If you can be anything, be kind....

[BeAnythingBeKind]

Its such a simple thing, and can make all the difference.

We are all guilty of it, me included, So instead of making negative comments about the work colleagues, fellow school mum's, stranger on the bus...Say something kind, you never know, it could just make all the difference. No-one really knows what people are going through.

Anyone who wants to vent/talk/cry....Please feel free to let rip here, It's OK not to feel OK

Pressed too quick! Also meant to say that my kindness is genuine and not pretend kindness with gushing comments on social media like oh beautiful family on photos or look my names on this list cos I've donated to this charity. Do it privately if its genuine why does everyone need to know who has donated? Sorry but it annoys me esp where people feel obligated to donate how can they be genuine if they feel manipulated into donating? Esp if people can't really afford it?

@bringincrazyback

Fuck off with your sanctimonious self serving Be Kind shit

Very interesting that you chose to ignore everything else I said, that says more about your judgemental self than it does about me.
I'm loved by my friends, family and many acquaintances. I'm happy with the way I live my life and the way I treat my friends. I don't judge others, unlike you.

I'm struggling with this 'be kind' theme on facebook. I think many of the people who have shared it probably made huge judgements about Caroline Flack when her domestic violence was reported by the media.

I also don't believe domestic violence is a kind act, so whilst I think it's really tragic that Caroline took her own life, she also, if reports are true, didn't practice what she preached.

Some will believe what I have just stated is unkind, I'm kind of in two minds myself, but if someone is cruel or hurtful in some way do we just ignore that when they die? I think it's the double standards I feel uncomfortable about as I don't think domestic violence is a kind act.

I should have read that before posting, I didn't intend to sound goady by constantly repeating 'domestic violence'. I try to be kind, but I think it's shallow of folk to jump on the band wagon when something tragic happens and I wonder if their response is guilt.

Its alleged isnt it, the domestic abuse I mean. The bbc news was reporting yesterday that actually it was her that was bleeding, whilst he was making very dramatic claims that she'd smashed his head in, which she obviously hadn't literally.

He broke court orders to keeping being in contact when she stayed away, but, there'll be no court case now.

We can't second guess that one. Its alleged.

Yes I guess it is alleged but for the CPS to move forward with it, there must have been strong evidence, suggesting there is some truth in it. Granted I don't know the full story but I just feel a bit uncomfortable with jumping on the 'be kind' bandwagon.

I do try & treat others as I would like to be treated.

Odd how cps made such an example of domestic violence in this case when the masses.of women killed every year isnt even really registered by many, but this one case of a man 'allegedly' suffering DA is being held as an example to not tolerate it. What a nonsense.

Tbh I'm not sure what any of that has to do with promoting the idea of just being kind. I find it hard to understand how anyone could knock such a sentiment.

I definitely think that is a valid point @knowmenclature.

I think it's ok to acknowledge that Caroline was alleged to have committed dv, recognise that she had some troubles & still find it sad that she felt this was her only option.

I think kindness isn't about unconditional acceptance of poor behaviour. It is about playing the ball not the person behind it. By disagreeing with people in a civil way. By holding ourselves to high standards of behaviour. To call out poor behaviour but realise that that behaviour may also well result from the poor behaviour of others.

For me, kindness is about trying to understand and not just condemning. To not make personal insults. And to rise above where possible.

I have REALLY not always practised what I am preaching here. I like do think I have been mostly kind but know I can do better.

It's tragic that Caroline Flack has taken her life. If we can try our best to be a bit better where we can, surely that's a positive way to pay our respects to her family? And it can't hurt.

I display my kindness by not hitting other people.

I display my kindness by not hitting other people

Caroline had not had her trial or been found guilty of this. So it doesn't seem fair for us to talk about it as if it is a crime she was found guilty of.

Also, one person hitting doesn't eradicate the need for others to be kind in other ways. Emotional and psychological abuse are as harmful as physical abuse.

All those things can be wrong, surely? DV AND cruelty in the media/social media AND poor mental health services AND someone feeling that suicide is their only way out.

I think it's a lovely ideal and if only everyone could show some kindness. The thing is, people are sadly deluded. The posting of " be kind" on my FB and social media has astounded me. Most of those people posting are not kind and do not show kindness in the slightest.

Take my sister for example. The only person I know in the world who genuinely thinks her shit doesn't smell and that she has done no wrong. Ever. I am actually no contact with her as her manipulative and nasty attitude has made me very unwell. She actually hates me and I can openly say it.

Yet always, she professes to be a " kind soul".

It's absolutely fucked up and I can completely see and understand what some posters have written on this thread about this.

I will also be carrying on as is.

I have seen so much shite about the meme in the last day. Along with people then going on about about CF and how she definitely didnt abuse her boyfriend because he loved her and is devastated she is gone.

Plenty of people writing 'if someone abused you, you wouldn't love them. You wouldnt care they were dead. You wouldnt want to go back to them'

Basically anything that shows they haveno idea of the complexities of the feelings of an abuse victim.

I have no idea if CF abused her boyfriend, I wasnt there. I have no idea if she was violent in other relationships, as is claimed. I wasnt there.

What I do know is that abuse victims often do very much love their abuser. The cycle of abuse of 'abuse and then love like people have never known' keeps people in abusive situations all the time. Abuse rarely starts with being viciously attacked. It slowly builds and they make sure you feel you cant leave, that the rest of the relationship is so great you will go back.

All these people spouting being kind are also telling people that if you love your abuser it cant possibly being abused.

Whats kind about dismissing abuse?

@Kirkman - I totally agree.

Kindness is relative.
A “kind” act to one person may not be viewed as kind by the recipient.

To carry on your day to day thinking that every arsehole you come into contact with is on the verge of some Great Depression would be exhausting.

I think people should be encouraging open discussion of how you’re feeling with someone you trust instead. I just feel that “kindness ” will be a stick to beat people who are trying to self preserve or have been taken advantage of

All these people spouting being kind are also telling people that if you love your abuser it cant possibly being abused

I disagree with that. Maybe some people who, as you rightly say know little about abuse, say that. Most people have condemned the alleged abuse AND thought that the death of Caroline Flack is tragic.

But the OP's post wasn't about us judging what other people do or say. It was about the standards to which we hold our own behaviour.

That some people who are sharing memes are nasty or hypocritical, doesn't mean that we can't still take on board the message of the meme ourselves. Someone else being a hypocrite never stopped anyone else from doing their best with their own behaviour.

I think it’s really telling that 100% of the 25 or so people who I’ve seen share this meme, or variations of it, (both friends and celebrities) have been women...

I think the problem with this meme is that kind is such a blanket term that incorporates lots of different behaviours. It is over-simplistic in a way and is one of the first words we teach our toddlers.

I think the word we really need to be using here is empathy. Have empathy. That, in my opinion, is what is lacking online and in the media more than anything else and is what Caroline needed. I think there is a huge lack of public empathy for people in the public eye and it is disgusting. And then when they die, people go the other way and react as if they knew the person, post memes all over social media etc.

I think we need to stop taking about kind and start talking in grown-up speak.

Someone else being a hypocrite never stopped anyone else from doing their best with their own behaviour. must remember that one when discussing efforts to curb carbon emissions. Thanks, Sir.
One of the kindest people I know, my head teacher, is also an absolute boss at healthy boundaries. This, I believe, is key. I frequently stand back in awe, as someone who takes a keen interest in social dynamics and interpersonal relationships. I am generally considered to be kind and caring, but I know I struggle to set and maintain clear boundaries in a couple of key relationships, leaving me open to feeling taken advantage of, and in one, being manipulated specifically to 'be kind', as a previous poster suggested, whenever I make an effort to assert a boundary.

YES @sevencontinents

Everyone will change their statuses in a couple of days and go back to devouring every morsel of sleb gossip, judging female celebrities on their bodies , hair, clothing and what they spend their money on. Slagging off women who dont meet their exacting standards of behaviour.

And then there will be another tragedy and they will rail against the tabloids and preach kindness...

In my opinion, the post by knowmenclature is 'kind' (to use an oversimplistic word) as it is showing Caroline empathy and it is not being sucked in to trial by media.

Maybe some people who, as you rightly say know little about abuse, say that. Most people have condemned the alleged abuse AND thought that the death of Caroline Flack is tragic.

Theres been threads here, now deleted with plenty of posters saying exactly that. Him wanting to be in touch with her, nit supporting the charge means it's not abuse and supporting the fact that the CPS should not have pursued it. Despite, years ago the public and organisations calling for the police and CPS to do more, when victims of abuse wouldnt or couldnt support it.

And it's all over my fb feed. So you may not have, but I have seen plenty of it.

But the OP's post wasn't about us judging what other people do or say. It was about the standards to which we hold our own behaviour.

That some people who are sharing memes are nasty or hypocritical, doesn't mean that we can't still take on board the message of the meme ourselves. Someone else being a hypocrite never stopped anyone else from doing their best with their own behaviour.

That's missing the point. I dont need someone to tell me to be kind. I am kind. As and when it appropriate but I still have boundaries.

My point was that so many people sharing this are talking shit. Because they are saying this while telling people it's not abuse if you love the abuser or want to stay. So sharing a meme. Asking people to remember it is pointless. I am sure those people thi k they are being kind to CF, now. Trying to erase alleged abuse.

But it's not kind. Not kind to victims of abuse. I thi k it's pretty disgusting.

So one persons kind is not anothers.

I hate the 'be kind' meme.

I am angry that Caroline Flack was thrown to the wolves by ITV, while her male colleagues (Scofield and Ant) are protected.

Scofield, according to the Cespit that is twitter, has a relationship with a barely legal boy and he gets called 'brave' on national TV.

I am angry at the double standards and showing kindness will not correct the injustice.