To ask for the question you always get asked, when the person saying it thinks they're the first person to say it.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Light-hearted.

Examples. As a teen I worked in a shop, sometimes something doesn't scan and the customer (if paying attention) without fail would say, "Oh, that's free then?" Followed by a chuckle.

I wear very high heels a lot, I get told all the time, "How you don't break your neck in those, I'll never know!"

The latest one, my DP is a head chef, people always say, "Oooh, I bet you get loads of lovely meals cooked for you!" I bloody wish, it's a Busman's Holiday for him, he doesn't want to cook after a day in the kitchen. 😆

I used to work in industry carrying out health screening.
My favourite was,
Me; I've come to do your hearing test .
Employee; Pardon?

They thought they were so funny.

The weight ones are annoying yeah. When I had fatigue and was slim I was told it was probably because I wasn't eating enough. Now I'm heavier I'm told it's because I'm tired from carrying the extra weight. Ffs.

‘Did your parents not have a TV?’ followed by hysterical laughter. I’m one of six children.
It’s not funny and it’s not original

I am a guide dog puppy walker. Every day, at least once, I get asked "How can you give them up?"
I'm sure some people think it's my own puppy and I'm just going to give it away to Guide dogs.

I have a child with a severe and extremely limiting speech delay. People always tell me that Einstein didn’t speak till he was four. I know they are trying to be encouraging and I know that my child is able despite his difficulties but he isn’t going to turn out like bloody Einstein!

They are better than the people who smugly point out that the reason their child is so advanced with their vocabulary is because that TALK to them so much. I always want to say “Oh I should have tried that, perhaps it would make all the difference!”

"Are you going to have any more"
"You've got your hands full"
Four children

"Have they all got the same Dad?"
"Were they all planned"
Children's ages span 19-7

"What do they sleep in, grow bags"
"What do you feed them?"
"Is their Dad tall?"
Tall children

"What do you do all day"
"Don't you get bored?"
SAHM

"Are you worried he might die?"
"He could die at any time" looks at child as though he's a bomb waiting to go off
"My cat breeder's hat maker is allergic to that and she eats food with it in all the time"
"Have you tried giving him a tiny bit everyday to cure him?"
"You should have breastfed/not breastfed/weaned early/weaned late"
Child with allergy requiring epipen

@LegallyBrunet I have five children, the TV comment is tedious and “have you worked out what’s causing it?” .....oh so funny.

Looking at my 4 children... Don't they all look the same.. well considering they all share the same mother and father I do expect some similarities between them...

Oh and if I'm out with just my three DS's,
"I bet you wish you had a girl"
"Would you have another to see if it was a girl?"

Plus every other comment anyone with more than 2 kids get. Why can't people just be polite and smile and say hello and just tell you they look beautiful even if they don't believe it (if they really have to say sometbing?) then get on with their day.

I play a large instrument.

I get “that’s a bit big to fit under your chin” and “bet you wish you played the flute”.
Every. single. Time.

@HumphreyCobblers oh the “talk to him” comments, mines one of a crowd. How the fuck do they think The rest of them managed to talk or do they think we have a special little soundproof box for him?

Yes indeed 5zeds! It is like they think we have locked him in a cupboard for his childhood. Although HCPs can be as irritating, one once told me to “turn off my mobile phone for ten minutes a day and CONCENTRATE on my child!”

Them: are you related to (person on tv with same, admittedly unusual, surname)?

Me: no

Them: are you sure?

Me:

I have a standard dachshund, who in his younger days was perfectly able to climb decent hills (eg Ingleborough, Pen-y-Ghent) - and our previous dog likewise.

So, we at least get a little variation:

You've worn his legs down!
Was he a Doberman when you started?
I bet there's never been one of those up here before! (Er ... we've had one up here ourselves before)
Oh his poor little legs - often as he runs the last bit up to the top (all dogs widdle on triangulation points so there's good incentive) as I try to keep up with him.

The really odd thing is I'm sure no one says this about Jack Russells which have similar leg length, just shorter bodies so don't have the massive lungs.

Welsh living in England.
'Do you speak Welsh' - when I answer yes a little, it's usually followed by 'oh I didn't think anybody REALLY spoke it'

'Say something in Welsh then' ok twll din.

'Can you say that really long place name', yes it's where I'm from. It's a bit like saying 'can you say London?'

'I love Gavin and Stacey'.- good for you. I'm from the North. If it's a Londoner asking me I usually respond with 'and I love coronation street'

When I worked in a call centre and had to ask is there anything else I can help you with?
‘Tonight’s lottery numbers.’

Every.Bloody.Time

Oh. Have you read all those books?

"Smile love
WTF are you glaring at
Are you having a bad day?"
No, I have a down turned mouth or RBFace as you also like to call it.

"Does this contain eggs?"
"No, just mayonnaise / bernaise sauce / brioche / coldslaw. Errr.... it has milk in it..."
"No. Does it contain eggs he can't have eggs"
"Aw is he picky? - I don't know I'll try and find the allergy folder"
10 minutes later manager comes stamping over waving a folder 2 years out of date loudly stating "it says here may contain eggs so you're better off with the salad or sorbet."
Zip up your coat son, were off to Mac "yay!"

My son has chronic constipation he has severe autism and learning disabilities so getting medication in him is a challenge ,his constipation can get so bad that he has been hospitalised ,and I now have a cupboard full of suppositories and enemas , when people hear this they ask if I have tried him with prune juice ,,like why have,nt I thought of this .
When I was a mental health Nurse the amount of people who thought they were being hilarious saying they needed to come on my ward🙄

Yep Humphrey my son is non verbal he's nine the bloody Einstein comments were very irritating and the do you think he will ever talk comments .

Stupid questions

'Wow! you're left handed...'

Sometimes I yell and do a double take...
'hell, I didn't know!! Bloody hell'

So do you regret not having kids?..

No, yes, whatever...

I really really don't want to share my in depth medical history with a complete stranger..

Aren’t you better yet?

But you don’t look ill.

But don’t you WANT to work?

You need to get out more.

Why don’t you join a group?

What are you doing to get better?

I have the surname of someone very famous eg Jolie and without fail I’m asked if we are related. I always say yes, some maitre d’ are very visibly disappointed.

Are you still scrounging?