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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Please help me calm down

141 replies

YappityYapYap · 15/02/2020 18:42

Today, one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life happened.

I have a 3 year old DS and today I took him out for a meal with my family and some of my sisters friends because my sister is away to have a baby next month and instead of a baby shower, she just wanted to have a nice meal. All was going well, DS was behaving very well and sat for his food. It got to the end and the bill was being paid. My other sister needed to leave as her fiance was outside in the car to pick her up (city centre, very busy) and my other sister who's meal it was wanted to go and get her car so all the presents would be easier to take to her car. My mum, me, my DS and my sisters DD were left in the restaurant with the presents and getting our coats on waiting for my sister to come back. My mum was chatting to the waitress and I had gotten DS's jacket and hat on and was putting my own on when DS managed to get out of the booth we were sat in and was playing with some of the balloons with my niece (sisters DD). I was sort of trapped in the booth as the presents were piled up at the side of me but he seemed happy there and my mum was stood up so I just started getting my jacket on more quickly to go and retrieve him.

Then of all a sudden, he made a break for it and ran to the door, I shouted on my mum and said DS was running to the door but I wasn't sure if she heard me so I stood up and pushed the presents out of the way and went to run after him. My bag got caught on the table and I was panicking then got myself free and by this time, all I could hear was beeping and people shouting. I ran so fast to the door to see that my DS was running into the main city centre road. As soon as I saw this, panic set in and as I ran, my legs gave way and I went flying into the pavement face first. A lady ran over and helped me up and I was like that's my son, where is he and she said it's ok, my FIL has managed to get him from the other side of the road, he isn't harmed and she lead me back to the restaurant door. I looked up (it was raining so heavy) and I saw my mum, an old man and my DS coming towards me and the old man handed me my son and said he's ok love and I took my son and said thank you so much and was crying as I said it. I was in so much shock from seeing my DS in the middle of the busy road and falling that I could hardly talk. There was lots of people by this point and the waitress had came out and was leading me back inside and saying I should sit down. I had DS's hand firmly and went back inside briefly before saying we need to go now. I held DS's very tight and walked to my car, strapped him into his car seat and just kept crying and felt so shaky. My mum came running up to my car and got in the passenger side and kept asking if I was ok. I was just in so much shock, it's hard to explain how it feels seeing your small child in the middle of a busy road with cars swerving to miss him and the way my body responded by letting me down and making my legs give way.

I don't know what to do now. I'm just sat here in shock at home. I drove home with DS and gave him a big hug when we got into the house. He doesn't seem to realise what happened. He is being assessed at the moment for autism. He doesn't talk but otherwise acts like a typical 3 year old minus this incident. DH got home from a day out with his work friends half an hour a go and I told him what happened. He has decided the best course of action is to go to the shop and get me a bottle of wine (I never drink) to try and calm me down a bit and for us to just be thankful that DS is ok and that I'm badly injured from the fall (just a sore knee). I sat here shitting myself that I can't protect my son properly. Am I an awful mother?

OP posts:

pollyhampton · 15/02/2020 18:45

You are absolutely not an awful mother. You poor thing, what a shock. Take time to calm down, debrief with your husband and please dont blame yourself.

FuckKnowsMate · 15/02/2020 18:46

That sounds awful OP, really sorry to hear that I can only imagine how frightening that was and I can feel it through your post. All I can say is listen to your husband and have that wine to take the edge off.
And in no way are you an awful mother.

olivo · 15/02/2020 18:47

Absolutely not an awful mum, this could have happened to anyone. Give your son an extra hug when you put him to bed and take time to look after yourself after such a shock,

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2020 18:47

I’m so sorry, that’s so awful and a horrible shock. I’m glad he was OK.
You aren’t a shit mum at all, kids bolt sometimes! It happens! Many parents have been in your situation.
Be kind to yourself tonight, I promise you’ll feel better soon.

Dilbertian · 15/02/2020 18:50

Do you know how amazing you are that you did not shout at him? You are the best mum he could have.

Dennisreynoldsduster · 15/02/2020 18:50

When I was young child I ran out into the middle
Of the road while we were waiting to cross. My mum shouted no! And I literally stopped short in the middle with cars whizzing by on either side. She managed to retrieve me and no harm was done, I was fine but she was a wreck for days! I don’t even remember this I only know because she told me.
She wasn’t a bad mother OP just like you’re not, it was very unlucky and now you’ll keep an especially tight grip on DS for a while (not saying you didn’t before!) but he’s fine thankfully and so are you and you just need to give yourself time to get over the shock.
Drink the wine, take some deep breaths and just focus on the fact that you are all safe and ok.

goldenorbspider · 15/02/2020 18:51

What a scary experience op! Well done for not shouting. Toddlers really do test us

DollyPomPoms · 15/02/2020 18:52

You are the best Mother. You noticed him run, you ran after him. He is safe.

TorkTorkBam · 15/02/2020 18:52

Your husband came in from drinking and then went out for more drink when he saw you were upset? You don't drink.

Is this your normal? Is this why you are so tightly wound?

Everybody I know has had a fear of imminent death moment with their child. Not bad mothering. Just life. You are fine.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 15/02/2020 18:55

You're not a bad mother. These things happen and you reacted perfectly. You didn't get angry, you prioritised your son over everything and everyone else and you gave him a huge hug to let him know he was safe.

Be grateful you're both safe and don't blame yourself.

RozHuntleysStump · 15/02/2020 18:55

Bloody hell. You poor thing. Have lots of tea and try calm down.

JassyRadlett · 15/02/2020 18:55

Oh god you poor thing. I do know how you feel - when my eldest was seven he choked on a grape. We are incredibly lucky he survived and is fine.

I beat myself up about not halving his grapes, even though he was older than the guidelines say is ok. And I had nightmares about it for ages. I’ve never been so terrified because you can just see ‘this is how it happens’.

But ultimately, sometimes these things happen, we learn from them and they shape us - but your boy is still here, and that’s what matters. Hold him tight, let him sleep in your bed, and let yourself cry.

Herpesfreesince03 · 15/02/2020 18:55

@torktorkbam where did it say her husband has been drinking? And if she doesn’t normally drink then how is it her normal?

Original poster

YappityYapYap · 15/02/2020 18:57

My husband wasn't out drinking, he was just at a football game with his work friends. Thanks for all the kind messages

OP posts:

Newschapter · 15/02/2020 18:59

@TorkTorkBam

She said her dh came in from a DAY OUT with his work friends. She didn't mention he had been for drink. Wind your neck in.

Op you're a good mum, a bad mum wouldn't think this was as bad as you do

Original poster

YappityYapYap · 15/02/2020 18:59

So sorry to hear about your incident Jassy. What helped you? I certainly will have nightmares tonight, that's a given

OP posts:

Berrymuch · 15/02/2020 19:01

Of course you aren't an awful mother, but be kind to yourself, it can take a while to 'get over' something like this, even thought not your fault at all and everyone is safe. Some wine, chocs, telly and an early night might help?

TorkTorkBam · 15/02/2020 19:04

Your post made me think the real problem is your husband not being kind because he goes out to buy a bottle of wine even though you don't drink, instead of giving you a hug. I thought that was what you were alluding to. If not, ignore.

You are not alone. Most of us have had a moment like this. Have a cuddle, do whatever soothes you best and you will feel better in the morning.

Bluetrews25 · 15/02/2020 19:06

What a terrible end to a lovely afternoon, no wonder your adrenalin is running full pelt!
I'd suggest you swerve the alcohol if you don't normally have any - you don't want to be hung over tomorrow.
You've done right to write it all down, and talk as much as you need to, to de-brief.
You have not been a bad mum, you just had a near miss that many of us have been lucky to dodge.
Hot chocolate? Bath/shower? Mindless telly?
Accept you might not sleep tonight.

Original poster

YappityYapYap · 15/02/2020 19:08

TorkTorkBam, he did give me a cuddle and we've spoken about it, sorry I didn't put that in the OP. I think he just suggested the wine because I'm shaking. I made a cup of sweet tea when I got home but it didn't really help. I feel more at ease knowing a lot of other mothers have had these moments too, I don't feel so alone and bad now

OP posts:

handbagsatdawn33 · 15/02/2020 19:08

So sorry for your distress.
To be practical, how about getting reins for DS? I believe you can also get them disguised as a backpack & he will not be able to run away from you.

Herpesfreesince03 · 15/02/2020 19:09

@TorkTorkBam stop talking shit 🙄

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 15/02/2020 19:09

You have had a terrible shock but it does not make you a terrible mother. Kids challenge you and some see no danger. We spend our days living in fear of that a & e visit.
My eldest decided to go missing in a strange shopping centre. He was there one minute and gone the next. I was frantic with visions of poor Jamie Bulger running through my head. He was so little and so trusting. We found him following a couple that looked like myself and my husband from the back. After that, he wore either a wrist band or dog tags with our number on and was taught who to go to if he ever got lost. 16 years later, it still haunts me. He fell over, down and into stuff all the time despite me trying to protect him. In latter years we found out about his dyspraxia. The youngest was always getting into scrapes. Even now, when one can drive and the other takes public transport, I live with a permanent bubble tum over their welfare and safety.
Having kids comes with wellbeing anxiety. We have to live with it and do our best.

Nearlyalmost50 · 15/02/2020 19:11

It took me about two days to calm down and not have flashing images after one of mine had something fall very close on their head. It missed by millimetres, grazing them and would have certainly been fatal had it fully fallen on them. I felt ill for days afterwards.

Same when one of mine escaped out of the house reaching a lock I thought they couldn't reach.

Don't beat yourself up, close calls are part of parenting and your reaction to run towards the traffic to save him (even if your legs stopped you, perhaps almost stopping you from being injured more badly) makes you a good mum, not a bad one. Hugs to you today and take it easy the next few days.

TorkTorkBam · 15/02/2020 19:12

Just asking many a horror marriage story has unfolded on here like this. It's lovely that this isn't that situation.

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