To ask was it all worth it for DD 1 to attend a super selective grammar school when she is so down on herself because she won't be going to Oxbridge like her three best friends.e

[mainstreet]

DD 1 YR 13 is hoping to get offers from Warwick , Bath or Surrey Universities. However, despite potentially having the choice of three great Uni's is feeling extremely low this evening, unbelievable i know but with three of her closet friends likely to get offers from Cambridge and Oxford is feeling 'stupid!

Do these extra selective girls schools create the idea for normally very bright girls that if you are not Oxford/Cambridge bound you are mediocre .
Out of sympathy DD 2 year 10 who is at the same Essex Grammar school as now informed me she intends leaving the school next year and will not go to University.

This is what happens when everyone focuses on exam results as an indicator of self worth.

Families with these competitive values pick schools with these competitive values and then wonder why the kids can't cope unless they are top.

Poor girl.

The bar for getting into any school is vastly lower than for getting into oxbridge - even at Westminster or Brampton Manor or whatever most kids don't go to Oxbridge.

Has she got no offers yet ???

Just be happy you live in an area with grammar schools where your DDs still got the opportunity for a better education than the majority of kids in the U.K. who live in counties that do not have any grammar schools.

It’s not like you had to pay tuition fees to get the superior education.

But did your DD actually apply?

Is it CCHS? If so it hasn't changed in 20 years...I was made to feel very stupid for not going to Oxbridge.
I suffered undiagnosed BPD, bipolar, was seriously self-harming and the school condemned me for wanting to do my choice of degree that was limited to 5 unis in the country.
It took 10 years and an amazing husband to finally convince me I am anything but stupid.
I now teach, bloody well I might add, and all of my students are made to feel that they should do the best for them.
Your daughter is fabulous. She will achieve what she wants to achieve because you will support and love her. Just be there and remind her of this. Good luck to both of you xx

Warwick, Keele have offered waiting on others !

I know of people who went to Oxbridge, got fabulous degrees, and are now working in medium paid jobs, one of whom hates their job and are looking to do something totally different. They had to take everything out of their residences each term, couldn't stay in their bedrooms as they were used during vacations.

Others went to mediocre universities , they worked, so didn't have huge debts, could stay in their accommodation and had a ball, not getting the best degrees. These people are now earning fortunes in their chosen industries.

The thing to remember is that so long as she's happy doing the course she wants and goes with the idea that she's to enjoy herself as well, I'm sure she'll do absolutely fine.

If not, it's not the end of the world. Honestly.

Did she apply to Oxford or Cambridge though, OP?

She's massively privileged. Might be a good idea for her to remember that.

Honestly, there's nothing wrong with a bit of disappointment in life. We all get it. The key thing is resilience.

I don't know people who go to Oxbridge.

Also, I really hope you aren't indulging your second daughter's dramatics.

My colleague’s daughter chose Sheffield over Oxbridge for politics.

I have one friend who studied at Campbridge and I think her feeling of entitlement because she is a Cambridge graduate puts me off to ever encourage my DD to think a out applying.

And remember -- the excellent education your daughter has received has helped her get into good unis. Many people her age who are just as clever will not have the same opportunity. She is fortunate to have had every opportunity extended to her- and IMHO she should remember that, not get hung up on the fact that there are cleverer people in the world (or even in her own friendship group).

The question is about whether a grammar is worth it. The answer must be no. Grammars disadvantage the majority. That’s a high price for individual success - or lack of success if that is judged purely on Oxbridge places. One of the more comprehensive schools get better Oxbridge rates and is included with the other top seven feeder schools. Peter Symonds that beats all the grammars.
Eight schools dominate Oxbridge places and Peter Symonds is the only state school on the list. A grammar is not an easy route into Oxbridge.

Worth it suggests effort. Grammar entry is an assessment at eleven. No other effort required. So is it worth it isn’t a genuine question, is it?

I'm not sure I understand - if she didn't apply to Oxbridge how can she be upset she hasn't got an offer from Oxbridge? Or am I missing something?

And not all superselectives care about Oxbridge although they are obviously academic schools.
One SS I know never mentions how many of its students get Oxbridge offers or places in its news or on its website but does celebrate other stuff eg students doing well in competitions, sport, music, drama, art stuff, It generally has 10-15% of students going to Oxbridge most years.

If the Essex SS is too intense encourage your DD2 to go a school that values other forms of success for sixth form . And maybe encourage your DD1 to work hard then take a gap year to experience life beyond school (and if she gets good A level grades she can always apply next year).

Yes CCHS . I actually feel sorry for DD 2 year 10 who worked harder than no 1 to get into the bloody school she just now wants to go to Moulsham High school for Sixth Form.

She would not have had to go through all the CEM 11+ nonsense and yes call me out for hours and hours of tutoring to get the best education possible.

To the poster up-thread i know how lucky we are to have the option of grammar schools . I just wish they were normal ones like the one i went to in Kent in the late 80's where 5/6 GCSE grade B's were the norm!

I find this thread a bit confusing. At the start of the thread the OP's daughter was hoping for an offer from Warwick and her friends were hoping for Oxbridge offers (which came out nearly four weeks ago). Half an hour later the OP's daughter has an offer from Warwick (which is great - congratulations!) and two of the friends have offers from Cambridge. If I check again tomorrow, maybe they will have started university?

The friend who has not received an offer will not be eligible for the summer pool. The summer pool is for those who receive an offer but narrowly miss the grades.

02Deadheadstickeronacadillac I was going to ask the same! That's what it was like in the 80s when I was there.
As it happens I did get into Oxbridge but I certainly haven't had a glittering career since and when I look at my many old schoolfriends on Facebook there isn't much of a correlation between Oxbridge and future success - some of them have in fact had some really cool careers but it's not disproportionately the Oxbridge ones.
And my brother who went to Manchester had a much happier university experience - Oxbridge was stressful and the workload didn't leave much time for fun.

Oxbridge doesn't have the friendly feel of some of the other universities. I turned down Durham to go to a lower placed university that I loved.

Sounds like she had the predicted grades for Oxbridge and didn’t apply. Oh well.

@ironoaks Cambridge now has its own form of adjustment which works a bit like a summer pool but for those who narrowly missed getting an offer but are ‘widening participation’ type candidates.
So if her friend is WP and attains Cambridge level grades she may be offered a place in August by a college whose offered may have missed their grades.
Cambridge write to eligible candidates to explain the system.

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel & OP
Hugs and
Whilst I truly value what I got from the school (Pamela Greenwood and Chamber Choir a particular highlight), the way I teach now is to encourage the students in a major reverse to my own experience.