What would you think if you got an invite worded like this?

[TheLowry]

So this was for a 'big' night out - think annual event where we usually get together with the same group friends.

Hi. at our place if you fancy joining us? Would be lovely to have you but feel free to say no. X

You'd hope so, but because this is one of those long term things (an event we all takes turns hosting), not inviting one of the group would be difficult for any of us, not just them.

What did the other persons invite say, the one that had different wording to yours? have all 3 of you been comparing invites since you know what 2 others have said? and was it a text or something?

Is it usually held at a venue, and this couple have decided to hold it at their home instead this year? Presumably without running it by any of the usual crowd first.
Could it be a distance thing? Are you and the other couple further away (or do you have form for nicking the spoons? 😉)
Seems quite presumptuous of them to hijack the event and make arrangements they know won’t suit all of you.

What did the other invitees' email say? Did it miss off the 'feel free to say no'?

They cant leave you out as its something you've always done so they are hoping you take the hint and dont go.That's how I see it anyway .

Honestly - no back story I am aware of.
This event happens every year. We have spent it with the same families for maybe 10 years? A long time. Sometimes other families join us too, but it always the same core group.

My feeling is she wants to stop doing the same thing every year and that's why she's written the invite like that. She's probably too polite to just say directly that she doesn't want to do it anymore. Which is fine - just trying to understand if that's the case.

It sounds rather off-hand.

Yes, we need to know the wording of the invitation received by the other set of friends!

Do you often discuss the wording of invites with your other friends? It all seems so angsty and like you are looking for something, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't ask other friends how their invites were worded.

We take turns to host it in our homes, started when the kids were younger and we couldn't get babysitters.

Can you call for a chat and gauge how she feels?

One friend got the same invite - and thought it was odd too.
The other friend had a verbal invite - but they are very close to this couple - more like family than friends.

This sounds like something I'd say to not make someone feel pressured to come knowing how busy my friends are or how people stuggle to turn down invites, I think you're looking way too much into it as some hidden meaning. It just means we want you but won't be pissed off at you if you don't come.

Hmm maybe she is testing the waters for next year, she wants to gradually bow out.

Do you often discuss the wording of invites with your other friends?

Not - often no. Because we have a life. Honest. But this seemed such an odd way to invite us that two of us did discuss it. I haven't discussed it with their very close friends, but I know from conversation that they were with the other couple when the plans for the evening were agreed so I am assuming they would not have received a text invite too.

I agree it is badly written. I'm not sure what I'd do though?

I see where you are coming from but you probably are reading too much into it.
I have a habit of overthinking messages when I write them and they end up like this. It's probably the persons own insecurities ... maybe they think you might not want to go/or are worried that people in general won't want to go so are giving you the option rather than you having to find an excuse. Perhaps in the past there has been some bitching along the lines of 'oh god it's xxxx party thing again, what excuse can we use this time' so they are getting in there first?

I would write that thinking - sorry if this sounds a bit shit. Or poss if it was the only date I could offer and couldn't get into a discussion about other possible dates esp if a history of to-ing and fro-ing trying to get a group together. Def not a - fuck you, don't care if you can't make it.

I think it’s maybe to prempt people trying to change the date!

The people who got a different invite already know the date of the event?

It's the same date every year, so we all know when it is.

Is this host a little insecure and worrying that people will not really want to come to their hosting of your annual get together? As a result they've made it absolutely clear that people don't need to feel obligated if they don't want to come.

That would be my first assumption as its the sort of message I'd write when inviting someone to someone if I was worrying they might not want to come to my event - then I'd show my DH and he'd say that it looks you're trying to put them off... so I'd end up rewording! I always worry about sounding really demanding when inviting people and causing them to feel like they'll have to come so they don't disappoint.

Don't try & double guess, go if you want to, don't if you don't want to.
It is the kind of thing I would write - to basically say no big deal but would love to see you.

Go back & say you would be delighted to attend. Job done.

As both the written invitations included the 'feel free to say no' message, I'd interpret that as 'don't feel obliged to accept'. Maybe you're right and your friend no longer wants to continue the tradition - or maybe they find hosting a massive chore - I'd go and have a chat with them while I was there.

You're close longstanding friends? I'd give a quick ring to say thanks and accept and ask if everyone was ok as their text seemed a little off. Job done.

In summary, two written messages with the same wording. One verbal invitation, which might have been worded to have a similar meaning, but not explicitly the same.

Is it just the three families/couples?

Sorry, four families/couples.