To ask for the question you always get asked, when the person saying it thinks they're the first person to say it.

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

Light-hearted.

Examples. As a teen I worked in a shop, sometimes something doesn't scan and the customer (if paying attention) without fail would say, "Oh, that's free then?" Followed by a chuckle.

I wear very high heels a lot, I get told all the time, "How you don't break your neck in those, I'll never know!"

The latest one, my DP is a head chef, people always say, "Oooh, I bet you get loads of lovely meals cooked for you!" I bloody wish, it's a Busman's Holiday for him, he doesn't want to cook after a day in the kitchen. 😆

@GreenCheesePie Do they mean morally how do you defend them? Or whether you still defend them if you are convinced they must be guilty?

In Fatface today, I was walking round the shop, browsing

Assistant "Are you OK just browsing there?" "yes thank you...."

I absolutely struggled to think what else to do in a clothing shop....

@GreenCheesePie

'How can you defend someone you know is guilty?!' hmm(Criminal barrister)

I never understand why people say this. I mean it’s up to the judge and jury to decide someone’s guilt not up us or barristers for that matter, who essentially are advocates am I right?

Also it’s innocent until proven guilty!

@Graphista - I can guarantee whenever I tell someone I'm veggie, they always say the same bloody thing "Don't you miss a nice bacon sandwich?" I mean, wtaf, I don't have someone with a knife at my throat stopping me from eating meat, so the answer is "no actually I've survived without bacon sandwiches up until now, thanks very much!"

@EuroMillionsWinner My son's skin tone is different from mine. 'Is he yours?'. OMG that's outrageous, I'm bristling with anger thinking about someone saying that!!!

Whenever I do ECGs or fit Holter heart monitors

“Now I’m wired for sound”

I don’t get it and it wasn’t funny the first time, let alone the 100th.

Also

“Are you going to electrocute me haha”

Where do you live?
Ramsbottom.... wait for cogs to finish turning and some utterly unoriginal quip to come out 🤨

Social worker here.

I get 'you know you can't save everyone love'

And 'these people on benefits with their massive TVs...'

I also get the we pay your wages bollocks.

@JudasHisCarrot it's almost invariably a moral question. It's also rhetorical. It's said in a tone of voice that says 'I judge you for doing this,' rather than a genuine interest in hearing any answer I have. It's an irritating question because it betrays that the person has made a judgment without having any knowledge of the process (if they did, they wouldn't ask it like that) and without any desire to learn about it before they form a view.

I am occasionally asked 'what do you do if you really don't believe your client? Do you still have to represent them? Can you refuse?' Which is an entirely different question in tone and not irritating at all!

Whenever I tell someone I have three sisters I get '"Ooh, just like Little Women".

@FET2020 quite. It's nonsensical- there are two ways of knowing someone is guilty (as a matter of law, acknowledging possibility of legal fuck ups): 1. They plead guilty, 2. A jury or judge finds them guilty. If I'm defending them at trial then neither of those things can have happened yet!

@GreenCheesePie exactly! Gosh, can you imagine a world were anyone could decide if someone was guilty of a crime, mind you we do have Twitter.... 😂

When people find out I’m ambidextrous ‘oooh, I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous!’
Ha. Ha.

@FET2020 yes, there are some who appear confused that the criminal courts are not Twitter and we have processes and shit to go through before we lock people up. How dare I engage in such a depraved system!

I mean, that bloke in the paper is obviously guilty, he's a funny colour and no smoke without fire and that guy who writes in the Mail said his defence was rubbish and I'm sick of experts and facts anyway.

@GreenCheesePie Thanks for clarifying! And, for my own curiosity, what are the answers to the entirely different questions in your second paragraph please? Sorry for derailing....

Not all the time but basically anytime I have been pregnant once I reached the 6 mobth mark you always get some I'm sure well meaning person saying "you look ready to pop when are you due?" Every time I went out in public.

Oh and when people realise how many siblings and cousins I have they will always say "your family clearly didn't watch TV"

When I gave my address as “x Cromwell Street” I’d be asked if I had any bodies under the patio

@JudasHisCarrot as briefly as possible (and apologies also for derailing, OP) the short answer is no, I can't refuse to defend someone if I 'strongly suspect' they are guilty. Guilt is for the jury to decide. We have the 'cab rank rule' ie we can't refuse instructions on the basis that we don't like the case/ person, which makes a lot of sense- everyone accused of a crime is entitled to make their defence, and they couldn't be prosecuted if that right was denied to them. So if barristers could refuse to represent the most odious defendants, then those people could never be brought to justice. I describe it as a triangle of Judge, Jury and Barristers- each have their own roles to play in getting the just outcome and the system can't work without any of them, including if I stop doing my role and start playing juror by deciding the defendant's guilt/ innocent instead.

There are important limitations on that and it's obviously more complicated. My duty to the court is higher than my duty to the defendant, so I'm not allow to say anything in court that I know to be untrue. For eg I can't represent someone who says 'I'm guilty but can't you try running xyz anyway.' I'm also not allowed to make up a defence for a defendant or tell them what the best thing to say would be. Finally, I'm restricted in law to the type of defence I can put forward, for example where a defence impedes on someone else's rights such as referring to previous sexual history of a rape complainant, I would have to justify to the judge why it was necessary and he or she would decide whether the defence was allowed/ fair in law before I could present it.

As I have white hair I am often asked "Are you on the Internet?"

"Are you?" I reply.

Thanks @GreenCheesePie! Have always wondered

I work in a supermarket and if I'm anywhere near "seasonal" merchandise I ALWAYS get

"oh Easter eggs already! Why do you have them out so early?"
And same for Christmas.
"Oh my gosh I can't believe you have Christmas puddings/mince pies out already!"
"It gets earlier every year!"
"You'll be bored of Christmas by the time it comes around and you won't enjoy it"

No, actually, what I don't enjoy is everyone proclaiming everything is out early, when you're probably the same people who rock up on Christmas Eve and complain there aren't any fucking Christmas puddings left! You had over a month to buy one! It's not like they go off for about another year!!!

Also just an FYI, in order to give you those reduced price offers you all love so much, we have to sell it at full price first.

DH and I had many adventures on a tandem before the DC arrived. There was always - always! - someone singing "Daisy, Daisy," from the side of the road as we cycled past, all finding themselves highly amusing and original.

Never heard that before...

I have a celeb namesake and to make matters worse he's local too. He's male, I am female. He was/is a famous drummer. Famous enough in the 80's, a few years ago you would have all heard of him.

All the time, usually from men in thier late 50'sI get

weren't you in xyz band?

Any relation to?

Oh been on tour lately?
I also get sent his gigs by people on Facebook saying "oh didn't know you were playing in my town."
I have also been mistagged by his or team so many times on social media that his promotions manager had to apologise and sent me free tickets to his most recent gig. I didn't go. It's not my thing

"Ooh, you're an author. Is writing books hard?"

"Yes, because otherwise all those people who say they'd like to write a book would do it."

Also, "No, but writing a good book is."

I have girl boy twins. I always get asked. Oh twins are they identical?
My answer is... hmm no one has a willy!