Today, one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life happened.
I have a 3 year old DS and today I took him out for a meal with my family and some of my sisters friends because my sister is away to have a baby next month and instead of a baby shower, she just wanted to have a nice meal. All was going well, DS was behaving very well and sat for his food. It got to the end and the bill was being paid. My other sister needed to leave as her fiance was outside in the car to pick her up (city centre, very busy) and my other sister who's meal it was wanted to go and get her car so all the presents would be easier to take to her car. My mum, me, my DS and my sisters DD were left in the restaurant with the presents and getting our coats on waiting for my sister to come back. My mum was chatting to the waitress and I had gotten DS's jacket and hat on and was putting my own on when DS managed to get out of the booth we were sat in and was playing with some of the balloons with my niece (sisters DD). I was sort of trapped in the booth as the presents were piled up at the side of me but he seemed happy there and my mum was stood up so I just started getting my jacket on more quickly to go and retrieve him.
Then of all a sudden, he made a break for it and ran to the door, I shouted on my mum and said DS was running to the door but I wasn't sure if she heard me so I stood up and pushed the presents out of the way and went to run after him. My bag got caught on the table and I was panicking then got myself free and by this time, all I could hear was beeping and people shouting. I ran so fast to the door to see that my DS was running into the main city centre road. As soon as I saw this, panic set in and as I ran, my legs gave way and I went flying into the pavement face first. A lady ran over and helped me up and I was like that's my son, where is he and she said it's ok, my FIL has managed to get him from the other side of the road, he isn't harmed and she lead me back to the restaurant door. I looked up (it was raining so heavy) and I saw my mum, an old man and my DS coming towards me and the old man handed me my son and said he's ok love and I took my son and said thank you so much and was crying as I said it. I was in so much shock from seeing my DS in the middle of the busy road and falling that I could hardly talk. There was lots of people by this point and the waitress had came out and was leading me back inside and saying I should sit down. I had DS's hand firmly and went back inside briefly before saying we need to go now. I held DS's very tight and walked to my car, strapped him into his car seat and just kept crying and felt so shaky. My mum came running up to my car and got in the passenger side and kept asking if I was ok. I was just in so much shock, it's hard to explain how it feels seeing your small child in the middle of a busy road with cars swerving to miss him and the way my body responded by letting me down and making my legs give way.
I don't know what to do now. I'm just sat here in shock at home. I drove home with DS and gave him a big hug when we got into the house. He doesn't seem to realise what happened. He is being assessed at the moment for autism. He doesn't talk but otherwise acts like a typical 3 year old minus this incident. DH got home from a day out with his work friends half an hour a go and I told him what happened. He has decided the best course of action is to go to the shop and get me a bottle of wine (I never drink) to try and calm me down a bit and for us to just be thankful that DS is ok and that I'm badly injured from the fall (just a sore knee). I sat here shitting myself that I can't protect my son properly. Am I an awful mother?