What would you think if you got an invite worded like this?

[TheLowry]

So this was for a 'big' night out - think annual event where we usually get together with the same group friends.

Hi. at our place if you fancy joining us? Would be lovely to have you but feel free to say no. X

It's the sort of thing I would write when I want to say "we'd love to see you, but understand if you don't fancy it for whatever reason".

Oh, I assumed everyone had received the same invite. That puts a different slant on it and I'd take it that they were hoping you would decline!

It isn’t a well-phrased invitation, but there could be a number of reasons for that e.g. anxious and/or inexperienced inviter or aiming for a casual, no-obligation invitation but slightly mis-judged it.

I would assume that whoever wrote it was overthinking things, and didn't want you to feel obligated to go! It's the kind of clumsy wording that I would use when I was trying to predict someone's reaction (and probably getting it wrong).

I tend to put something like this on invites to people where I know people are very busy and may not actually want to come, its more like giving them a get out of jail free card, rather than me not wanting them there, but then I would give the same message to everyone.

I usually say something like that if I think the person would want to.say no but would be worried about upsetting me or something?

I do this to people if I think they might be busy/want an out, or just if I'm feeling a bit anxious when I'm inviting. I can overthink!

It's nothing to do with not wanting them there. I'd either write a stronger message or not invite them if that was the case

If it’s an annual thing for the usual crowd it does sound a little less than welcoming.
Was it a “Dear TheLowry” Invite, or a more general sort of thing that others will also have received? If the former, I’d feel a little nudged out if I were you; if the latter, don’t worry about it.

I would wonder if they’d thought something had happened last time to make a disclaimer necessary.

Or is the writer depressed? Classic ‘if you’d rather not’ to cover anticipated rejection.

It reads like it was written by someone with anxiety.

Sorry, I see you’ve already answered that!

I'd think they had low confidence.

I’d take it that they are not going to change the date if it doesn’t suit someone. So come if it suits and if it doesn’t oh well.

I think it sounds like they are expecting you to not want to go, not that they don't want you there. I have phrased a similar message in the past that way to someone who I was drifting apart from and they had turned down a few things previously.

It's very out of character - invites are usually very straight forward things, with no one afraid to say no. We've known them for years and never had an invite like this before. I read it and thought 'ouch!'

It's awkwardly phrased. If it was from a friend is assume they are worried you would see the invitation as an inconvenience or were worried you wouldn't want to come, rather than assuming they didn't want me to come.

This is the type of thing I might write in an invite because I get immensely irritated by flakes and last minute time wasters so it would be my way of saying "just tell me now if your not coming, don't say you'll come then bail with a bull shot excuse at the last minute)

So it wouldn't at al be that I didn't want you there, I just want you to actually say no if you're not coming. It's amazing how many people seem to feel the need to say yes to everything then come up with an excuse not to later rather than just decline.

It is exactly the type of thing I would say in an invite, because I don't want people to think that they have to come, but I would love to see them if they were able to come. You would be my nightmare recipient, reading stuff into it that I really didn't mean!

I often say, for example "If you can't make it no worries" or "it would be lovely to see you but completely understand if you can't make it".

You would be my nightmare recipient

True in so many ways......

Surely if they didn't want to invite you they would just ......not invite you?

It’s reads as if they’re expecting to get rejected and are preempting that. There’s something going on, whether it’s to do with them or you is anyone’s guess. I would reply yes of course we’d love to come (and ask if everything is ok).

But there evidently was some intended message, ImportantWater, or all the invitations would have been worded the same?

Surely if they didn't want to invite you they would just ......not invite you?

You'd hope so, but because this is one of those long term things (an event we all takes turns hosting), not inviting one of the group would be difficult for any of us, not just them.

Well you say you "usually" get together with the same group of friends.

You also say that if you had another invitation , you would "probably" decline it.

There sounds like a back story here.