Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

It sounds like your bil has told your dh what you said and your dh has taken the bus so bil can have his seat. I really hope this isn’t the case, as the non communication (talking between themselves about what you can do lift wise) would make me stop driving either of them to work ever again.

Oh I really hope BIL didnt arrive expecting a lift because now there is room.

Does not having to drop either of them off make a much easier journey for you? Is your work actually closer to home?

Well done for today op. What's your plan for tomorrow though?

If I want to go into the city (8 miles away) it costs me a fiver!

I didn't take DH not BIL to work today and this will be the arrangement going forward. I offered to still take BIL but go the less congested route for me and he walk the rest of the way to his work. He refused.

DH now won't speak to me and thinks I'm being awkward.

For background, BIL is older than us. He did do quite a few driving lessons but stopped as he couldn't be arsed doing his theory test.

I've told DH he can run around BIL as much as he wants if he gets his own car or if he doesn't want to learn to drive he can ask his mother to be a taxi service instead

Why doesn’t your DH drive?

Your DH is being such a selfish arse!

Is he usually like this?

How did the brother get to work? How did they both got to work before you came along?

Hold firm.

I am curious about the history and lead up to how this situation came about. this CFuckery of your not so dear H and Bil didn't happen out of the blue
☕🍰

Was it one of those where the moment you became a mum they designated you everyone's mum: DH, BIL, etc? Now you have to pick up after them, drive them places, make their dinner, book their dentist appointments, put yourself last, never complain?

They are both CF's OP.

Let them sulk.
You have enough to do.

I would take the head off anyone who volunteered me and my time to anyone else.
So generous of your husband. Not.

My DH of 20 years doesn't drive, he never expects me to give him lifts and very rarely asks - usually when the trains simply do not run early enough etc.

Recently it meant him walking 40min to catch a 5.30am train rather than me doing a 2hour trip leaving at 6am because he isn't a CF.

Good for you let them sulk!

Well done op.

Well played, OP. You gave BIL the best option you could without compromising yourself too much, which is absolutely fair. Fuck them both. How childish of your DH to be not speaking to you.

'Reply was he doesn't get paid until Friday so he can't.'
If he can't afford a bus fare in between paydays then he's either in a shockingly badly paid job or he needs to work on his budgeting skills.

It's your car, neither of them can drive, and you also have a child to sort out.

They can fall in with what suits you, or fuck off, frankly.

You're not a taxi.

I say this as having been a non-driver with a complicated childcare drop-off relying on DH who could drive to make it all work. My onward commute to work was a PITA but it was what worked for everyone to get where they needed to be with least stress.

Stand your ground woman!

Good on you!

Let him sulk. Hes doing this so you give in - dont or he has won.

What part of "it takes me longer to get to work and its making me late" doesn't he understand.

Hes the one who is being awkward and unreasonable, not you!

Your DH is sulking because you won't be his brother's servant? How old is he, 10?

I've told DH he can run around BIL as much as he wants if he gets his own car or if he doesn't want to learn to drive he can ask his mother to be a taxi service instead

I wonder how their mother feels about raising two sons into adulthood who are so dependent on someone else driving them to work. Is she proud?!

I would love to know more about the backstory here-I feel there is one! Are you the higher earner?

Not only is your BIL cheeky he is bone idle too. 15-20 minutes walk is nothing unusual. In my last job I lived just over a mile from work so walked there and back every day, it seemed daft not to.

Definitely hold your nerve here. If they want to have lifts they have them on your terms. If they don't like it they can learn to drive and run their own cars.

Tell them both to buy a bike, there are plenty of second hand ones online. It's sounds like a straight forward ride, straight down a road!

I don't usually suggest something like this but it sounds like it might be time to have a word with your MiL (if you get along with her) and let her know just how unreasonable her two sons are being.
Your DH because he is behaving like a stroppy child who isn't getting his way when he's told no to something and your BiL because he is lazy and won't walk the 10-15 minutes to work and is as a result making you late for your own job.

Maybe????

Then again, maybe not.

(this suggestion was thought up as I was remember when Penny in The Big Bang Theory would suggest to Sheldon that she could contact his mother about X, Y or Z)

Well done op.

Well done OP!

Can you not get your DH to drive and drop you off first?