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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend got a Valentine’s card that wasn’t from me

107 replies

Aibuto · 14/02/2020 17:58

Just as the title says.
My boyfriend got a card in the post this morning that wasn’t from me!
He thinks he knows who it’s from as he recognises the handwriting. He reckons an ex girlfriend of his who he split up with last January.
AIBU to message her to ask her what she’s playing at? She knows he’s with me now so why is she still bothering?

OP posts:
SallySun123 · 14/02/2020 18:46

It’ll be from his mum or his gran.

JellyNo15 · 14/02/2020 18:49

You should feel sorry for her. Either she still has feelings for him, but he is with you so bad luck to her or she is just trying to cause a rift in your relationship and it is working because you are upset. So long as he puts the card in the bin and does nothing else I would let it go for your own sake.

LolaMontezSoBeautiful · 14/02/2020 18:52

FGS it's a card. She's not knocking at the door trying to steal him. You're over reacting and you seem a bit controlling. He can't help she sent him a card. If it was her, she probably did it for a reaction.....and she got it didn't she. Why don't you try being a grown up and have a bit of a laugh about it and move on. I don't fancy your chances of a successful happy relationship if something as small as this has started you off.

Kirkman · 14/02/2020 18:53

Whats that got to do with anything? You loved in with him, to address she knows he is at.

Are you saying if you didnt live there it eoild be less of a problem?

And what if it isnt her? If my exhs new girlfriend text me accusing me of sending him valentine card, I would laugh and feel sorry for her. Then tell her to do one.

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/02/2020 18:55

Please don't contact her, basically you 'lose' to her if you do. Be the stronger person.

TidyDancer · 14/02/2020 19:02

This is actually nothing to do with you unless you suspect your boyfriend has feelings for his ex. In which case, your issue is with him, not her.

It's normal to some degree to be insecure in a very new relationship but you would be totally out of order to message the ex.

heath48 · 14/02/2020 19:04

Oh don’t be so childish!!! Are you spoiling the day because of this? Just let it go.

Original poster
Aibuto · 14/02/2020 19:05

Are you saying if you didnt live there it eoild be less of a problem?
Well yes because a couple who have moved in together are more established and committed than a couple who aren’t living together.

OP posts:
CalleighDoodle · 14/02/2020 19:07

Op this is only a problem if you dont trust him to go back to her. She sent a card to test the waters. Test his boundaries.

How long have you been together?

Kirkman · 14/02/2020 19:09

Actually lots of couple dont live together and are more established and more committed than couple who do.

You moved into where he lives, yet have been together less than/around a year. You dont own somewhere together. You could walk away tomorrow and it would be easy. You could move in with someone in their home, after 2 days. Doesnt mean anything.

That's not more established or committed than a couple who have been together years but wish to maintain seperate houses.

Sounds like this is more a territory thing for you.

redcarbluecar · 14/02/2020 19:10

Could he be enjoying the idea of making you a bit jealous?

Cohle · 14/02/2020 19:11

If you're secure in your relationship why does it matter that she still has feelings for him?

You can't control how she feels.

richele4 · 14/02/2020 19:13

YABU. He didn't send her one? How did he handle it? Maturely? Calm down OP you sound very insecure.

To be honest, if they only split one year ago and he's already moved in with someone else then I'm not surprised she may still have feelings. She obviously doesn't move on as quickly as he does

NameChangeNugget · 14/02/2020 19:14

You’re getting very excited over nothing

Purpletigers · 14/02/2020 19:15

She can send a card to whoever she wants . Living with someone isn’t the only sign of commitment. It doesn’t make your relationship more established than a couple who have been together for 4 years but live apart . He’s your boyfriend , not your possession. You sound very childish and you’ll drive him away if you start acting like a lunatic .

OscarWildesCat · 14/02/2020 19:17

Unless hes shagging her there isn't an issue here OP. Its a card!

Original poster
Aibuto · 14/02/2020 19:18

I don’t have an issue with the fact she has feelings for him, it’s the fact that she actually sent him a card knowing he’s with me now. Most people surely just keep their feelings to themselves when it’s not reciprocated? They don’t buy Valentine’s cards!

OP posts:
NemophilistRebel · 14/02/2020 19:20

Did he send it to himself to see if it would get a reaction from you?

WalkingDeadTrainee · 14/02/2020 19:21

Log it with 101!

saraclara · 14/02/2020 19:22

Well if it was from her, it's worked. She's got you all wound up and angry and anxious. She'll be loving it.
You sound incredibly possessive, and you'll look a complete idiot if you contact her.

But I'm with the people who think it's from his mum or Grandma.

DollyDaydream70 · 14/02/2020 19:25

I would silently seethe but laugh this off to be honest. You will make yourself look like a psycho if you msg her, and you don't know 100% it's from her do you? I bet he sent it to himself to make you jealous lol. Make sure you get a big bunch of red roses from an 'anonymous' admirer next year!

BrieAndChilli · 14/02/2020 19:26

People try it on with people in a relationship all the time, there are women that prey on married men and enjoy the chase of getting them away from thier partner.
There’s not a law that says you can’t send valentines cards to people in other relationships!
It’s not what I would do but maybe she thinks she needs to try one last time just in case? Doesn’t make it right but there’s no need to get so stroppy about it.

CakeandCustard28 · 14/02/2020 19:31

Grow up, stop being a Sméagol about it. He’s with you so what’s the issue? Not like he’ll go running off into the sunset with her.

Jellybeansincognito · 14/02/2020 19:33

If anything this would make me feel a bit smug.

Not angry.

Jellybeansincognito · 14/02/2020 19:34

Smug is the wrong word really, but yeah.

How awkward for her.