Please help me calm down

[YappityYapYap]

Today, one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life happened.

I have a 3 year old DS and today I took him out for a meal with my family and some of my sisters friends because my sister is away to have a baby next month and instead of a baby shower, she just wanted to have a nice meal. All was going well, DS was behaving very well and sat for his food. It got to the end and the bill was being paid. My other sister needed to leave as her fiance was outside in the car to pick her up (city centre, very busy) and my other sister who's meal it was wanted to go and get her car so all the presents would be easier to take to her car. My mum, me, my DS and my sisters DD were left in the restaurant with the presents and getting our coats on waiting for my sister to come back. My mum was chatting to the waitress and I had gotten DS's jacket and hat on and was putting my own on when DS managed to get out of the booth we were sat in and was playing with some of the balloons with my niece (sisters DD). I was sort of trapped in the booth as the presents were piled up at the side of me but he seemed happy there and my mum was stood up so I just started getting my jacket on more quickly to go and retrieve him.

Then of all a sudden, he made a break for it and ran to the door, I shouted on my mum and said DS was running to the door but I wasn't sure if she heard me so I stood up and pushed the presents out of the way and went to run after him. My bag got caught on the table and I was panicking then got myself free and by this time, all I could hear was beeping and people shouting. I ran so fast to the door to see that my DS was running into the main city centre road. As soon as I saw this, panic set in and as I ran, my legs gave way and I went flying into the pavement face first. A lady ran over and helped me up and I was like that's my son, where is he and she said it's ok, my FIL has managed to get him from the other side of the road, he isn't harmed and she lead me back to the restaurant door. I looked up (it was raining so heavy) and I saw my mum, an old man and my DS coming towards me and the old man handed me my son and said he's ok love and I took my son and said thank you so much and was crying as I said it. I was in so much shock from seeing my DS in the middle of the busy road and falling that I could hardly talk. There was lots of people by this point and the waitress had came out and was leading me back inside and saying I should sit down. I had DS's hand firmly and went back inside briefly before saying we need to go now. I held DS's very tight and walked to my car, strapped him into his car seat and just kept crying and felt so shaky. My mum came running up to my car and got in the passenger side and kept asking if I was ok. I was just in so much shock, it's hard to explain how it feels seeing your small child in the middle of a busy road with cars swerving to miss him and the way my body responded by letting me down and making my legs give way.

I don't know what to do now. I'm just sat here in shock at home. I drove home with DS and gave him a big hug when we got into the house. He doesn't seem to realise what happened. He is being assessed at the moment for autism. He doesn't talk but otherwise acts like a typical 3 year old minus this incident. DH got home from a day out with his work friends half an hour a go and I told him what happened. He has decided the best course of action is to go to the shop and get me a bottle of wine (I never drink) to try and calm me down a bit and for us to just be thankful that DS is ok and that I'm badly injured from the fall (just a sore knee). I sat here shitting myself that I can't protect my son properly. Am I an awful mother?

Most parents have a moment like this. It is awful at the time, and I won't lie and say it never comes back to give you the cold sweats! Mine were a) losing my child in a museum in a foreign country (rescued by security guards)
b) losing the same child in a department store (turned out to be hiding under a clothes rack)
(My other child never seemed to have these issues...)
My tip for the flashbacks - picture the happiness of everything being alright in the end, not the what-might-have-been!
No harm done, thank goodness.

Oh wow. you poor thing. Take your time, and don't be surprised what kind of 'feels' you might go through. You had a nasty shock and so NOT your fault.

I am so sorry. I am so glad everything is ok except you are understandably in a state. It’ll take time for it all to be processed. You did everything right and nothing wrong. What a nightmare. Be gentle with yourself. Sob it out of it helps. What a shock. Everything is ok and you did absolutely nothing wrong.

That must have been horrible, but I'm glad you have seen how wonderful people can be.

Small children can move so fast when we least expect it.

I met a lady once who lost her four-year-old for four hours in one of the worst parts for traffic and low life of Mexico City. She found him safe and well.

I’m sorry you had such an awful time Op. This is no way makes you a bad mother. Forgive yourself and move on. Thankfully it had a good ending and you can move on.

4 kids and I’ve had a few incidents with mine 2 when I was right beside them (I’m also a paediatric nurse) this wasn’t your fault and your son is fine. You do go back over thr what ifs and beat yourself up I think that’s part of being a parent tbh.

You’re worrying because you’re a good mum, have a drink and relax

Wow, you poor thing. There isn’t really much more you could have done so try not to beat yourself up over it. Children are always changing and trying new things, as soon as you feel settled and in a routine with them, they change things up again. I bet all of the drivers and people involved today have also been playing it over in their minds, wondering whether they could have reacted sooner and feeling shaken about it. Hopefully that will comfort you a little bit, not just because it means your reaction is normal (and obviously much more extreme as his mom) but that other people also care and will try to help a child in danger.

I’ve never had a road incident with my child, but I did have a trip to A&E with a scald that was completely my fault. I sobbed for hours and have never, ever forgiven myself for it. I’d never make that mistake again.

I know that my mom had a similar situation when I was a baby, when people used to leave pushchairs outside shops. The brakes went and my pushchair rolled down the hill towards a road, but luckily a man nearby spotted it and managed to run after and catch me before I hit traffic. I’m in my thirties now and my mom still mentions it. That kind of thing will always stay with you, but the feelings will be less intense over time.

And now you know that there is a risk of him doing this, you can keep it in mind and avoid it happening in future. So you’ll be able to keep him safer with this new knowledge.

Please please please do no have a go at yourself. My youngest is diagnosed with ASC and classically she does not see or understand danger. My heart is often in my mouth and from the moment she was mobile I have parented in trainers for maximum speed. I have had countless close shaves including several choking incidents due to pica. Give yourself a hug, get a good night's rest if you can and absolutely know you did your best💐

Hope you are starting to feel a bit better - my 3y who can’t speak and is impulse can bolt at anytime so I can understand how quickly thing can happen - you are all safe so give him and extra hug tonight x

I managed to get my fingers through a fire guard as a toddler in the time it took my mum to go to the kitchen to get my bottle. All 4 fingertips had to be amputated. You can take every safety precaution and still have freak accidents happen, it by no means reflects on your ability as a parent, take care of yourself x

I had a similar experience when my dd was small. I was crossing a road with one way traffic, so looking towards where any traffic would be , I stepped out into the road, pushing dd in her pushchair in front of me. Suddenly a speeding car came from the other direction, I pulled the pushchair back, but not enough , the car swerved just enough to miss dd by inches. I stood there in shock and a man came up to me, white faced, saying he had thought the car would mow down the pushchair. Even thinking of it now, 14 years later, I feel sick and my heart is racing.
I think most parents have at least one near miss like this.

Awful. Feel your pain op. When DS was 18 months he managed to throw himself in a swimming pool. He was fine, but it took me about a week to recover.

I had a sprinter too op. You're not an awful mother.

I understand how much of a shock you get. My sprinter did the same thing. He's 8 now and my heart still races when I think about it.

This is not your fault. Kids are fast.

Last July I lost my three year old in a busy park. There was an open river running through it. I just turned away from watching him for about ten seconds to get his big brother a sandwich from our picnic. He was missing for about twenty to thirty minutes and I have never felt panic like it. It's left me with lasting anxiety over taking him out. He's nearly four and still in reins as he just bolts. He is also being assessed for speech delay and autism. I feel like I've failed him, every day, and it's crushing. I drink quite a bit of wine when he's safe in bed and the doors are all locked! I know how you feel op. I give myself a pat on the back everyday he's alive.

I was very pregnant with DC2 and went to the DIY shop with 15 month old DC1. She escaped me in the check out queue and I was blocked in front and back. She went through both pairs of sliding glass doors and through the small car park heading to the main road where cars go st 70km/h. Just managed to get to her but it's stayed with me for 14 years. Bolters are a nightmare.

Sounds traumatic. Have the wine and relax. X

How absolutely terrifying. No wonder you are in shock. You sound like you are a great mum and you have a great husband too! Take care of yourself this evening. In time this shock will fade and will become a family anecdote - albeit a shocker of one! Just breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel the relief.

op take some time to calm down from this, but if you are still having issues remembering (either lost memory or flashbacks) in a few weeks time then please talk to your GP about PTSD. That feeling of adrenaline overload is a serious indicator that you may suffer from PTSD in the future.
ps. You are certainly NOT a bad mum.

At 3, my DD managed to climb to her bedroom window, open it and climb out (Lived in a ground floor flat).

I felt like the worst mother in the world.

She's 12 now, so it's all good, but she did things that nearly gave me a heart attack.

In fact, I remember my brother and nephew doing similar things. Kids are born to prove their parents wrong.

MY DD2 was just unloading the children out of the car and her 2 Y/O boy mamaged to undo his seat belt and whilst she was having a small problem with DD's seat the young wannabee Whippet was off down the road he'd managed around 200 metres before she noticed him gone it was all very quick.

That boy sure can run for a 2 year old!

Mum mamaged to catch him going into someones back garden on the estate, fortunatly he was wearing a bright Yellow jumper so was easily visable.

Shook her up a bit i can tell you!.

Was she a poor mum?? getaway!! shes an excellent mum like the OP is:)

It is a horrible experience but the shock will wear off. Don’t blame yourself, the way you ran and even the fall alerted other people that they needed to help.

I randomly ran out in front of a car when I was about 5. And a child I was nannying tore her hand out of mine and dived into the road too. Put quite a lot of years on me but she was fine. These things do happen, so please don't beat yourself up.

Op dd at the same age fell into a fast river and was swept away. I froze and stood on the bank it was only when dh shouted “get her out” that I was able to move. He was at the top of the riverbank and had dd#2 strapped to him so it had to be me. Not my finest parenting moment!

😲😲😲 How did you get her out ? Was she ok ?