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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH grunting with dressing gown of doom

289 replies

Littlemissdaredevil · 16/02/2020 04:37

DH has a ‘bad’ shoulder. The non-stop grunting every time he moves is driving me mad. Even picking up the remote control deserves a little grunt. He’s also wearing the dressing gown of doom. In the meantime he is doing zero in the house due to his injury. I’m heavily pregnant and working FT.
For reference he hasn’t been off work, won’t see the GP, won’t got to the shop 1 minute walk away to get some ibuprofen, and was able to play football a couple of days ago. I wish he would just go and lie in bed then at least I wouldn’t have to put up with the grunting and shuffling.

OP posts:
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6
Iamthewombat · 16/02/2020 19:12

Crikey @poppyonastring, you’ve got a corker there!

I think that it’s tangible proof that men really are children at heart. I suspect that his purported illnesses are a form of tantrum. They can’t lie on the ground crying and beating their fists when they are 54 (my husband is 55 and I hear ya). Instead, their preferred method of attention seeking/ signalling that IT’S NOT FAIR/ making everybody else’s life difficult is the spurious illness.

If you aren’t reacting, they carry on worse (your DH and his “I’m not long for this world” bollocks).

I sometimes wonder whether it’s a version of the behaviour that sees men sitting in pubs boring strangers with “I could have been a contender blah blah”. They are getting on a bit and they can’t deal with the fact that they are never going to be prime minister/James Bond/ a rock star. Whereas women would just get on with it and find a new hobby or whatever, men have to behave like whinging spoilt bastards and catching a small sniffle is the perfect opportunity to express themselves.

HuntingCuns · 16/02/2020 19:13

I am so glad I am divorced.

XH had a Scarf of Sickness, specially reserved for indoor use and sore throats. I used to want to strangle him with it.

He wore it with the ubiquitous Dressing Gown of Doom. Then there was the shaky hand ("Look, look, LOOK, my hand is shaking. I've got a temperature" - cue lots of OTT hand-waggling, followed by demonstrative teeth-chattering).

He used to become very offended if I suggested that a week in isolation in the third floor bedroom would be the best place for someone so very ill.

Iamthewombat · 16/02/2020 19:14

The other night he staggered around the room saying he thought he needed an ambulance. I gave him 2 paracetamol and put him in a warm bath. Funnily enough 10 minutes later he felt a bit better and no longer needed an ambulance.

I really laughed at this.

HenHarrier · 16/02/2020 19:38

I might have sellotaped a paracetamol to someone’s forehead at some point, possibly accompanied by “if you’re not going to swallow the sodding thing it can osmose into you instead”.

Nat6999 · 16/02/2020 19:45

Get the number of a good funeral director on speed dial, you might need one soon if he either croaks or you end up strangling him with the belt of the dressing gown of doom.

NewMinouMinou · 16/02/2020 20:13

Get some Deep Heat, rub it on his shoulders and then offer him a tuggie with your linament-laden hands.
That’ll take his mind off his shoulder...

willowsmumsy · 16/02/2020 20:32

😂😂😂😂

Littlemissdaredevil · 16/02/2020 20:36

@newminouminou that has crossed my mind!

Funnily enough DH managed to have a miracle recovery this afternoon and started the DIY (two hours after I did). However, between happily humming along he did do some grunts to make sure I knew that he was still ill

OP posts:
FoamingAtTheUterus · 16/02/2020 21:36

Howling reading this, papa Smurf is giving me 'the look' Grin

Jojo2wyatr · 16/02/2020 21:42

The Dress Gown of Doom The Slipper Shuffle of Suffering
The Beard of Indisposition

^🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Poor little lambs!

brendansbuddy · 16/02/2020 21:45

These new terms will keep me chuckling for days Grin

PineappleCocktail · 16/02/2020 22:33

'And he regularly says 'I'll be dead before I'm 60 I will..... YOU will live a long time, probably to 90, but I'll not live that much longer...' '

Oh yes mine has been declaring this since we met age 22. When I ask why...'just'
Oh ok then Hmm

Lunafortheloveogod · 16/02/2020 22:53

Pissed off smurf Grin.

Anyone else’s DH/P seem to vomit through a mega phone? I know it’s not a particularly nice experience but Jesus wept I think the neighbours across the road know if he’s puking... which is also always good poisoning, never the kilo of haribo he inhaled on an empty stomach.

The cf accused my hg of “not being that bad” because he hadn’t heard me over night...

TheNoodlesIncident · 17/02/2020 00:16

He also believes paracetamol is a scam by big pharma.. his own words not a fucking joke he thinks they do nothing.

@Lunafortheloveogod I have this problem as well, although I don't think it's a big pharma scam. Paracetamol has never worked as an analgesic for me, even when I was a kid and my mum promised me it would help. I was gutted when it didn't. Not even a placebo effect!

Fortunately other analgesic medicines are available, and having two X chromosomes, I just take some of those alternatives instead.

lborgia · 17/02/2020 04:07

Yes, I vote for the burgundy....

My DH gets terrible colds. Maybe 1 a year. He comes home early from work, having sensibly stopped at the chemist on the way to his death bed. He hides for 4 days at which point I make him an apt because it's usually turned into a chest infection or similar. This is how it should be done.

The rest of the year he will make sure he is in the same room at me at all times if there is a chance that he will have to update me on his headache, hangnail that he pulled off so it's torn too far, "niggly" back, or general exhaustion from putting the bin out.

If it's his back he needs to do hours of stretching exercises that cut right through all timetabled events, bedtimes, children's dinners. He bangs and crashes around finding heat packs, heating said packs, wondering how long he should keep pack on back? whether an ice pack might not be helpful? Meanwhile I've organised the entire world, while providing all necessary info on medicine dosage and timing because apparently no one can keep this in their heads apart from me.

And then I snap, tell him to read the instructions, go and die quietly, and that I just don't care.

Wounded and silent is much easier than mildly energised by injury resolution. I'm a cow, but it's ridiculous behaviour!

Lunafortheloveogod · 17/02/2020 07:53

@TheNoodlesIncident I’ve heard of that, like a type of person.. not sure what.. but that certain types of pain killers don’t work at all for them. Unfortunately he is not one of them.. the closest he’s came to paracetamol is giving ds it n getting the inevitable splash back from the infants protests.

I asked if he knew of any other pharma scam drugs... “pretty much all of them”
So... all drugs are scams.
I wonder if that can be used in my argument for him getting the snip Grin

YouTheCat · 17/02/2020 09:31

My dd has Gilbert's Syndrome which is to do with the liver. For her, it affects vitamin D and also means that paracetamol isn't effectively broken down and so doesn't work.

Monkeynuts18 · 17/02/2020 10:23

Yep, I hear you. And so many others on this thread.

Mine has the DGOD and the SSOD. He also does the quavery voice - with a fake nasal tone so you’re left in no doubt as to how blocked up he is. He couples this with loud, exaggerated, shouty sneezes and huge theatrical sniffs.

The week before last I came down with mastitis - and our baby was ill with a virus. It was horrendous. But his cold took priority.

This thread is hilarious but there is a serious issue behind it - they do it a) to get out of pulling their weight around the house or with childcare, b) because they think women’s pain is inferior and men’s pain is superior, and/or c) because they can’t stand attention being diverted from them.

DieCryHate · 17/02/2020 11:01

Sympathies to you OP. mine has a crown of malaise (stupid beanie hat that has a hole and is approximately 15 years old). Toddler woke up a few times last night. I am working from home today and he's been shuffling in and out with hang dog expression and stupid hat. He's taken this morning off work because he's so tired, but I've been informed he will be a big busy important man this afternoon and will be working from home also after his morning in bed. He said this while I'm sat at my laptop about to join a meeting. Quite what he thinks I'm doing today I don't know Hmm

Nearly47 · 17/02/2020 17:40

Have one those here too... What annoy me the most is the refusal to take any medicine. They don't want to get better.

Jemzy30 · 17/02/2020 18:01

Omg my husband is exactly the same! If he’s got a cold he comes in limping and bent over saying how ill he is! Pathetic lol

Shell4429 · 17/02/2020 18:01

Glad to be single.

browneyes77 · 17/02/2020 18:03

Urgh. My DP drives me insane when he is ill.

He doesn’t wear a dressing gown because he prefers to sit around in his pants. So despite shivering with flu, he’ll still lie in bed with his pants on instead of wrapping himself up and then moan that he’s “shivering”. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON THEN!!

He’s another who hates taking painkillers, as he ‘doesn’t think they’re good for you’.

44 years old and he turns into a baby when he’s ill. Expects you to run around after him getting him drinks and food, because he’s “too ill”. I remind him when he has flu, that the infection is contained in the top half of his body and that his legs still work Hmm

When I’m ill though and say anything about feeling ill, I get told I’m a ‘hypochondriac’ Angry

Mmpip · 17/02/2020 18:18

If he wont take painkillers then he can't be in too much pain. Tell him to fuckin grow some....Bloody Men. I wonder how much sympathy you'll be getting when your pushing out his kid...!!!

purplepeopleeater1 · 17/02/2020 18:27

I feel your pain..my dh has an eye infection..has been off work all day with the d.g.o.d also on, he's just got dressed and has been 'meaning' to call the optician all day but of course hasn't! Is the same with cold (read flu), tummy upset (aka norovirus)etc. Never know whether to call the doctor or a drama critic!