To ask for the question you always get asked, when the person saying it thinks they're the first person to say it.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Light-hearted.

Examples. As a teen I worked in a shop, sometimes something doesn't scan and the customer (if paying attention) without fail would say, "Oh, that's free then?" Followed by a chuckle.

I wear very high heels a lot, I get told all the time, "How you don't break your neck in those, I'll never know!"

The latest one, my DP is a head chef, people always say, "Oooh, I bet you get loads of lovely meals cooked for you!" I bloody wish, it's a Busman's Holiday for him, he doesn't want to cook after a day in the kitchen. 😆

"Are they real?!"
"Is that your real hair?!"
These two questions get my back up immediately.

I must admit, I’ve spent every smear test holding my tongue so some quip about dinner and a movie first doesn’t come out. It must be fairly common in gynae.

@Nippybutsweet And are you saying that is annoying to hear?
I think I’d be pretty pleased to hear that albeit all the time

Oh, another question I always get. ‘Are you a piano tuner? I know lots of blind people are piano tuners.’ Erm no, I’m not a piano tuner.

‘Do you have really good hearing, you know, to make up for your eyes not working?’ Yes, and I can fly.

One that gets my back right up is, ‘can you fill out this form for me?’ Me, ‘no, I can’t see it. ‘Oh, you can’t read.’ ‘No, I can read fine, I just can’t bloody see.’

Oh, and another one that crops up occasionally. Me, walks into place with white stick. ‘How did you get here, did you drive?’ Yes, I drove here, in my car.

Me, walks into shop with white stick. ‘Could you please tell me where the baked beans are?’ Shop assistant, ‘over there’ sigh...

Is that your natural hair colour? (smirk) Yes. I have naturally purple hair. And yes the collar and cuffs match

Feeling the pain with the twins. Mine are boy/girl...

Are they identical? Errr nope, one has a penis 😂

@Seekingadviceagain2020

Yes it does grate after the billionth time.

Some women even have a full blown discussion within my earshot, debating with each other whether it's my natural colour and muse amongst themselves where I might have gone to have it done.

Some even try to touch my hair to see if I have extensions in too (it is quite long and thick but 100% all real and all my own).
Others accuse me of lying when I say its natural and say I'm being rude to not tell them the salon where I have it done at! 😤

Men are a nightmare too but for different reasons. Curtains and carpet comments, asking if I realise my hair is a turn on or one of their fetishes - these are not as common but it still happens every once in a while.

@AudTheDeepMinded
@sellMySoulForMoreSleep

Then you get "I'M SEEING DOUBLE!"
Yeah, you're a comedian. First to think of that one, aye.

And "What's it like being a twin?" As a PP pointed out, I've never been anything else, so no frame of reference, sorry. You'll just have to use your imagination. And no, I don't feel what she's feeling, and no, I don't know what she's thinking.*

*Although once, I was telling DSis about an elderly lady accidentally leaving her purse on the bus, and I passed it to the bus driver for Lost Property. DSis then unexpectedly described the purse perfectly, even the colour. Was a bit weird (obviously I hadn't said anything about how it looked, but was picturing it in my mind as I was telling her).

When I tell them it's moving, they ask me if that's what I was christened. Then they call me movingbriskyon.
I find this irritating

I always get the same. I was christened the shorter name, my brother calls me a longer version... I've not yet figured out if this is a nickname or he genuinely doesn't know my real name!

'How come you're over here??!'

I live abroad

Also, amusingly, 'what language are you speaking??'

I do have to admit broad Lancashire often flummoxes the locals

'Where are you from?'

Usually followed by 'Your English is very good'. Well, yes, I'd hope so after living here for more than a decade.

Sometimes followed by 'How many languages do you speak?'

And 'Can you say something in ?'

Also 'Do you miss home? / Do you think you'll ever move back?'

I know people are just trying to make small talk & none of these are offensive, but it's just always the same questions. Somehow noone ever asks my husband (who moved from one end of the UK to the other end) if he ever plans to move back.

Not a question, more a comment - #2 son was born on 9/11/01. When people find out, they inevitably say, "I bet you'll never forget his birthday!" I have two other children who were born on days that there we no national tragedies, and I manage to remember their birthdays, too.

When I told people that I worked at the local council - "Tell them to sort the potholes on my road/my black bin/ build a cycle path". Tell them your fucking self, Clive.

I don't miss working there

Another one for council workers "must be nice getting free council tax. " and questions about their bin emptying.

What made you choose to adopt?

I don't know how to answer. Obviously they don't actually want a run down if my gynaecological history... do they?

And when TTC- why don't you just adopt? Just? JUST?! It's unbelievably difficult, painful, time consuming etc. 'Just' my lily white arse.

Some of these are a bit unfair actually; I think. Like people trying to do the polite social dance (usually the British...) eg the whole “are you open?” If the shop looks open yet empty, it’s really more “can I come in/am I disturbing you?”

The PP complaining that people say her daughter looks like her is unfair too - I love to hear this. It’s meant as a compliment; not everyone thinks children look like their parents.

The twins one is also a bit hard - only because I know a set of twins who are non identical (boy/girl) but my god they look identical! 🙈

Eg people always ask me where I am “originally” from as I have olive skin and dark hair/eyes so “can’t possibly be British”. But I don’t think this belongs to this category because, whilst I hear it a lot, someone isn’t thinking they are hilarious when they say it - they are trying to make conversation.

But having the nursery rhyme sung after my name for the last 28 years has been soul destroyingly irritating 😁😁😁😁😁

When I was a waitress,
"And who's having the duck?"
EVERYONE on the table ducks!! 🤦‍♀️
Every duck-ing time!!!!

"You are too young to have arthritis" this gets said much less since I passed 50 but in my 20s and 30s it was a problem, and also being shouted at that I'd parked in a disabled space.

In the days of recording ECGs, "I don't have a heart, it's a swinging brick" oh how funny, I have never heard that before.

Also, amusingly, 'what language are you speaking??'

I do have to admit broad Lancashire often flummoxes the locals

Broad Yorkshire works too, it sometimes infuriates Dutch people when you say you are speaking English.

We have a pure white cat. Every single person who meets her or sees a photo of her asks if she is deaf.

I was asked that once, I said, "she has green eyes"

Fortunately the person asking knew what I meant.

@Bluewater1

Hahahha I’ve never heard Of or seen people doing that before 😆

Oh God, the Rheumatoid Arthritis comments, I've had it since I was 24, now 46 and still get told that I'm a bit young. I've given up with "It's not osteoarthritis / it's a completely different condition" explanation. Most people are well-meaning, with their suggestions of oily fish and tumeric. They don't seem to understand, however, that while I do eat loads of fish because I like it, it's the massive fuck-off weekly dose of DMARD drugs plus a daily anti-inflammatory that really keeps me functioning. But you know, ginger herbal tea...😂.

My DD has very curly hair and growing up, lots of random strangers used to stop and touch it and say how beautiful it was.

The comments that really made me was when she was very young, I'd constantly get asked if it was natural. How I managed to stop myself every time from saying, 'No, I get my toddler up at 4am to curl her straight hair'. Seriously, of course it's bloody natural!

Same with RA. I was diagnosed at 21 and often get "you're a bit young to have that aren't you?"

Also used to nanny very non identical twins. When they started nursery the teacher peered at them and asked me how on Earth she would tell them apart. Considering one was dark with brown eyes and the other blond with blue eyes it shouldn't have been so difficult

“Are you nervous?”

Because I shake due to asthma medication. So fucking rude