DH grunting with dressing gown of doom

[Littlemissdaredevil]

DH has a ‘bad’ shoulder. The non-stop grunting every time he moves is driving me mad. Even picking up the remote control deserves a little grunt. He’s also wearing the dressing gown of doom. In the meantime he is doing zero in the house due to his injury. I’m heavily pregnant and working FT.
For reference he hasn’t been off work, won’t see the GP, won’t got to the shop 1 minute walk away to get some ibuprofen, and was able to play football a couple of days ago. I wish he would just go and lie in bed then at least I wouldn’t have to put up with the grunting and shuffling.

What about the head in the hands, and the stifled gasp of pain bravely borne? It has me reaching for the carving knife.

I'm lucky that my DH has the decency to retire to bed when he has man flu, and tends to sleep it off reasonably quickly....As long as the Medical Emergency Products of Lemsip, a jug of orange squash and Heinz tomato soup are offered regularly. Mere paracetamol or Tesco own brañd soup will NOT DO!

I once found the man of the house sitting in the DGOD with a tissue stuffed up each nostril (tampon stylee) because his nose was running and was getting too sore to wipe.

@Doobie2 I have to say I’ve actually done this when I’ve been really ill... I get crazy post nasal drip and go through huge amounts of tissue.

Oh the moaning with the head in hands! 😱 I remember once saying to exH "if you ever want sex again within your lifetime, you will NEVER make that noise again!" They turn into children wanting their mothers again. It's so deeply unattractive.

This just in! I have a new injury report complete with descriptive terms! DH decided to go for a hike in the wilderness and turned his ankle. Instead of calling me to come and pick him up, he trekked all the way back home over hill and dale..(He's a tough one, my DH!) He dragged himself into the house and after a few more limpy steps I offered him The Ice Pack of Indignation. At first he refused but after realizing the utter pain he was in he admitted defeat and said ok. We didn't have an ACE bandage to wrap the injury but I suggested a Saggy (or stinky, take your pick) Sock of Stubbornness so he wouldn't have to hold the cold pack. He thought it over awhile and after a few minutes of icy torture he decided that I'd come up with an ingenious idea. I also offered paracetamol, but he vehemently refused it because , now get this,...it might make it feel better!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣His reasoning was that if it felt better he might just forget that he was injured and continue on with his day as if he were cured. This of course would deny him of a well earned spell of propping up his ankle and having me wait on him hand and foot. He was being so stoic I decided to pamper him a bit tonight. Stayed tuned to see if this practically incapacitating injury has improved by morning. Fingers crossed!

I also offered paracetamol, but he vehemently refused it because , now get this,...it might make it feel better!!!

The male psyche in a nutshell. Ease off on the pampering or he’ll stretch it out for weeks!

The Ice Pack of Indignation
mended him right up...he even took the dog for walk today

Please save me! DH last night told me he feels like he’s coming down with a cold!

Please save me! DH last night told me he feels like he’s coming down with a cold!

Potentially amputation is a solution. If it’s that bad the whole thing needs to come off.
I say this as a pretend doctor.

Tell him to avoid the risk of it being corona virus he needs to self isolate in the garden shed for a fortnight.

Some of these replies have had me in hysterics!! On a serious note though (sorry to hijack OP) I've got a frozen shoulder and I'm so aware of the moaning when doing anything as I'm sure it must get on OH's nerves. I've had physio, acupuncture and am now on cocodamol from the GP. It's still agony!! Any tips apart from a steroid injection which I'm not sure will work either. Sorry again OP to hijack.

Frozen shoulder - I’ve had this and it is agonising. I tried physio and chiro, and got referred for hydrodilatation (didn’t have it in the end).

My top tips:

Keep it moving - my physio friend suggested the Harvard ones.

Use a support pillow for your neck (I have one of these ) and use an ordinary pillow under your affected arm.

Most frozen shoulders get better on their own - mine went through about 5 months of the freezing / painful stage and then I felt it start to ease. I did the Harvard exercises and it’s back to full mobility.

The trouble is he hasn’t got a frozen shoulder or a trapped nerve. He want to play football again last night and had gone to work every day in a manual job and refused to make a GP app.

I’m fulling expecting the DGOD to come out when I get home as ‘coming down with a cold’ will have definitely turned into Coronavirus by the time to get home. If it doesn’t it will have definitely done by 3pm on Sunday when England play in the Six Nations. Self isolation would be a blessing as then I wouldn’t need to listen to the grunting, coughing, dramatic sighing, and the croaky trembling ‘I need mummy voice’.

Haha! I haven’t RTFT but what I have read sounds very familiar. God help the world if my husband gets “sick”. Whenever I see him shakily reaching for the cupboard with the painkillers I swiftly leave the room. Only then he has to wait about, sighing and groaning until I eventually come back to take them in case I miss seeing it happen. Hard not to roll the eyes but if I ask what’s wrong I’ll just get a faux stoic “I’ll be okayyy cough, cough”.

He always has to rattle his jar of pills for effect and to make doubly sure I heard. And no. I’m not taking chronic illness here. I’m talking run-of-the-mill headaches/aches and pains.

I'd be losing the dressing gown the minute he takes it off. Shove it in the wash and then just don't dry it. Sounds like he doesn't know how to dry it himself. Then bin it after a few days as it has started smelling...

Does anyone else's DH do the 'lips together exceedingly long breathe out'? So rather than breathing silently like normal people do the out breath is more of a paaaaaaooooooooooooh.

@HenHarrier Thank you - will try anything at the mo!! OP - it's made me feel worse as OH has a cast on his arm at the moment and isn't making half the noises that I'm making!! Am just loving the scenario's conjured up with the dressing gown of doom and the slippers of sympathy. Do the symptoms also subside when the 'dressing gown is in the wash?

@SuzieSunshine

I know that feeling! When it was getting towards its worst I had to do the 4.5 hr drive to my DM because she'd hurt her wrist and couldn't walk the dog - I had to be so careful not to bump my elbow on the drivers door because that would have me in tears of pain.

DM has her own version of the DGOD - the Housecoat of Feebleness. When it comes out I have to resort to large quantities of wine.

Hen....that was a good one
HOUSECOAT OF FEEBLENESS 🤣🤣🤣🤣
There needs to be directory of all the maladiness terms...or at least they should be added to Urban Dictionary

My people!

I think what winds me up is the constant and repetitive updates. I DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD EVERY 10 MINUTES ABOUT YOUR MAN FLU. I think the nadir was the alarm going off in the morning and the first thing he said to me was, "My throat is still sore..." Yes, and good morning to YOU, oh Turkish delight of my desert.

Oh, and the vomiting through a megaphone - yes! When DH throws up I'm sure there are people the other side of Cambridge looking up and saying, "Did you hear something?"

@Littlemissdaredevil
You forgot to tell us what happened when it was realised that football kit wasn't washed, dried, and ironed to perfection yesterday

I can't believe this username was available. I'm never changing it again.

Also mine did it, he finally told me today he thinks he has Coronavirus.

There are 0 cases of Coronavirus in our country and we haven't been abroad in 8 years