To ask was it all worth it for DD 1 to attend a super selective grammar school when she is so down on herself because she won't be going to Oxbridge like her three best friends.e

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DD 1 YR 13 is hoping to get offers from Warwick , Bath or Surrey Universities. However, despite potentially having the choice of three great Uni's is feeling extremely low this evening, unbelievable i know but with three of her closet friends likely to get offers from Cambridge and Oxford is feeling 'stupid!

Do these extra selective girls schools create the idea for normally very bright girls that if you are not Oxford/Cambridge bound you are mediocre .
Out of sympathy DD 2 year 10 who is at the same Essex Grammar school as now informed me she intends leaving the school next year and will not go to University.

Warwick Bath and Surrey are lovely. Warwick in particular is a really nice place. Oxbridge is not the be all and end all

I think this is about her friendship group

I was disappointed not to go to Cambridge, but I absolutely loved the university I went to (it raises eyebrows to say it was your fallback option!) and within a few weeks there knew I wouldn't change it for the world. She'll get over it.

No, I doubt the school has said anything even remotely like that.

My sister got an offer from Oxbridge, she was over the moon when she didn't get the necessary grades. Instead she went to another RG university and loved it. This was at a top selective independent.

My sister would have got to exactly the same place she is now had she gone to Oxbridge. Your DD has three very commendable offers of which she should be pleased. Is Oxbridge even the best place for the course she wants to do?

Mediocrity is a bit more complicated than that. A lot of oxbridge folks are the very definition of mediocrity. However if she is quite academic it must sting to know that you aren’t that good at your ‘thing’. The real issue is schools that push academia at the cost of everything else. I’m sure that once she’s free from school she’ll have more opportunity to really discover what her real areas of interest.

My husband turned down Cambridge for Warwick - he has done very well in life, believe me. Your dd will do well to consider it!

The best "twist" in my path was not going to Oxbridge. I had an interview and test and was put in the "pool". I ended up going to Bath, and hand on heart after the initial upset it was such a relief. I still have a happy life but am not crushed by pressure and stress of top performing students :) sending hugs to your DD

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Is that how you talk to her or around her, OP? I never heard all this bonkers vocabulary about 'super selective' / mediocre / stupid, as a girl.

"Likely to get offers" ? Haven't the oxbridge offers come out already? Did they or didn't they?

DD would like to do Politics which looks very good at Warwick which requires AAA her predicted grades are A* AA so she is likely to achieve the grade requirements.

However, since being from about 12 she DDs three best friends and her were told by the school that Oxbridge was an achievable goal . The upset being caused in the end because DD did not even think she was even good enough to apply for either Oxford/Cambridge !

It's all a bit journalisty sounding. But hey, what do I know about anything these days.

What does she want to study? Surely its picking the best university for the subject she wants to study.

Oxbridge offers are out.

If they haven't got one yet, it ain't happening.

Did she apply?

Sorry but this all sounds a bit vague.

But Warwick is a good uni for politics according to this

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As a former student of just such a school, yes, that's exactly the attitude. It might not be overtly stated (at least not in front of parents), but anything "less than" Oxford or Cambridge is second-rate, and thus so are you as a student. I'm sorry your daughter's going through this; I remember how awful it was.

If she’s Yr13 her friends will already know whether they have Oxbridge offers won’t they? Did she actually apply?
If she’s good enough for the unis you list she must also be good enough to have a shot at Oxbridge if it means that much to her?
She can always apply after A levels.

There are lots of advantages to going elsewhere, but she should aim for whatever will make her happy and gave no regrets.

And ignore what the teachers say ;) they often fail to identify the successful candidates.
If she’s at a super selective she is almost certainly bright enough to put it down as one of her choices if it’s what she really wants.

Yes my DD has told me 2 of the three girls have been offered Cambridge with one of the girls being possibly accepted in the 'summer pool' of undergraduates after exam results.

It’s hardly the be all and end all of life to go to Oxbridge.

Whether or not it was 'all worth it' depends on what she has got out of attending the school.

If she's enjoyed it (in the main) and it has set her up well for adult life, then it's been worth it.

If she's felt pressured and 'not quite good enough' the whole way through and it's affected her confidence and personal growth, then no, it wasn't worth it.

Either way, you can't change it now.

It's all a bit journalisty sounding. But hey, what do I know about anything these days.

Agreed.

Well my sister was pretty much told that she wasn't good enough for Oxbridge (hence the attempt to prove them wrong)

It is ridiculous that the pressure was being applied at 12, though obviously the school (like many others) is only interested in the numbers sent to Oxbridge. My almost 14 year old is just thinking about options, not getting pressure to get into the right university.

Is she more upset that shes potentially not going to the same uni as her friends or would she have her heart set on Oxbridge regardless of where her friends were going?