Re dropping BIL off at work

[twelveminutespast]

Not sure if I'm being U here so I'm hoping for some opinions here.

Me and DH work on the same road. However it's a very long road and goes on for a few miles iyswim.

Before Christmas, BIL got a job on the same road, it's in the middle of mine and DH work place. DH one morning suddenly said to me BIL is going to get in with us, can you drop him off at work on the way.

I was miffed about this, as there are two ways to get to DH work. 1st way is very busy and have to go past numerous schools. I actively avoided going that way in the morning because it's an absolutely nightmare. However this is the only way we can go to get to BILs workplace. The other way we used to go took much less time, I could drop DH off and go back down the same route and still get to work on time.

I'm getting stressed every morning because the traffic is so horrendous going the first way in order to drop BIL off. He contributes nothing to petrol costs either. And I'm often late dropping my DS off at childcare before I start work.

I don't know how to approach this situation. aibu here?

Do you think DH is worried that, if you don't give BIL a lift, BIL will quit his job? It may explain why he has acted as he has if so.
That said, YANBU not to give BIL a lift, tomorrow or any other day. If you feel you have to, give him the choice of being dropped off at your work or DH's. A 20 minute walk is very, very doable.
And stick to your guns in the morning, and give neither of them a lift!

No DH thinks he’s doing BIL a favour - he doesn’t see that it’s OP doing the favour.

That’s the issue

Oh dear. You really do have a DH problem, don't you?

What happened today OP?

PeachesPlumsPears l too am dying to know but unfortunately l have just realised the 'today' referred to is the one we are in the wee small hours of.

How refreshing to read a CF thread where the OP isn't a total doormat. Good for you OP, dont let bil take the piss. As if he doesn't even say thank you or give petrol money. He sounds like a prick.

Both your dh and his brother are making their commute YOUR responsibility!....

Well done on giving it back to them!

Pack extra things in you don't need, just to prove a point. DH and BIL won't know you don't need them.

Stay strong and stand up to them both and relieve the stress from you. Don't back down the CF(ers)

Sorry I haven’t read every post here.

I’d be saying directly to BIL ‘It’s not working for us (you & the kids) any more. Can either drop you at xx or maybe you could buy a bike with all that money I’ve saved you?’.

twelveminutespast

DH can't drive so I'm responsible for getting everyone to where they need to be on time
No you are not. They are responsible for themselves. . You are getting everyone to where they need to be on time except yourself. One of my.pet hates is people who volunteer other people for extra work/inconvenience. Your DH/Bil are CFs.

@twelveminutespast Just been thinking, you need to nip this in the bud now. What is going to happen when your DS goes to school and not childcare? How is they going to fit into the plans? Once this starts even your DH may need to get a bus to work if he needs to be in before you would have to drop a child to school or to a childminder.

Present a fait accompli! Bright and breezy. “Work are beginning to get pissed off that I am always late. I can’t risk the sack so what’s going to happen from now on is that BIL will get dropped with you, DH, and walk the rest of the way.”

Beautiful. They’d both look unreasonable if they argued.

Can’t wait to see what happens.

So you have today sorted with your large box. Now buy this- www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0046UH3VO?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 Dress it up, stick it in BIL's seat, and you're sorted for next week. If your DH continues to be a whiny loser, get one for his seat too. Say they are better company, say thank you, don't whinge, don't make you late and give you taxi money.

DH got up early and got the bus, which means I won't be taking him or BIL today. Me and DS are having a relaxing lie in in bed seeing as we now have extra time this morning short journey for me today!

CFers the pair of them.

So he doesn't contribute AT ALL, he doesn't even say THANKS (basic manners!!!!), you're late for work... why would you do it?!

To the pp who suggested OP should leave earlier - you're hilarious!

YOU are not responsible for getting everyone to where they need to be. Your dh and BIL are proper grown up adult people. Your responsibility ends with getting your dc to childcare in an appropriate and timely manner.

Tell dh and BIL to get a bliddy tandem and keep each other company.

twelveminutespast result! Don’t let him turn this against you if he whinges how hard it was taking the bus, how he did it for one whole day and therefore is justified sponging lifts of you till the end of time etc etc...

I can’t abide people that think that their inability to drive means other people should chauffeur them around.

Glad your DH got the bus-what is his brother doing?

How old are they, just out of interest. I don’t know any working men (know loads of women, strangely?!) who don’t drive. I’m sure there are loads but, I just don’t know any of them!

The point about you getting everyone else to work on time except you is key here. They are expecting you to put them first and aren’t listening to you at all. I would feel really sad in your position-that’s not a relationship I would want to be in :(.

I've spoken to DH about it and he just doesn't understand where I'm coming from!

How on earth can he not understand “I am always late and work are getting pissed off”??

How much is the bus? £2? Your BIL seriously thinks you believe he can’t scrape together £2?? And have I got this right - you have said about him walking from your dh’s work and he has declined?! Cheeky bastard!

Hurrah