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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do your kids to at their grandparents houses?

117 replies

Snugglemonster84 · 15/02/2020 09:05

Morning. My kids are 6 and 9. Boy and girl. They have an extremely close relationship with my parents. We see them every Saturday for a few hours. My parents house has always been filled with toys for them and my parents always play with the kids the whole time we are there. Card games, board games, toys etc. Will play outside during the summer too.
This past 12 months the kids have started to get bored there (my parents are in their 70s). Particularly my eldest. There is also no Internet there. They've started to say they don't want to go anymore. Aibu to feel sad about this? My parents live for my kids and I know it's natural as kids grow older, but I just feel sad for my mum and dad.

My in laws we see every Sunday. They are in their 60s. They expect the kids to sit quietly whilst the adults talk. My kids have always hated going there but of course we still do. The kids understand the grandparents want to see them and are well behaved.
Any advice on how to keep everyone happy? Should they come up to our house all the time instead? My husband enjoys his only few hours alone on a Saturday and he wouldn't like them up here every week as my dad is very interfering

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 15/02/2020 09:39

When our older two were younger, we had toys at our house. Jigsaws, Scrabble, cars, skittles, books, raft stuff, play doh, toy garages etc.
Sometimes we’d go for a walk around the country park nearby.

Now they’re older, they have phones and tablets, but we also play board games and cards. If they stay for a while, we’ll go to the beach, play golf, climbing wall and trampolining. Less often though now, because of their weekend activities.

thebabessavedme · 15/02/2020 09:40

sorry OP but I think your parents sound boring, I am a grandparent and recognise that if I/we want to spend time with dgs as he gets older we will have to adapt what we do with him, your df may have to get over his mean streak a little and take the kids out if he really wants their company.

Cremebrule · 15/02/2020 09:40

My parents aren’t great with older children. I think lots of people have an age that they are good with. My are good with pre-schoolers but just can’t relate to teens and older children.

It does sound like a bit too much to be seeing both sets every weekend. You might be better trying to do a lunch for example rather than being there at different times. I would never make that sort of commitment as there are always parties, activities etc and it would seem like too much of a bind to commit to being at the grandparents for a large proportion of the weekend.

saraclara · 15/02/2020 09:40

Going to both every week seems excessive, unless it's just popping in for half an hour.

Do you not do things just as a family (you, DH and DC) ever? If you're kids don't have leisure time with you two alone, that seems really sad.

SuperFurryDoggy · 15/02/2020 09:42

My DC are 9 and 11.

One set of grandparents have a big garden with zip line, trampoline, lots of toys, gaming console etc. They are always happy to go. 9 year old is still happy to play with toys and 11 year old will sometimes play with Lego or play console games with GF. Grandparents are really hands on and will play with them, bake, ask to see what you tubers they are following, make tiktok videos with them etc.

Other grandparents are only a little older in years, but much much older in outlook IYSWIM. They have a small number of toddler type toys, but nothing that interests the DC. We bring board games, but they will only play a board game for 10 minutes and then expect the DC to take the game into another room and play quietly by themselves. We bring books, but they think that sitting reading whilst others in the same room are talking is rude, so that has to be done in another room too. We bring art materials, but they like the table kept clear ready to set up for dinner. Their preference is for the DC to sit quietly whilst the adults talk or play quietly out of sight and earshot. It is easier now the DC are a little older as we let them walk to the park by themselves.

Time4change2018 · 15/02/2020 09:43

Every other weekend might be enough until the weather picks up and you plan an activity / park & cafe run out the other weekend if it's so important your partner gets some down time at home. Or invite your parents over every other weekend and your partner uses that time to go to the gym / run / get out for a drink for couple of hours

Letseatgrandma · 15/02/2020 09:44

Your parents sound boring and your dad sounds tight! I would be making my kids do this every Saturday and every Sunday-it sounds like such a chore. Kids need downtime in their house at the weekends imo.

I’d nip in and see them after school one day during the week instead.

Wouldn’t want to be committed to doing this every single Saturday and Sunday.

ilovedjerrymore · 15/02/2020 09:46

Every weekend?! For hours at a time?!
No wonder the kids don’t want to go, personally feel this is too much time. It’s their weekend off after a busy week at school should be a bit more fun for them and for you - dragging miserable kids around with you every weekend doesn’t sound much for fun as parents who have also had busy weeks themselves with work. I would cut visits right down.
They are not kids for long op! Let them have fun!

totallyradllama · 15/02/2020 09:53

I really loved my grandmother because she played with me more than my parents ever did, I got loads of attention and she took me out places. If they want to be wanted they have to put a bit of effort in I think

Ponoka7 · 15/02/2020 09:55

You can play games offline. Could they take a bit of homework/reading to do while there? Would your Parents do a bit of cooking with them? Or crafts? Could you all watch something together?

Personally I think if you want your grandchildren to visit for a while, then you've got to accommodate them. Your Dad needs to understand that you've got to occasionally pay for things.

But they are doing you a favour because your DH is wanting the house to himself. If they were toddlers, I'd say fair enough, but not at their ages.

jasjas1973 · 15/02/2020 09:56

My Mum used to cook with my DD (ages 2 to 12) gardening, read stories, she'd often be there for many hours and DD never found it boring, they were v close and my mum never interfered, just let DD be herself.

Tablet or Phone? my Mum would have thrown them in the bin!

My in laws were perhaps more interfering and far more hands on, DD didn't like it there so much.

Original poster
Snugglemonster84 · 15/02/2020 09:57

I think a compromise would definately be going to theirs for tea one night after school.
Then to invite them to ours some weekends too. To break it up a bit. We've not been on a few occasions if we've been poorly or something and my mum's complained to me they she's felt absolutely lost and didn't know what to do with herself all day so it makes me feel guilty

OP posts:
KittenVsBox · 15/02/2020 10:00

Can you load up tgd tablet with stuff that doesn't need data?
My kids cook, garden, play inside, play outside, read, get read to, TV and tablet with my parents. TV and tablet and wander round the local shopping centre with the inlaws......

Wineiscooling · 15/02/2020 10:03

To go every weekend is a bit much! I take mine to my mum's for tea after school once a week and my husband does the same with his parents. Then I maybe go every other weekend for an hour or two with the kids. There's no way I'd give up every weekend both days seeing grandparents! I'd just start dropping a weekend every now and then, tell your parents you have things on. Or give them the option to meet you somewhere then it's their choice. If they don't want to pay money out with grandchildren it's their loss.

Missarad · 15/02/2020 10:03

Well my kids are 10 and 5. Oldest goes to inlaws and plays on roblox on ipad at their house lol - they buy her credits where as I dont lol. They get both kids every day from school for me so have 2 hrs per day so basically tea and play on iPads. However when they go for night etc they bake (5 yr old or youngest makes stuff) where as oldest just does gaming on roblox reading or the ever popular tiktok.

My mums I go every saturday without doubt. They have lunch watch tv and we go to Park to walk dog. May have sister in law kids come over as well. Few hours and were of. Today I'm seeing my dad prior to going to see mum and hes taking us to ..... KFC lol

Missarad · 15/02/2020 10:05

My kids are girls and also will happily sit listening to gossip eating custard creams lol

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2020 10:09

OP you and your DC are not responsible for your DM’s entertainment at the weekend.

I am assuming life for her with your DF might not be much fun if he is tight, but she needs to find other things to do.

Mummyshark2018 · 15/02/2020 10:09

Wherever I go (restaurant, bar, friends house, travelling etc) I ask my dc (8) to pack a bag of their things to entertain them- book, paper, markers, deck of cards, tablet (with some pre downloaded stuff from Netflix so no internet required), a few barbies or a small bag of Lego.

Nanna50 · 15/02/2020 10:14

Ah I love my DGC we have them stay over from them being babies, attend school plays, events etc when parents are at work. Take them on days out or away and we are all extremely close. That age where they say oh I’m bored or I want to play at home with my friends, visit less comes to us all and certainly younger than when I was a child. Sad

Why don’t you use your phone hot spot if you want them to access internet? We play board games, cards or they play with toys, we read, watch films, or go to the park etc, often just one DGC at a time. Sometimes though you have to ask the DGC what they want to do and sometimes accept they don’t want to come.

I had a close relationship with my grandparents and sometimes I was bored and grumpy cos I had to be there but I had to suck it up, especially at age 6 and 9. I don’t think I was allowed to opt out until I was a teenager.

ClappyFlappy · 15/02/2020 10:15

Why don’t they have any internet? Mine would be bored shitless if they couldn’t even faff around on their phones or tablets for a bit.

Onemorecrisp · 15/02/2020 10:15

Why would you go EVERY weekend on both days that is excessive and boring for the children.
Reduce the visits and tell the stingy ones to F off and go on day trips instead!
Invite them to your house instead if they want to see them.

Ydl22 · 15/02/2020 10:27

Why don’t you just take them out on your own then, without your parents or in-laws? If your dc are telling you they don’t want to go, it’s not fair to force them. They’re obviously getting bored and tbh I don’t think doing the same thing every single weekend is good for them. Change it up a bit. Say you’re going out and anyone who wants to tag along is welcome to. You don’t have to just go sit at your parents house every week.

Mulhollandmagoo · 15/02/2020 10:29

Every weekend? Do you and your husband and children not have days out together? Your children have parties they're invited to? Or friends they want to meet up with? It seems like you do this very much out of duty to both sets of parents, which whilst it's a lovely thought, your poor children are duty bound to school every day and then to grandparents house every weekend, where's the fun? Relaxation? Downtime?

Every weekend is an awful lot and probably why your kids are fed up, could you shimmy some things around, maybe if you do wish to still see each set of grandparents every weekend see them both on the same day? Then that frees up a weekend day for you all to do things you enjoy? Or just politely tell grandparents you can't make it this weekend as you're off to the beach/park/zoo whatever you've decided, and if they complain tell them they're more than welcome to join if they wish to spend the day with their grandchildren, you'll be leaving at a X time and it costs Y amount.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/02/2020 10:35

Going to both sets of parents every weekend is excessive and your eldest is going to rebel soon by the sound of it. My mother wanted us to visit regularly. But doesn’t like having the dog, never bothered to buy any toys or any baby / toddler paraphernalia so we had to lug the whole lot. My mother does play with dd though. It is too far to go regularly for the day btw. Especially with my poor health. My fil has zero idea how to interact with dd. So again, all on us.

Anyway that doesn’t help you. But puts into context what you do have, not don’t. Imo I would cut down on the visits, get larger data packs on your phones for wifi hot spot and take your mum sometimes out if your dad is a stingy arse. As for your in laws, I’d cut that right back.

Your 9 yo will soon grow up fast. My dd at 11 is unrecognisable from 9. Now is the time to be doing fun things that your 9 yo still appreciates and sodding everyone else. Your mum needs a hobby if she’s feeling lost.

katewhinesalot · 15/02/2020 10:36

You can get quite a lot of data on £7 plans. I'd do that but also shake the routine up a bit.
Our parents started coming to ours more as the kids got older.