Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bf keeps promising things that dont happen. How would you approach this?

423 replies

NatureWalk · 14/02/2020 08:41

I have been with my bf for a while now, to the point where we are looking at moving in together. Our kids love each other and the relationship is wonderful. We both came out of abusive relationships, mine was more mental, his ex physically attacked him many times.
However he promises things that dont appear and it's really starting to get to me. My ex would promise me things as a form of control so I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive about this.
A couple of examples, his dp are planning their yearly family trip in march, his dp take him and his daughter away to a haven type place and he asked if I wanted to do with my kids. I said I'd love too but I cant afford a holiday this year, he said no problem he would pay the extra for a bigger caravan some could go. They are going in march and since the initial conversation it's not come up again.
It's also my middle sons birthday at the beginning of march I mentioned to bf I was upset that I couldnt afford a party he said dont worry he would transfer me the money soni could book something small. That was a couple of weeks ago and nothing. He stays at mine a few nights a week (he lives with his parents) and inhave to drive a 40 min round trip to get him as he doesnt drive, hes always promising petrol money and to do food shop etc to cover some of the cost but these things never come. He has paid for petrol a couple of times.

I'm not sure how to say to him to stop promising things if he cant deliver them. I dont want it to effect the relationship but i know if dont say something soon I'll snap and itll cause a massive argument.

OP posts:
cstaff · 14/02/2020 18:48

Or he has access to the money via his phone. Imagine!!

Drum2018 · 14/02/2020 18:49

@NatureWalk call a taxi now to collect him and his dd asap and his dad can pay for that as well as his stinking cancer sticks.

Poohpooh · 14/02/2020 18:50

@NatureWalk - OP you must know this is all bullshit and that he had money in his account all along, right?

cstaff · 14/02/2020 18:50

Does he actually think you are buying his shite story.

Drum2018 · 14/02/2020 18:50

@drum2018 I basically asked him that and he said he has his spare card on him that he doesnt usually use and has no money on

Just more bullshit to add to the other bullshit he has spewed tonight.

mummmy2017 · 14/02/2020 18:51

So did he buy you anything for today?

Thedeadwood · 14/02/2020 18:51

He has a spare card despite not having his wallet?! Then his dad can transfer enough for pizza and he can pay that way.

JKScot4 · 14/02/2020 18:53

Christ on a bike! So not only has he turned up to scrounge he’s got his DD with him for you to feed!!
When he gets back tell him he has to leave, phone a taxi, his dad, no way would I be spending an evening with this low life user.

Original poster
NatureWalk · 14/02/2020 18:54

@mummmy2017 he baked me some cupcakes that he iced with I Love You and wrote me a lovely letter about how he saw our future together and how happy I make him. I'd made him a couple of little homemade gifts too.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 14/02/2020 18:56

What is your plan OP?

Are you planning on breaking up with him this weekend or not?

I'm worried as really you don't seem sure from the outside, but obviously we don't know you.

bugbhaer · 14/02/2020 19:00

Are you planning on breaking up with him this weekend or not?

FFS.

OP this seems such a confusing and infuriating situation for you. I think I'd have a come to Jesus chat with him.

mummmy2017 · 14/02/2020 19:04

Sit him down and tell him that your hurt he never pays his way.
That you are struggling and in debt due to his broken promises.
Then just keep repeating in a similar way.
Remind him of his cakes and note.
Ask him what he is going to do to fix this.

Blanca87 · 14/02/2020 19:09

For godsake women give your head a wobble.

helberg · 14/02/2020 19:14

When he gets back tell him to leave. Cheeky cocklodging fuckwit.
His Dad can come and pick him up or he can get a taxi.

katewhinesalot · 14/02/2020 19:14

Be honest with how you feel and pull him up on it. If there is no honesty between you then it's no relationship. Communicate. He may not like what you say but you need to be able to say things. Any things.

DFAMA · 14/02/2020 19:16

RUN. I married an idiot like this and it gets much worse. I guarantee this is the tip of a huge iceberg, there will be debts you are not aware of and so many lies to come. Men like this are just looking for a replacement mummy and it can never be an equal partnership. Sorry to be blunt but I wish I could go back in time and shout this at my younger self! He will try to talk you round and make you feel guilty but this will only get worse

Iwannatellyouastory · 14/02/2020 19:17

Who else thinks his mum made the cupcakes? Talk is cheap OP but not as cheap as your bf it appears

Ellisandra · 14/02/2020 19:18

Bloody hell.
So you are paying (from money already spent on food at home) for him and his daughter to eat tonight, whilst he can’t buy the promised pizza “forgotten wallet” but can spend money his dad transferred to a card he doesn’t use...

Tell me - or rather, ask him... how do you forget your wallet, but magically have a card you don’t use? Where exactly was that card, if not in his wallet? fucking liar

Just another point... is he in the habit of spending his contact time with his child, in your company? Instead of entertaining her himself?

Poohpooh · 14/02/2020 19:22

*Who else thinks his mum made the cupcakes?

Me! And if he did make them how convenient he chose a cheap gift. (Don't get me wrong, I think homemade presents are fab, but in the context of him, it's typical).

Poohpooh · 14/02/2020 19:23

And OP, how often does he bring his dd around for you to feed?

BoredOfTheBoard · 14/02/2020 19:24

When he goes home why dont you have a think and count up how much you've spent on him since the start if the year and whether that would cover your outstanding bill and clear your overdraft.

I think hes a "luxury" you cant afford.

Original poster
NatureWalk · 14/02/2020 19:28

He has main custody of his daughter, her mum has her twice a week (sometimes not even that often). Weve only recently started spending time all together.

OP posts:
YasssKween · 14/02/2020 19:30

You've not answered anyone who has asked so I assume you're not going to end it this weekend.

Good luck, you'll need it.

Please put your kids first and stop spending money to sub this cock lodger when they are going without in things you would be able to give them otherwise.

GabriellaMontez · 14/02/2020 19:30

Disgusting, bullshittng cocklodger. He's taking you for an idiot. Dont drive him home. He can get 3 buses.

GabriellaMontez · 14/02/2020 19:32

Taxiing him around but cant afford a pizza for the kids on a friday night. That is the definition of putting him in front of your children.