastfeeding at that age.

@DippyAvocado good job I haven't tried to bear them on anyone.

@OpportunityKnocks I haven't ever breastfed, no. And my reason for being against BF in public is that goes against my cultural values so I don't think I will ever change my mind. Though, as I said, I accept that those are my beliefs and others are equally entitled to theirs.