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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do your kids to at their grandparents houses?

117 replies

Snugglemonster84 · 15/02/2020 09:05

Morning. My kids are 6 and 9. Boy and girl. They have an extremely close relationship with my parents. We see them every Saturday for a few hours. My parents house has always been filled with toys for them and my parents always play with the kids the whole time we are there. Card games, board games, toys etc. Will play outside during the summer too.
This past 12 months the kids have started to get bored there (my parents are in their 70s). Particularly my eldest. There is also no Internet there. They've started to say they don't want to go anymore. Aibu to feel sad about this? My parents live for my kids and I know it's natural as kids grow older, but I just feel sad for my mum and dad.

My in laws we see every Sunday. They are in their 60s. They expect the kids to sit quietly whilst the adults talk. My kids have always hated going there but of course we still do. The kids understand the grandparents want to see them and are well behaved.
Any advice on how to keep everyone happy? Should they come up to our house all the time instead? My husband enjoys his only few hours alone on a Saturday and he wouldn't like them up here every week as my dad is very interfering

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 15/02/2020 09:09

A cop out, I know, but why can't the kids take their tablets/phones etc with them? Then they're occupied and happy. Grandparents can chat to their hearts content.

Tinnedpeachesandcream · 15/02/2020 09:09

Sounds very stifling having to do exactly the same thing every weekend! Can’t you mix it up a bit? Meet your parents at softplay/national trust type place for coffee whilst the kids run about or take them bowling or something? Also I’d be bored senseless going to ILs every week just to sit around and chat-can’t you go for a walk/out for lunch or something? We are very fond of both sets of grandparents and see them regularly - one set are less fit and active but have a massive garden and DCs are perfectly happy to run around in it. Other ILs have a beautiful and pristine house but a dog and they all go out for long muddy walks together. Both sets of Gps have toys and WiFi but getting out the house really helps.

BlueJava · 15/02/2020 09:09

Personally I'd say weekly visits to your parents and your ILs is way over the top, monthly might be more reasonable. However, can they do something with your parents like baking, crafting of some sort, can Grandad teach them a bit of woodwork, sewing, making slime, go out for a picnic when nicer, go for a walk, visit somewhere local etc? If they are doing stuff rather than just being indoors it may be easier.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2020 09:10

Why do you see both sets of parents every weekend?

Do your DC do clubs at the weekend, see friends? Do you do things just as a family of 4?

As DC get older you usually have to start changing your routines.

WTFdidwedo · 15/02/2020 09:11

My parents and grandparents have loads of toys at both their houses but they have 10 grandchildren from toddlers upwards and we're all a very hands on family. To answer the question, they mainly play with toys, run around in the garden or watch TV/play on their great grandparents' tablets. Can they watch TV there?

What do you mean by your last bit though? Do you only take them there to give your husband time alone? Do you get the same time to yourself?

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2020 09:14

OP do you go and see the ILs, or is that when you get a break?

Bluerussian · 15/02/2020 09:15

Play, eat, taken out.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 15/02/2020 09:15

Tbh, seeing both sets of parents every week seems a bit much. Don't your DC have any clubs or activities at the weekend? What if you fancy a day out somewhere. I would find it boring to do the same thing every weekend.

As PP said, if you want it to continue why not mix it up? Meet out somewhere or invite them to yours sometime? It doesn't need to be the same thing week in week out.

notanotherjigsawpiece · 15/02/2020 09:16

My DS loves visiting my parents - they play board game, play the Wii or he plays outside with their dog. He has his own room there and sometimes goes upstairs to play on his phone (teenager). He stays over once a week and looks forward to it. My dad collects him from school that day then brings him home the next morning. I don’t think he’d want to spend a whole Saturday or Sunday there though as that’s when he would practice his music or go out with friends.

We visit PIL about once a month. DS finds it a bit more boring there as the grandchildren tend to be sent up to the living room to watch tv while the adults sit in the kitchen and talk. But they are kind people and treat DS (their step-GC) as one of the family.

Vulpine · 15/02/2020 09:16

Play games, read books, run around outside

honesttogod · 15/02/2020 09:17

My kids have toys there but if they get that bored then they ask to draw or play/watch YouTube on someone's phone. My parents do the school pick up a couple of times a week so are there quite a lot.

Fizzypoo · 15/02/2020 09:18

My DC go round my DM after school for tea once a week. That way she gets to see them and it doesn't effect my weekend. She's actually quite good at dragging them out for a dog walk (dc are teens) baking, hamma beads or renting a sky movie.

My lovely nan has my DC overnight once a week and has done for years. They are allowed to run feral. There's an xbox with unlimited screen time, two decent parks nearby and they can literally do what they want.

I see my mum with the DC on the odd weekend walk/roast dinner/coffee. As she sees DC regularly I don't need to. I see my nan more lunch out once a week on my lunch break whilst DC are at school.

Wonkywyebrows · 15/02/2020 09:18

My kids play games, Lego, watch tv, talk, and use tablets & phones at grandparents.

Longdistance · 15/02/2020 09:19

My dds see both sets of grandparents, so fil less so. At fils he has some toys and ours the tv on for them, though they’re only there an hour usually.
I see my mum quite regularly as she’s unwell, but go on a Sunday lunchtime. We’re usually there a few hours as I help mum, go to the cemetery to sort dfs grave and do a few errands. Dds sometimes come along and get a donut as a treat.
Dds are 10 and 8.
Maybe shorten the amount you stay and take them to the park so your dh can have his quiet time.

Original poster

Snugglemonster84 · 15/02/2020 09:20

There is no Internet at my parents so they can't use phones/tablets there. There is at the i laws so the kids just do that whilst we are there chatting.

We never ever go out and do anything. Just always at their houses. My dad is very mean with money and refuses to pay entrance fees to attractions so will never come to the zoo or those type of places.
We will go to the park in the summer but that's it. They don't like doing kids things when out. They prefer to walk round towns and shops and would expect the kids to trial round after them.

My inlaws.... My mil is almost house bound. Never goes out so we have to see them there.

I am a sahm but kisds are in school so I have alone time every day. Hubby works long hours so has a Saturday afternoon to him self

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/02/2020 09:24

If your dad is mean, could you get him/the children membership for something next birthday/Christmas? I don’t have NT membership but my parents and my children do, and they make good use of it.

AmazingGreats · 15/02/2020 09:26

So the kids never just have a day at home to do what they want? Down time and rest are really important, and no matter how close you are to the person, if it's not your home it's not the same. We usually have one day of every weekend where the furthest we go is the local shop or park/woods (if that!) Its time for free play, and their choices of TV, baking and crafts, reading, board games, just decompressing. Couldn't you alternate weekends so one weekend Saturday with one set of grandparents and the following weekend Sunday with the other set?

totallyradllama · 15/02/2020 09:26

Tricky ages they get bored easily around 9-11

Are they into screens at home? What do they like to do? It's partly the winter weather.

Think need to find ways to be more active eg walks, swimming, baking
Or find something they can all get into eg lego and only do it there so it's a treat. Do your parents actually get down and play with them or just watch?

I don't know what to suggest for the in laws except combine that with a meal

AmazingGreats · 15/02/2020 09:27

Could you get the kids a data plan?

Toria70 · 15/02/2020 09:28

Start meeting your parents at a cafe or a park? That way you are breaking the routine.

And ditch the in laws, they don't sound interested in your DC at all. I think it's quite damaging to expose kids to that and I'd go once a month, making a big point of involving the kids in the conversation too!

HostaFireAndIce · 15/02/2020 09:33

My seven year old loves going to his grandparents', but he spends time there on his own. They play games with him, bake, do the gardening. He likes to help with the cleaning (!). He wouldn't be very impressed if we were all sitting around chatting taking his grandparents away from him though! The little one doesn't mind that so sometimes I take him round when the big one is at school.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2020 09:35

Think it might be time to start limiting the weekends you go with DC. You as adults could go separately to see respective parents (as you are a SAHM could you go during the week?).

It is important that DC learn that everything doesn’t revolve around them, but being dragged to GPs every weekend where there isn’t much for them to do seems very unfair. Maybe they could go once a month and not the same weekend.

Original poster

Snugglemonster84 · 15/02/2020 09:36

Thanks for your replies. Definitely time for a change! Will have a chat with my husband later and work something out. I don't want to offend my parents so will have to think about how to phrase it.
Its definitely easier in the summer! My parents have a long driveway so they kids are happy to race up and down on their bikes/scooters.

OP posts:

SisterAgatha · 15/02/2020 09:37

Make your phone a hotspot for them so they can tag on.

Or go every other week, we go weekly and I hate it, it’s too much.

ahenderson270 · 15/02/2020 09:37

As my three have gotten older and developed their own interests I've subtly without grandparents realising, switched it up - we go there once a month-ish and I actively and persistently encourage them to come see their children in their own home .. I'll offer to make Sunday dinner for example. That way the boys are in the comfort of their own home with all their stuff, bikes, hockey gear, tech and bedrooms/playroom to go to if they want space or the adults wanna 'chat'.

Also my kids are quite sporty and dona fair few activities such as swimming and skiing - family are encouraged to support them with that too .. so they're seeing them but in a situation that is predominantly about the children.

If they refuse I'm not shy about pointing out that I'm about doing what's best for the children and they can either chose to be on board or not but older, nearly pre-teen kids don't wanna sit and play snakes and ladders at nannies with a plate of custard creams anymore .. they're their own person now and comprise is needed xx

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