What would you think if you got an invite worded like this?

[TheLowry]

So this was for a 'big' night out - think annual event where we usually get together with the same group friends.

Hi. at our place if you fancy joining us? Would be lovely to have you but feel free to say no. X

They definitely want to murder you and serve you for dessert. Don’t go!!

My feeling is she wants to stop doing the same thing every year and that's why she's written the invite like that. She's probably too polite to just say directly that she doesn't want to do it anymore

This is what I suspected - they don't want to do it anymore and are trying to tap into any other feelings of apathy within the group. Maybe life is busy for them at the moment or it's not a great time of year now - I don't expect it's anything personal. It is a shame though.

Just respond

OMFG WTAF! R U tryna say U dont want me, wel U no wot FYN!!"

Then hop back and tell us the response

In all serious OP I read the message 3 times trying to spot the issue. Sounds like it was sent out quickly without much thought but if I got it I'd be really happy that I was thought about to be honest.

I think it is bad form for a written invitation. Perhaps OK if a verbal one in conversation. For written invite - you either invite people ''properly'' or not at all. People can decline a written invitation giving a reason (true or not)- it is not for the inviter to ''add on'' about them ''not coming'' in advance of the reply.

I would think yay! I’m not going

There is also the possibility that She (if it's the wife that normally sends them or vice versa) got someone else to send the texts out and that's why they sound different to how they normally do? Like a teenage child or the husband instead of the wife?

I'm going to have a cautious chat with the mutual close friends and see what's going on.

Or, you know, speak with the friends who have invited you!!

I would find it off-putting too - I have an invite like this and I don't know if her saying "don't worry if you can't make it" means she would prefer us not to come or not...

So weird based on your updates. I'd think she wants you to not come. Speak to her. This would puzzle me given the 10 year history.

@ZeroFucks

Wet lettuces

Unless you have form of going along every year but then sitting there with a face like a slapped arse when there I would think the invite was a bit odd too, almost like they don't want you there

Can completely see what you mean (and I thought that before the updates but I think it even more now)

It’s odd and off putting and sounds like a non invite iyswim.

She doesn’t want you and other couple to go this year for some reason.

Weird though as if you are such good friends and she’s just not keen on hosting for whatever reason she could have said oh god I’m shattered this year can someone else step up and that would be the end of it.

I’d ask her outright.

Maybe she was just having an off day when she texted?

So mutual friends have confirmed that the discussion was pretty much they don't want to do it but feel they have to. Hence the weird invite. So my spidey senses were right

I probably would call them out on it then, maybe ask why they're not up for it anymore? Is it that they just don't want to host or are they just not into being with the group anymore?

I wouldn’t bother going after that

Surely you’d either go to the Think Annual Event, or you wouldn’t, as the invite says.

We shall politely decline and make other plans. Can't really go now we know they don't want us there. They just want their close friends round, not the other two families.

I’d think, “this person must be on Mumsnet because this is the level of overthinking I regularly see”.

Not even joking!

I have read your update though. My opinion hasn’t changed

Why don’t you make plans with the other family instead?

I tend to put things like this on to encourage people to say no if they’re not coming as social media and texts has meant great people feel they don’t have to reply and then I never know how many people are coming!

I think your reading to much into it. Maybe it was written by someone else.
If your worried ask them.

The ‘mutual friends’ you disused this with...are they the ones that got the warm verbal invite? What do they think about it all? Are they going? Why didn’t they step in and agree to host the 4 families if the host doesn’t gaf?

You could call host and discuss.

Or just bin it off and do something with the other family that got the terse text.

I sent almost exactly the same message to a friend last week. I know she's crazy busy and has lots on so wanted her to know I'd not be offended if she just said 'nah' as I tend to get a massive eleborate excuse whey they can't make it. The same to another friend on a previous occasion who has a habit of pitching up to 'show her face' then leaving within 30 minutes because she's tired even though I've catered. The same to another friend who has a boyfriend with mental health issues who isn't fond of groups and usually says no but whom I'd love to see.

I might send a similar message just to show it will be 'informal' this time as people have got used to 3 course meals and this time I've planned a couple of pizzas and some kettle chips

I'll admit I've also sent this kind of message to friends I didn't actually have room for, hadn't contemplated when arranging it but then felt guilty/worried they'd feel left out if they found out they weren't invited and hope they take the easy out option!

So for me, this is a pretty standard message!

It’s a shame she wasn’t just honest with you. All this fake politeness is hard to deal with.

I think it can be interpreted in different ways really. Maybe she is fed up of the whole thing. Maybe she is feeling a bit insecure. Maybe the verbal couple have been stirring. I don't know if I am getting older or just if it is my anxiety but I can't stand this stuff anymore as it just makes me overthink. I would phone this person and just ask.

The fact the two of you who didn't get the verbal invitation got the same wording and the other person is closer to them, maybe she had already previously sounded out whether verbal invitation person would be coming.