To ask for the question you always get asked, when the person saying it thinks they're the first person to say it.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Light-hearted.

Examples. As a teen I worked in a shop, sometimes something doesn't scan and the customer (if paying attention) without fail would say, "Oh, that's free then?" Followed by a chuckle.

I wear very high heels a lot, I get told all the time, "How you don't break your neck in those, I'll never know!"

The latest one, my DP is a head chef, people always say, "Oooh, I bet you get loads of lovely meals cooked for you!" I bloody wish, it's a Busman's Holiday for him, he doesn't want to cook after a day in the kitchen. 😆

I'm disabled with, amongst other issues, RA. The amount of time I hear oh aren't you young for that, are you sure you know it's an old person disease. Oh and have you tried giving up tomato or taking turmeric! No I just take 3 handfuls of very strong pills a day for fun.

If I ever mention how difficult it is finding a place to live or moving because I'm on benefits, the comments are usually about it being disability benefit so surely that's different? Nope, 99% of agencies and LL still refuse to let to me regardless of the type of benefit!

Are you lost? Everytime i go in asda on the way home from work, tho to be fair i work at tesco so am in full uniform at the time 😂

I am currently pregnant. This is my second HG pregnancy.

“Have you tried ginger?”

Fuck off!

Oh what a shame, isn’t he lonely?
An only child is a lonely child, don’t you know?
When are you going to have another?
(Only child)

Don’t you hate being stuck in here on a hot day?
(Yes I fucking do but thanks for pointing it out......office with no windows)

Don’t they make you feel broody?
(FIL with a grin on his face when SIL are there with her children.......... not particularly, they are very badly behaved and nothing like my DS when he was little)

My mum is an ex viola player. Regular comments included "Give us a tune love!" from sleazy men on the tube and "Did your cello shrink on the wash?"
Witty. Not.
When I was at school there was an annoying celebrity with the same first name as me. I used to get people coming up to me and saying her full name followed by a stupid laugh.
Oh, and four eyes. I was a glasses wearer in junior school. Got four eyes a lot. On one occasion when I didn't laugh, the person in question then went to some effort to explain the joke to me. It hadn't occured to them that I wasn't laughing because I didn't get it, but because it wasn't funny.
DH has an unusual surname. We get regular jokes about it. They're all the same few and Not Funny.

This is a really silly one. In my old job, my internal phone extension was 2580. Unbelievable how many people, when phoning me for the first time, would say “your phone number is so easy, it’s straight down the middle!”.

@icanseethepigeon same for DS. 28th Feb.

Ooh lucky you missed the 29th
Yes, by 2 years!!!!

Pretty much everyone I meet will sing sweet Caroline at me then ask me if I know the song.

Ermm yeah mate, I hear it nearly every fucking day.

Re twins...

When people say 'identical' they really mean monozygotic - two babies from the same single egg.

Another (quite rare) type of twins is sesquizygotic - these occur when two of the father's sperm fertilize a single egg and then the egg divides.

The result is 'identical' twins which may be of opposite sexes.

So 'Are they identical?' is maybe not such a silly question.

sesquizygotic Twins are not identical/have the same genes, and I think there are only about two known cases so I’m pretty sure that’s NOT what they’re asking

@ParsleyPot

The result of sesquizygotic twins is not identical. I believe they call it semi- identical? But no. It’s not one egg and sperm that have split creating 2 babies with the same dna- therefore gender.

It doesn’t render the question any less silly.

‘Are you really Welsh?’

Yes I am, despite not sounding like half the cast of Gavin and Stacey. I’m from the north.

sesquizygotic twins are the result of 2 sperm fertilising one egg and the egg not just surviving that (usually it self destructs if this happens) it has then managed to split that data.

Incredibly rare.

Fascinating actually...

I do payroll, pretty much money, there will be can you a zero to that, har har, or if when giving out the payslips and someones off, i can take that for them, do i get the money too, every single month without fail

I work for the council

'I pay your wages you know '

Fuck the fuck off

Used to get this in retail as well as the 'any discount on that' line. No, the price is the price, I am not losing my job by selling something at a lesser price just because it's you!

DD has ASD and sleeps an average of 4 to 5 hours. She's now 8 years old and has always been like this.

As you can imagine, we have tried a lot of things over the past 8 years.

"Have you tried a bedtime routine"

FFS

Speaking as someone with the same name as a has-been mediocre singer, I can say it takes the public a bloody long time to forget a mediocre singer!

'So brexit, what's that all about then?' I'm a brit living in a different EU country. I normally just run away screaming.

I'm pale and to be honest have grown to love having pale skin, it suits me!

But every summer. Eeeeevery summer. Eeeeevery day... From strangers, friends, colleagues:

"Ooh have you tried (insert fake tan name here)?"

No because shockingly I like my natural look.

Mum got cross once bless her when I was a teenager already so insecure and someone said it. She said "as we are swapping tips would you like Just to suggest a diet you could try?"

The British awkwardness was off the scale for a good while after that but it's true, I wouldn't dream of telling someone, totally unprompted, to change the way they look or assume they must want to do so!

#TeamFreckles

Every time I go to the hairdressers - you have really thick hair you know? Does it take a long time to dry?

Yes, I know, I'm 49 - I've had this hair all my life, do you think I hadn't noticed?

Did you name her after the singer?

Umm, no. The singer was 4 years old and living 4,000 miles away at the time of DD's birth. I'd have had to travel 15 years into the future, into the next fucking century to know that. In any case, her name was her father's idea AND what's more, it's only the singer's stage name, it isn't her actual first name AND it's spelled differently.

I have moderate hearing loss I'm not completely deaf
two of the favourites if I say I'm a bit deaf or I didn't catch that

" you don't look deaf" i'm curious what does deaf look like?

" what" or "pardon" it is not funny now and it wasn't funny 5632 times ago either

Ha ha ha... Are you married to ....(name of famous person with same sirname as me)?

There's a QC - has been since 1993 - called Harry Potter. I assume people call him that because, erm, he was given the name Harry (possibly Harold or Henry) Potter at birth.

I'll bet he curses JK Rowling every time he's introduced to somebody for the first time. You just know that most of them will feel the need to point it out to him, just in case he happens not to realise, that he shares a name with a fictional boy wizard who is famous across the entire world.

I'm also guessing that a sizeable minority will be stupid enough to ask him if his parents chose his name because they were fans of a book series that wasn't written until he was a middle-aged man.

I also recall reading some time ago that Robbie Williams (he's on the radio now, which reminded me) threatened legal action against a much older man for using 'his' name in a public capacity, supposedly for fraudulent purposes. Who would ever have thought there could possibly be more than one person in the country with the unlikely name of Robert Williams, eh?