Father's for justice...WT actual F

[Smithtylater]

Just checked out their instagram page (f4jofficial) after this Caroline Flack/kerry Katona thing. Wtf have they become? They seem like an extremist group trolling female celebrities with gossip nonsense .They seem to hate everyone with a vagina! I remember when they were a few blokes climbing up buildings dressed up as batman. And they are a 'charity'!!

I've known a few men who're part of FFJ. They are all utterly deluded selfish bastards, who paint themselves falsely as victims. One dumped his girlfriend when she told him she was pregnant, as obviously it was an attempt to trap him. He then spent the next 9 months moving his assets so the CSA couldn't touch them. He denied the child was his until the court forced a DNA test and then paid the minimum CSA. He made no effort at all to contact the mother or child any yet was an activist with FFJ. Why? He wasn't being prevented from being a father. He had fuck all interest and had gone out of his way to distance himself as much as he could.

Fathers for justice are a ridiculous and mostly abhorrent group, but that doesn't preclude the fact that there were and are injustices in the family courts working against decent fathers who are simply trying to get access and shared care in the best interests of their children and being thwarted by their exes and the system.

This.

The amount of comments I see on here saying 'don't put him on the birth certificate' etc etc sickens me. No matter what the relationship between mother and father, he is the father and should be on the birth certificate.

@Warmfirechocolate. Fortunately, my interactions with my ex are only roughly every 6 weeks in which we can talk normally with each other. I'm fortunate that my ex is not an angry person.

Should DD ever want the truth behind our split, then I'll tell her when I think she's ready for it. I may not bad mouth him but I wont lie to her.

DD is now at an age where she finds staying with him a chore, which his sad, but that's all him. He could make more effort and he didnt.

When she decides that she no longer wants to go, I'll support that choice.

@Warmfirechocolate - My friend is a very brave woman. She's been involved with the Victoria Derbyshire show, and their campaign against women being further abused by their violent exes via the family courts. (Along with Sammy Woodhouse, one of the Rochdale victims, whose rapist was "offered a role in her child's life".)

I was very disappointed to see the Vic Derbyshire show was being axed, because it raises and supports important campaigns like this.

Just wanted to highlight - 4 BILLION is owed in unpaid child support. That’s an awful lot of men not financially providing for the children they claim to love. How many men are concerned about that?

@TaliZorahVasNormandy I’m glad it is calm and not manipulative in your situation. I guess I am just saying, beware of putting your exes needs for ‘covering up’ their abusive behaviour above your child’s needs for security. That isn’t to say we bad mouth, but in my child’s case I realized that by making out everything was fine with my Ex, and being a bit of a pushover if I’m honest, my child thought that his Dad would never lie to him. Did you see that tv series, ‘Gold Digger’?

Shows how confusing it can be for children if something quite serious happened and we as mothers cover it up for the father.

DS's father is involved with Fathers for Justice.

He has openly bragged about the advice he has given men and the women they have broken. I have had threats and they have attempted to abduct DS. They are a foul organisation.

DS was conceived through violent rape when I was a child, even so getting a no contact order was hard, court ordered supervised contact originally, we only got a no contact order when the contact center reported concerns about the way he was treating DS. He went to prison a few months later for indecent images, including boys DS's age. There is usually a very good reason for no contact orders.

I actually agree in 99% of cases fathers should have access, I know some women use their children as weapons but as Families Needs Fathers proves you can fight for fathers rights without sinking to the levels Fathers for Justice do.

@theflushedzebra I really feel for her. It’s literally my worst nightmare. I can’t imagine how scary that would be. I hope she gets continuing support. You being a friend to her must mean an awful lot.

@TabbyMctatTheBuskersCat oh I’m so sorry about your experience. It must be awful.

@Warmfirechocolate. I've never said a bad word for my DD. I know what its like being the child between two parents that hate each other. They slagged each other, made us take sides and it's really screwed up my idea of a normal relationship. I never want DD to feel like the lost little kid I always did, wondering if I loved one parent too much would the other parent hate me for it.

If DD wants the truth one day, (She's only 12 so I dont want to give her adult issues too soon.) then I'll tell her truth, I wont lie about it.

The first social worker my children had told us dad had to have his contact the second one we just had said contact is for the children if they say no or they dont feel safe or even if he is being unsafe they dont go

Even families for fathers is full of biased propagation that men are as much abused as women are for example...
A quote from their website
Parliamentarians focus on women and girls in Draft Domestic Abuse Bill on same day as ASA bans harmful gender stereotypes!

It’s saying that women are being unfairly targeted as most likely to be victims of abuse. But women are most likely to be victims of abuse.

So just another example of an organization which should be campaigning on facts, which isn’t.

🤔 posted too soon

My ex chooses to blame me when the kids say no or they dont feel safe he is probably one of those people on the f4j page he even keeps two phones one for me one for everyone else because he claims I'm abusive he was heard and seen at my former place of work being abusive people who know me dont believe him they know he is bullshitting but they still nod and smile to his face because they are intimidated by him how the fuck do the kids feel if a grown up is intimidated ffs

@Warmfirechocolate its ok now. DS is the most perfect son ever born. He's worth everything I went through.

@tabby what an ordeal you have had. I, glad you’ve found some peace and joy in your daughter. It does make me angry to think that you had to fight the system, it should have been much easier and clearer.

I always find it amazing that so many women know other women who have to keep their DC away from violent/abusive exs, or they know so many women whose ex’s won’t pay maintenance, but so many men know men who are being cruelly denied access to their DC. It’s like so many women know many many women who’ve been raped, but most men don’t know a rapist. Always amazes me that disparity.

SS have told my ex that he is only allowed supervised access and that if he wants more he needs to apply to the court. He tells everyone I’m being a right bitch and won’t let him see his DS. Guess what though, he’s never bothered sorting out the supervised access and he certainly hasn’t applied to any court. he flatly refuses to pay maintenance either. He’ll have missed his boat anyway, as DS is 12 and would tell any court his dad can fuck off if they ever asked him. His father thinks this is down to me because I’ve been putting ideas in his head, but it’s actually because he’s a violent, abusive, neglectful alcoholic who used to bash his son about, when he wasn’t passed out drunk that is. I tried for so long to maintain a good relationship with him for the sake of DS, before I learnt what was going on, yet I’m the evil bitch who is denying him access.

@GlummyMcGlummerson

All these people who "know dads who were kept from their children" - of course that's what they tell you.

Exactly this! My DS is 13 months old, and yes still breastfeeding. When he was 7 months old his dad ran over my foot with a motorbike, slammed a door into DS's head and held a knife at both DS and I, then when I wouldn't come near him (because he was holding a knife) threatened to kill himself with the knife.

He's not paid maintenance and yet can afford to take Ketamine regularly. I have found it so hard being a single parent, and I wish DS could grow up with a proper dad, but his actual dad is not safe for him to be around. Yet of course, all I hear is how hard done by he is. Even my best friend of four years told me I was being unfair, and that ex deserves to see DS. She's not my friend anymore, because frankly DS is far more important to me than anything else and I will do whatever I can to keep him safe but if course in my ex's stories of this, I'm an evil bitch who just wants his money, and only had a baby to get money off him. His latest thing is saying apparently I didn't even want a baby, but had one for the money. Yet I have far less money than I ever have, but am much happier.

I'm sure I read an article a few years back about how most of the F4J leaders had convictions for domestic abuse or restraining orders so I'm pretty skeptical of what they say. Plus, I know someone who worked in child protection and from what I hear, it's the opposite problem (that too many abusive men are allowed access to their kids rather than men being denied). It seems like if no access is allowed, there's probably a pretty good reason.

A friend of mine has two young children with her ex-partner. While they were together, their house was raided by police, who subsequently found the worst categories of child porn on his laptop. He was imprisoned and made to sign the sex offenders register. He's now out of prison and pursuing access through the courts, funded by legal aid. My friend isn't entitled to legal aid and can't afford to fight it, even though she's terrified for her children.

I very much doubt there are that many genuine cases of hard-done-by men.

@LochJessMonster and the court will put him on the Birth Certificate and grant access if there are no issues.

Having him on the BC from Birth allows an abusive/dangerous man to use that against a new mother and newborn.

I've just read the FB page based on this thread. The piece about Meghan Windsor removing Archie and denying the Queen access was ridiculous. Most of the members pointed out that this would give a Great Grandmother more rights than the Father. But some just wanted to carry on the hatred against Meghan. It really is nonsense.

There is a presumption of 50/50 as a baseline.

All that I know that have suffered actual harm at the hands of their exes do get slated as being the fucking controlling bitch who denies poor poor father of his dc, yet don't pay, seek fraudulent ways to hide money from CSA, the fact theres billions owed by fathers that are avoiding paying for their dc, tells us the issue.

For genuinely good fathers theres the presumption of 50/50. All the women I've known go a long way to support the child's relationship with their father, even despite the father being abusive and not realising the impact this is having on the dc.

The rights are all the childs. Parents have responsibilities not rights, the child is the vulnerable one and deserves to have their rights supported, by everyone.

Oh god redpander that way madness lies! Stay away from seeing the inside machinations of such awful humans!

Its a common theme though, reading womens forum's about this and mens, makes very clear the stark difference between the priorities.

Sorry redpanda I meant panoka

I just dont know why they started on Caroline? She nor her partner had any children?

@GinDaddy then they need to look at why the outcomes from the system are the way they are and appropriately campaign for change if they believe it is necessary, rather than complaining that they're hard done by because they didn't get what they think they're entitled as part of their 'parental rights'. If all you can do to 'protect' your child is post on social media and tell everyone that listens about how broken the system you haven't bothered engaging with is, and how your bitch ex-wife is rinsing you for every penny (aka expecting you to support your child) while stopping you from seeing your child, you're a pretty sorry excuse for a parent and you are doing absolutely nothing to help your child have a healthy relationship with both of their parents either. My sympathy is reserved for those that do what they can and genuinely try to engage for the benefit of their children rather than just trying to get one over on their ex.

The pervading message from F4J is that they have rights as parents that are being taken away. It is utter bollocks. No parent has rights. The child does. But they aren't fighting for their children, they're fighting for themselves. It's all about control.