What do your kids to at their grandparents houses?

[Snugglemonster84]

Morning. My kids are 6 and 9. Boy and girl. They have an extremely close relationship with my parents. We see them every Saturday for a few hours. My parents house has always been filled with toys for them and my parents always play with the kids the whole time we are there. Card games, board games, toys etc. Will play outside during the summer too.
This past 12 months the kids have started to get bored there (my parents are in their 70s). Particularly my eldest. There is also no Internet there. They've started to say they don't want to go anymore. Aibu to feel sad about this? My parents live for my kids and I know it's natural as kids grow older, but I just feel sad for my mum and dad.

My in laws we see every Sunday. They are in their 60s. They expect the kids to sit quietly whilst the adults talk. My kids have always hated going there but of course we still do. The kids understand the grandparents want to see them and are well behaved.
Any advice on how to keep everyone happy? Should they come up to our house all the time instead? My husband enjoys his only few hours alone on a Saturday and he wouldn't like them up here every week as my dad is very interfering

Wow! Some of the comments on here! My children see their grandparents 3 days a week as I work 3 days & will be doing so until they leave school! All the generations before this one managed to survive without WiFi for a few hours! 🙈

The thing that stands out to me is that your parents make a big effort and engage with the children while they are there. That’s brilliant and at age 9 and 6 they are definitely young enough to still enjoy this, with a bit more variety of going out for a walk or something.
The ILs sound like my DM. Zero bloody effort to engage with the DC, so we don’t go. She often gets a bit drunk and starts conversations about paedophiles or something in front of the DC
In your situation I would be limiting the time at the in laws severely (they’re not interested so just see them for a brief lunch or something occasionally) and work on things with your parents, who do actually care about your children.
However, I would also schedule in some really child centric stuff for the kids eg go for a fun swim on a Saturday morn then off to DGc for lunch. Remember that in a few years your children won’t want to hang out with you at weekends, so capitalise now while they are still little!

Are the kids actually bored? Or is it actually that they just can't bear to be without the internet for a few hours? If the latter that's a terrible shame for kids so young. Have you thought about alternating, so that one weekend you go to them and the next they come to you?

If you're a SAHM, you have 5-6 hours each day when you could be popping around to see your parents or your ILs. That would mean that your DC wouldn't be forced to see them every weekend. I agree that it's great that your parents spend so much time playing with their grandchildren. My parents only see my DD a few times each year, but their games evenings are still the highlight of each visit, even though she is now 18. It's just one of the things they do together.

I think you need to have weekends that aren't so rigidly planned. My DDs do gymnastics most weekends and then they chill out. They play with their friends sometimes whilst other times we do things with them. Or they do things at home.

It appears to me that you're seeing both sets of grandparents every weekend because it's expected of you. You need to set some boundaries.

“ My children see their grandparents 3 days a week as I work 3 days & will be doing so until they leave school!”

That’s completely different, not a valid comparison at all.

We are close to my mum but that does sound excessive OP. I'd be doing every other weekend at the most, or if you're close enough can they have one after school? My DS is 7 and loves his alone time with her. Perhaps that would work better than you all being there so there being lots of grown up chat.

At 6 & 9 presumably not having the internet doesn't make much difference as they are hardly going to be on phones anyway but I guess maybe in a few years that will kick in so you can think about that when it arises.

My mum will happily put cartoons on or a DVD when it's cold weather so maybe that's an option until you can get outside. Mine and my siblings' kids love board games and card games so they mostly do that. They also love playing with the "younger" toys and being a bit silly.

Think I’d change it to once a month, I’d get bored doing exactly the same thing every weekend never mind the kids! You need the freedom to be spontaneous or to just kick back and do nothing. Aren’t you bored of it OP?! Your husband can join you on days out or not but at least the kids can stretch their bodies and minds

Grandparents providing childcare is a completely different scenario.

Voted YABU... Not because I think the current arrangement is fine and you shouldn’t bother with thinking about entertainment, but that you shouldn’t be beholden to your parents expectations and stifle your precious weekends with monotonous visits each and every day of every weekend.

They don't do much! DH parents are a fair bit older hasn't mine (80's) and they like to sit quite formally and chat. No TV on or anything.

My parents are mid 60's and a bit more child friendly, but we don't do much when we're there! They live in a big tourist area, but just seem happy to chat, eat etc.

Children are now pre/mid teens and find both boring . We get away with it with the IL's as they're happy for adult conversation- so often DH goes alone. My parents are trickier as they haven't really accepted that you have to move on with children. We used to see them every other weekend but now, particularly DS1, finds it frustrating giving up time to visit. Awful really, and I have tried to mix it up by suggesting we go for days out etc, but they have a thing about us visiting them!

My mums dgc were/are very lucky as she’s actually very IT savvy (was her job) and even though she’s in her 70’s now she’s had good internet for ages (she actually got internet before me and ex did!) and she happily plays video games with the dgc

But when they were ages yours are now there was also lots of other stuff she did with them:

Board games
Card games
Baking and cooking
Gardening
Playing water bombs etc
Watching films
Playing quizzes
Playing “parlour games” mainly charades.

But she’s quite a lively young at heart type.

My in-laws are older and mainly for health reasons aren’t as active.

But they would still do things like

Board games
Card games
Baking
Gardening
Reading together
Watching films

Your in-laws are being ridiculous and need to make more effort if they want a continuing good, healthy and involved relationship with their dgc.

All the grandparents here will happily involve the dgc in relatively “grown up” conversation and consider it educational. That children won’t learn about politics, history, current affairs, consumerism etc unless they’re involved in discussions at a level they can understand and engage with.

Also yes, not just seeing them at home but going places dependent on age and ability of participants from soft play to bowling, laser tag (mums a demon at this!), national trust type places, parks and beaches, museums and art galleries and science centre, live shows...

All sorts.

BUT I have to agree with several pps, this being obligatory activity EVERY WEEK is not on.

Especially teens and especially when they get to exam stage they NEED a day off sometimes!

And I would imagine you and dh do too!

Why don’t you do anything with the dc? Is money an issue? Are they not in any clubs/organisations?

At this age Dd was in brownies, dance classes, gymnastics class and a footie club.

Dns were in cubs, dance class, footie & rugby clubs etc.

Your mum being “lost” if they don’t visit is not their responsibility, the dgc don’t exist to entertain her.

Is she restricted in what she can do because of your dads attitude? Even if so that’s her problem not yours or dgc

How are you fitting all those visits in OP?

Surely your DC have extra-curriculars, parties, homework, playdates, shopping trips for clothes/ shoes etc that need to be fitted in at the weekends?

My 9yo DS is regularly at his sport 9am- 4pm both Saturday and Sunday. If not, he has a million other things to be doing including fitting in some time to faff about on his ipad.

Why is grandparents providing childcare any different? It’s still (more) time spent with them.

At my parents they usually watch tv or go on my parents laptop, youngest will sometimes bring toys. If left there dm usually gets them doing jobs or she takes them out on the bus.

At in laws eldest will usually sit on some kind of device phone/tablet/laptop and they even got him a second hand console but he's pre teen. Youngest plays, they have toys and fil plays loads with them and takes them out.

Both sets of grandparents treat the dc as centre of attention and chat to them a lot.

Threads like this make me realise I'm very lucky.

Also we don't visit every week, in laws will come to us and my parents are happy to see us whenever.

My eldest has started to say he's bored when he's at my parents house too. Theres always lego and art supplies there for him and puzzles and books. Grandparents have also now have a fire stick so they can sign into my Netflix to keep the kids entertained. I let the DC take their tablets with them, I know its probably better not to but it definitely makes life easier when DS1 starts complaining continuously that he's bored and wants to go home.