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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let daughter do cheerleading?

464 replies

undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 13:41

Am I BU? She's 8, school have a cheerleading club once a week. ( they don't actually cheer a team, just learn routines) Some of the 'cool' girls do it, so now she wants to. I think it's pointless, sexist and outdated. And the 'cool' girls are also the not-very-nice ones in her year, who make fun of her for being in the football team.

She''s a VERY active kid, plays football and tennis competitively, swims, runs, plays basketball. All of which she loves so doesn't need the exercise.

She has tried various 'girls' activities over the years ( to try to keep in with the 'cool' girls) but gets bored of them quickly ( dance, gymnastics, musical theatre, ballet, netball).

I just think cheerleading is shite! And sends the wrong message to girls - don't cheer for the team be IN the bloody team.
And I sure a heck don't want her quitting something useful to try it for 2 months and get bored...

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Original poster
undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 14:28

She's tried about 4 dance activities - got bored. Gymnastics - bored. Netball - bored, prefers basketball. Street dance - bored.

I'm happy to admit my prejudice against cheerleading, that'a why I'm here!

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MsTSwift · 13/02/2020 14:28

Totally agree op. Also was abit tight lipped about this and steered my girls to hockey and netball respectively which they both enjoy and have played for years now

Pukkatea · 13/02/2020 14:29

Complaining about sexism in a sport and then putting down NFL cheerleaders in favour of more 'worthy' football players...OK...

FWIW I did cheerleading at school very briefly, it was set up by the 'cool' girls who wanted to be like the team in Bring it On, but as they weren't actually sporty they got bored after a few weeks and it fizzled out.

joffreyscoffees · 13/02/2020 14:29

If it's gymnastics based cheering, like the Netflix series then I would definitely let DD do it. I'd actively encourage it. There's a lot of misconceptions with cheerleading, it's really quite the discipline if done correctly - males are also part of the team too, I wouldn't say it was sexist.

I imagine that a school based one is more like a dance class rather than the above, but I'd still let her do it if she wanted to - if she doesn't like it she can just stop.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/02/2020 14:29

It's an after school club FFS not the NFL. If she wants to try it then let her. If it's anything like most schools it'll be over in a term and she can try her hand at whatever they come up with next. My DD played football for the boys team at primary (and talked the coach in to starting a girl's team in year 6) and now at 13 she plays for a girls' and a boys' team. But she also did netball, gymnastics and some random musical instrument I can't remember the name of just because her friends did those clubs.

I don't see the harm in them trying their hand at all sorts at that age!

Bakedbrie · 13/02/2020 14:29

If she tries it and it doesn’t work out.....what’s the big risk exactly?

Ellisandra · 13/02/2020 14:29

@undercoverfunster “dancey stuff”... I was thinking this but wasn’t going to post, as it’s a bit of a leap, but your dancey stuff comment has made me decide to just put it out there. I noticed that you say your daughter likes basketball, yet netball is on the list of dropped activities. Are you sure you’re not passing on a position that boy sports are good, girl sports are bad? Girl in the sense of the way you have used ‘girl’?

I know when my daughter was younger, I was definitely more enthusiastic about her playing football than I was her doing ballet - because I wanted to undermine sexism. I daresay it was quite subtle, but it was there. It came from a good place.

The phrase “dancey stuff” sounds quite dismissive. And you are very anti the cheer - which can be a great sport - even if this intro is routines and chants, not flyers and tumbles!

She has asked to do it. Let her do it. Honestly, if it was after school table tennis or hockey, would you worry it was maybe one thing too many? I suspect you’d just be proud she was full of energy and enthusiasm!

Based on the gymnastics and dance going by the wayside, I doubt she’ll keep this up. But it really isn’t a sexist sport, and there’s no harm in letting her try it out.

Original poster
undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 14:31

GreytExpectations - Don't feel sorry for her, I'm a half decent mum despite my lack of affinity for pompoms Grin

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ShinyGiratina · 13/02/2020 14:31

My experience of school based sports clubs/ activities is that they are a good, low-stakes introduction to them. If it's not for you, you're not letting a formal team down or wasting a lump sum of expensive subs and uniforms/ kit.

I leave the options open for my DCs. DS2 has gone for things like gymnastics and been interested in street dance (oversubscribed), so fairly "feminine" along side his team sports. My only veto is where timings are not compatible with existing commitments.

Feeling the need to fit in with more "girly" girls is more problematic. Schools can be quite socially restrictive and hard to "find your tribe" in. Cheerleading is not going to ingratiate her with the "in-crowd" but children learn from their own experiences rather than just being told.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/02/2020 14:32

It’ll just be dancing with pom-poms, a few handstands, cartwheels, stretchy movements and jumping around. Good for working in a team, coordination, fitness and elongating muscles.... Possibly her street cred or to help her set up boundaries. As you say, she will probably not like it and give up, whereas if you say no, she may pine over it. You know your dd, 4 times a week football is a lot but she may cope with it just fine. My dd at this age was also very active (She has far more energy than most children) and did something 6 days out of 7.

formerbabe · 13/02/2020 14:32

Also was abit tight lipped about this and steered my girls to hockey and netball respectively

Growing up I hated pe...netball was pretty shit and hockey was hell on earth for me. Some girls may enjoy other forms of physical fitness. I'd have preferred to have done dance or aerobics in pe instead of hockey and netball. That's not anti feminist...it was just my preference.

flower1994 · 13/02/2020 14:33

think you're being a bit harsh and controlling actually. dont be mean, let her have a go at cheerleading - I would be actively encouraging my child to try everything they had access to if they wanted to! also dont be too quick to knock pole dancing. just because you have a negative association doesnt make it so. I used to do pole dancing as a weekly exercise and there were all ages there. it's a fantastic way to keep fit and very enjoyable

Original poster
undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 14:34

Are you sure you’re not passing on a position that boy sports are good, girl sports are bad? Girl in the sense of the way you have used ‘girl'

The commas were for her perception... I play NETBALL. She likes to charge around and is very physical so standing still with a ball versus constantly moving around wasn't for her.

Her brother is a street dancer who hates any team sports, including football... so I don't think it is about 'boy' sport versus 'girl' sport because they don't actually exist.

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eurochick · 13/02/2020 14:34

I thought it was all looking pretty and waving pom-poms to support the boys until I watched Cheer on Netflix. It was genuinely eye-opening.

Original poster
undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 14:35

I love to dance by the way, but I'm like an unco-ordinated giraffe so no lesson were ever going to make me more graceful!!

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Chillicheese123 · 13/02/2020 14:36

Cheer is huge for boys in America and Canada and Australia

I think it’s your views that are outdated tbh

Rosebel · 13/02/2020 14:37

Let her do it.If she hates it she'll tell you but she might really love it. Either way does it matter that much.

grisen · 13/02/2020 14:37

OP I am glad you were not my mum.
At your daughter’s age I did ballet, modern dance, street, and musical theatre. On top of that I was in a swim team and football. — And at 13 I picked up pole fitness —

As a dancer what I wanted to do in the future at that age was NFL cheering or dancing at the moulin rouge. Because NFL and NBA cheer is dancing first and foremost.

Cheerleading (all stars) is a sport in its own right — and one I tried — it is mad difficult and sporty. In our team we had guys and girls and it has nothing to do with NBA cheering at all.

Enchiladas · 13/02/2020 14:37

I think to stop your active daughter doing something she will potentially enjoy just because you personally don't like it, is worse than the girl/boy sport stereotyping you're so against.

thehorseandhisboy · 13/02/2020 14:37

I feel exactly the same about cheer leading and actively discouraged my dd from doing it at this age, but she did do dance and gymnastics so may well have liked it which was my concern!

In your situation, I'd let her try it. She'll probably be good at it thus giving her some 'cool' points and also get bored quite quickly.

I did eventually let my dd try cheer leading when she was 12. She went to one class then decided that she didn't like it.

Original poster
undercoverfunster · 13/02/2020 14:38

If she tries it and it doesn’t work out.....what’s the big risk exactly?

We have to pay for it, she's doing it to try to please a bunch of not nice girls, she's doing a lot of physical activity already, we have to re-arrange schedules to accommodate it. = IS it worth it.

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scunner · 13/02/2020 14:38

I have nothing against cheer leading, but I think your daughter already does enough sports, especially if one or two are done competitively.
She is only eight and obviously copes well with all she does at the moment.

Sometimes it good to say you are actually doing enough and one afternoon/evening after school is for relaxing and being at home.

MsTSwift · 13/02/2020 14:38

Forcing a sport doesn’t work believe me I tried with bloody badminton. That’s “my” sport and coincidentally dhs too he played county level my father and grandfather both coaches. Made mine play for a year. Nope. No skill no interest lots of eye rolling. Gave up after that they choose their own sports. But I’m not supporting anything sexualised like cheer leading or pole dancing. So shoot me

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 13/02/2020 14:39

Just tell her to tell the 'popular' girls, it's alright, it's okay, they're gonna pump her gas some day!

LaurieMarlow · 13/02/2020 14:39

Are you sure you’re not passing on a position that boy sports are good, girl sports are bad?

Yes this.

I abhorred all team sports but I would have loved cheering. I enjoyed gym, but the team element here adds so much. Let her do it, she has nothing to lose.