What would you think if you got an invite worded like this?

[TheLowry]

So this was for a 'big' night out - think annual event where we usually get together with the same group friends.

Hi. at our place if you fancy joining us? Would be lovely to have you but feel free to say no. X

She's insecure, that's all. I'm another one who is always worried that people might not want to come when I invite them to something. So why my wording might be different, I pretty much always add a get out clause, even though I know it's pathetic of me.

You and the other friend who didn't get a verbal invitation, got the same message. So it's nothing personal. I'd not give it another thought.

@EssentialHummus haha, I thought the same.
Wording an invite to avoid being the subject of an AIBU thread but then ironically, here we are!!

I wonder if some of their friends had complained about feeling under pressure to attend, so they've bent over backwards to not seem that way? It is clumsily worded. I've experienced slightly the same, not socially but at work, with people emphasizing that I wasn't obliged to perform certain tasks and that they could find someone else if needed; and me interpreting this as that I wasn't considered competent enough or in a high enough position to be an obvious person to do these tasks and that they might even seek to get rid of me. But it turned out to be just an over-reaction to other people moaning about some of their duties (and me being paranoid!)

Ha ha @EssentialHummus that was my first thought on reading the OP

It's not so much the text itself but the change in tone from all previous invites. We would usually get something like 'Hi - it's our turn this year - so and so will be joining us too - how does a 7 start sound? Can you bring a pud?'

I'm going to have a cautious chat with the mutual close friends and see what's going on.

Well it's certainly awkwardly worded but it's hard to interpret why. They may be sat at home thinking you don't really like them and wouldn't want to come, they may have typed it out quickly without thinking, they may be trying to put you off coming. Without knowing them/you it's impossible to say.

I actually sent an invite out like this before because I knew everyone was very busy at that particular time and I didn't want them to feel pressured to attend....my friends ripped me to shreds and found it hilarious asking was I inviting them or not

Very funny looking back. But it was a genuine invite trying to make clear I knew they were busy and didn't want them to feel they had to come

Sorry , was this spoken to you or to a group of people
To be honest, either way I wouldnt read to much into it.

If they had worded it differently you would have had someone complaining they felt they had to go.

I pretty much always add a get out clause, even though I know it's pathetic of me
I'm in the club too. I also have no issue when people can't make it, No pressure.

Well as the only others who have received a written invite have received the same as you, I wouldn't take it personally.

Has something about the event or venue changed, e.g. they've moved somewhere further away, different people are coming?

I would only say that in one of those occasions, or if the friend had a history of being difficult! (although doesn't sound like you are)

If I were close I'd just say 'of course we will be there, why were you worried we'd say no??'

I wouldn't think anything about it.

I'd just turn up, or not.
Why all the angst over people who are your friends?

I'm going to have a cautious chat with the mutual close friends and see what's going on.

Or you could take them at their word, believe they have invited you because they want to see you, & are politely offering you an embarrassment-free option of declining if you are busy.

Radical, innit?

I really don't get why you are delving into other people's psychology like this. It's an annual get together. Your friends are hosting. They are happy to see you, & will understand if you can't make it.
If you can't bring yourself to take them at their word, maybe you are not such a good pal as they think you are. Stop doing it - you are tying yourself in knots & making yourself fretful over NOTHING.

It's the sort of invite I might send to a friend who had been under particular pressure for a while - eg family bereavement, sickness, etc. Just we'd like to see you but understand if you don't feel up to it.
Is this event some sort of memorial or something - their wedding anniversary, or anniversary of a death of someone you all knew? Maybe they are thinking that as the years pass people may not want to be as involved as previously.

I do not normally over think stuff, it's just how it is phrased is so odd. I'll update when I have spoken to the other friends.

I would think - they have sent it to a group of people by text, some of whom are not 'regular' attendees (although you are) and the wording is for the people who might not usually come. You've accidentally got this c+p, or whatever.

But you obviously have insider information on the sort of person the inviter is, so very hard to tell from the little info here.

I think they just want to make sure that they know and if you don't want to go could you let them know so they

1. Know for catering

2.Can invite someone else.

Maybe they have catered for a lot of people on a previous occasion and not many turned up leaving them with lots of food over. It is annoying if you have put a lot of work into it.

If I were you I'd text straight back something like "Already looking forward to it - date's been in the diary waiting for the invite ! Definitely not going to say no!"

I can kind of see both sides here. I think it is worded like she would maybe rather the group who got your version don’t come. Which is maybe rude, and you could all conspire to breezily go anyway and not take the hint...
However, I find myself on the other side of this, I do an ‘event’ every year, same date, for a particular anniversary. As the years have gone on it has been getting harder and harder to do it, everyone wants to come, more and more people have kids etc, they invite others and I have increasing stresses with my own family situation which mean it is getting less and less feasible. But every year the date comes around and I find myself doing it again, then saying to myself after that it would be the last time. In fact it’s coming up again and I really don’t know what to do...
So think, it is maybe time for a new tradition? It would be better for your friend to be upfront, obviously. How has she decided who gets which invite? How close a friend they are, or something else like whether they have kids or not?
I sympathise but as I say I can see both sides.

I hate to be this person, but some of you may not be aware.
'Invite' is a verb, 'invitation' is the correct word to use when you receive a request to attend an event.
I'm not trying to be a dick, it just makes me a bit tense seeing all the misuse!

I'll put my hard hat on.

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend

I think you'll find that ship has sailed.
dictionary.cambridge.org/pt/dicionario/ingles/invite

invite
noun [ C ] informal
UK /ˈɪn.vaɪt/ US /ˈɪn.vaɪt/

an invitation:
I didn't get an invite to their wedding.

I think she doesn't really want to host.

Maybe they think they are being woke and trying to be thoughtful.

A wife swap party?

Do they have low self esteem or feel a bit on the periphery of the group? Or did something happen last time they hosted? To me it sounds a bit more like they don’t think you’ll want to go to theirs