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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

First Child - Returning to Work Quickly

169 replies

SJDiggle · 10/02/2020 11:56

Hi all,

Long time lurker - first time post. Just looking for some (hopefully!) neutral opinions/advice. My DH and I are at a point where we are thinking about children but we are trying to be sensible and consider finances etc.

Realistically we could probably only financially afford for me to take 6 weeks maternity leave (before my policy drops to 50% pay).

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

We won't have help from family - My mother works and the in-laws are 3 hours away and no grandparents either.

Happy to hear all opinions and thoughts!

OP posts:

fedupandlookingforchange · 11/02/2020 12:45

It took me 9 months to recover, although as I'm self employed I did work my 10 KIT days. The first was 2 weeks after birth it was one day and enjoyable but exhausting and it thankfully didn't require my brain!
I'm still not back doing what I did pre baby as I couldn't, I've changed the business a bit to fit my new life.

You should save like mad before ttc. As others have said you will save on commuting costs, tax, get child benefit and smp. You can look for baby things second hand, buy supermarket clothes for the baby, fill your freezer with meals before baby to save money as well. If you've got a lot of outgoings it may be worth looking at what essential.

dairyfairies · 11/02/2020 13:29

I have a child with complex needs (dx postnatally) and had to give up work.

If you cannot afford mat leave on 50%, then you cannot afford a child. sorry.

Incontinencesucks · 11/02/2020 14:12

No it cant work. You can't wfh and look after a baby. It's not fair on them, you or your employer. No one gets your best.

6 weeks is very young and you may find a lot of childcare providers refuse. After the 3rd jab set is the general attitude of childminders, nanny and nurseries here.

You also have no idea if you or baby will be well enough either.

If your wage is better, can you do shared leave with your dh?

shreddednips · 11/02/2020 16:28

I did something similar but nowhere near as early as 6 weeks. I started working again when DS was 6 months. I'm a freelancer and I had it in my head that I would be able to work while baby napped/in the evenings etc. It was truly horrendous and I really don't advise it. I survived, but to the significant detriment of my physical and mental health. I was just so exhausted and never had a moment to do anything other than care for DS or work. I now use a childminder 3 days a week which works well.

I'm not sure a CM would take a baby that young? In which case you'd need a nanny which is expensive. I really wouldn't consider trying to work with a baby in tow. It's one of the only things I truly regret.

ChanklyBore · 11/02/2020 16:28

Are the people saying it is impossible not seeing the posts from people who did it?

I’m not saying it’s a god idea. But having gone back at 5 weeks and 4 weeks with two of my babies I can assure you it’s entirely possible. The first time I HAD to, there was zero option, the second time I chose to, because I had a baby in the summer between my second and third year of university and I wasn’t willing to defer, so I did my third year when my baby was 1-11 months old.

It’s important to spend time with your babies and you don’t get the time back. But saying you can’t possibly because your brain changes isn’t entirely accurate, and does feel like a bit of a dig at people who do go back early. Every family and baby combination is different and it’s OK to acknowledge that.

shreddednips · 11/02/2020 16:32

I think it's probably manageable with good childcare. What I don't think is a good idea is trying to work from home with a baby to look after at the same time. I did it, it was manageable in that we all survived and I had little choice at the time, but for me personally it was miserable.

Incontinencesucks · 11/02/2020 16:55

@ChanklyBore very true that biologically it is possible, loads of US mums do it so i don't buy the brain thing either. For some leaving their newborn feels impossible (i have one feeding off me now and it does for me, but I'm lucky to stay at home) but it is possible if no choice.

The OPs idea is impossible though if she's expecting to wfh and care for her newborn. No employer would go for that and OP would stretch themselves thin giving far less the best work.

InDubiousBattle · 11/02/2020 17:31

Chankly did you take your baby into uni? I don't think anyone has done it without using some childcare or being self employed. It looked from the op that she is proposing to wfh, for an employer whilst taking care of her baby??

speakout · 11/02/2020 17:35

I had planned to return at 6 weeks with my first child.

Twenty two years later I still didn't get back to my job!

FaFoutis · 11/02/2020 18:40

Of course it is possible to wfh and look after a baby. I did it (three times) and so did other people on this thread and a few women I know in real life. Also women in the past would have done this.
It's possible, just not pleasant or advisable.

BikeRunSki · 11/02/2020 18:48

I’d be amazed if your employer allows it. Our WFH policy starts with “Working from home is not a substitute for childcare”.

LizB62A · 11/02/2020 19:00

I had my son when my best friend had just had her third child.
I told her I planned to work at home for a couple of days a week to save on childcare.
She just smiled and nodded.

Once my son arrived, I asked her why she hadn't told me it would be impossible to work with a newborn there too (especially as I had to have a c-section) and she said there was no point, I wouldn't have believed her.

I'd love to know what jobs people do where they could work from home and manage a demanding baby

Huntlybyelection · 11/02/2020 19:29

If you are an employee, it's is highly likely your employer has a policy prohibiting you from working from home whilst looking after a baby. There are exceptions for emergency childcare but for limited periods of time (I've seen anything from 1 day to 5 days) to help you sort out proper care. You cannot expect to be employed to work and look after your baby on the same days.

And if you try to do it and are found out to only have childcare for 2 days per week and employed for 5 days then I'd worry about the repercussions.

Physically - it's possible. I was still bleeding from lochia at 6wks after both births I've had. I was tired from lack of sleep and felt like I was only just getting to grips with the new life at that point.

Incontinencesucks · 11/02/2020 20:21

The only people I've ever seen wfh work for with childcare are either self employed or freelance, or working with friends and family. The majority of employers would baulk at the idea as your attention is divided and you can't commit to set ours eng 9-5 diligent working as the baby will need looking after.

hydeandrun · 11/02/2020 20:50

If you are an employee, it's is highly likely your employer has a policy prohibiting you from working from home whilst looking after a baby

^ This!!!

I think OP is confused about the meaning of working from home!

BikeRunSki · 11/02/2020 22:50

I think OP is confused about the meaning of working from home!

Or what looking after a baby entails

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2020 22:58

It's all fine til the sonographer announces there's two in there....

I have twins, no family history, no intervention with conception. I can barely pee during the day without being screamed at, no chance in hell I'd be able to focus to work.

FaFoutis · 11/02/2020 23:06

My employer couldn't care less as long as the work gets done. I set my own hours, that helped a lot when my children were babies.

SidneyPrescott · 11/02/2020 23:15

I went back full time after 12 weeks. I would not recommend. It's gut-wrenching to be away from your baby so soon. I'd never do it again. You don't get that chance again.

Having said that, I did it. He's almost four now and we have the best bond.

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