First Child - Returning to Work Quickly

[SJDiggle]

Hi all,

Long time lurker - first time post. Just looking for some (hopefully!) neutral opinions/advice. My DH and I are at a point where we are thinking about children but we are trying to be sensible and consider finances etc.

Realistically we could probably only financially afford for me to take 6 weeks maternity leave (before my policy drops to 50% pay).

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

We won't have help from family - My mother works and the in-laws are 3 hours away and no grandparents either.

Happy to hear all opinions and thoughts!

I would've thought full time childcare would cost about 50% or a full time wage. So could be better to take full leave on 50%pay and enjoy bonding with baby? Unless I'm misunderstanding something here

Sorry that's *50% of a full time wage

save up now.

take off the 9 months and embrace it.

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

Are you proposing to have the baby at home with you 3 days a week while you continue with your day job?! I think that is an unrealistic plan (and more than likely prohibited by your contract). My baby cried pretty much non-stop for the first 12 weeks. He breastfed for about 30-40 minutes of every 3 hours and rarely slept for more than a hour at a time. No way I could've got any work done at home with my baby there at 6 weeks, and I probably wouldn't have been that productive going into the office either!

Also, as some PPs have pointed out, God forbid, there are complications and you/your baby need extended hospital care, your maternity leave might be spent before you get any time together.

Yes, early delivery isn't astoundingly rare, two women in my antenatal classes (12 women) had premature babies. One predictable due to spotting issues at scans, the other woman's baby was born at 27 weeks and a few days, in NICU then for weeks obviously.

In your scenario you wouldn't even have had the baby discharged from hospital (which is where my own real problems began health wise!) Before you've used up your 6 weeks maternity leave.

Can I ask why it would be a struggle?
Speak to some mums, spend time with parents and their babies. Heck, even just listen to what people are telling you on here.

Your baby might not nap- mine doesn't except for the odd catnap on me after a feed. I can't pass her to her dad or she'll wake up.

Your brain changes after birth to make you focus on the baby. If my husband were here looking after her while I was working, as seems to be what you propose, I wouldn't be able to concentrate a jot whenever she cried. Which is a lot. I find it hard enough to have any kind of conversation of meaning/length when she is around as my brain immediately jumps to her - is she ok, what was that noise she just made, is she about to cry etc etc.

Mine is a few months old and some days I can barely string a sentence together, the thought of working is laughable. And I don't think I'll even want to go back after a year let alone a few weeks.

Your baby may have feeding issues if so you would need to be feeding & pumping around the clock.

You may struggle not being connected to other new mums - new mum friends I've made are an absolute godsend, it is so helpful to see them regularly (which of course we do during working hours) and the same for baby groups.

Basically it seems that you can't afford a baby at the moment - save up until you can.

Have you seen how expensive childcare is?
Good luck with functioning on very little sleep. Will you have night nurse too or will your dp do all the night feeds? I think you should save up for 9 to 12 months up.

You won’t be able to work and look after the baby. Workplaces don’t allow that for a reason.

Six weeks will be doable barring the unforeseen. Every last person on this thread who said they ‘couldn’t’ have done it both could and would if the roof over their baby’s head depended on it.

The poster who shared the ‘unpopular’ or more accurately downright stupid view that there’s no ‘point’ having a baby and going back to work must have a very low opinion of most new fathers, including presumably her own husband.

OP you need to rethink your sums a bit - I don't think you can afford the childcare you would need. It's also really not common to find child care that will take a baby that young.

Also, we have evolved to have a deep bond with our babies and you may find it horrific to leave such a small baby. Your brain gets rewired during pregnancy and labour, permanently, to put your child's needs first. It's quite hard to override.

Your brain gets rewired during pregnancy and labour, permanently, to put your child's needs first. It's quite hard to override.

Really? I’m 28 weeks pregnant and my brain feels exactly the same as before

Maternity leave is the cheap part of having a child. If you can't afford maternity leave you can't afford a child, sorry.
As others have said, you simply cannot work whilst looking after a baby, that is not what 'working from home' means.

I think the key point here is that the OP is at the planning stage. If she were already pregnant and was saying she could only take 6 weeks then whilst it's not ideal I would say it's doable if needs must. It wouldn't be what I would PLAN though.

Your brain gets rewired during pregnancy and labour, permanently, to put your child's needs first. It's quite hard to override

Wow shame for all the parents who have adopted instead of giving birth. They miss out on that urge to put their child first

Also, we have evolved to have a deep bond with our babies and you may find it horrific to leave such a small baby. Your brain gets rewired during pregnancy and labour, permanently, to put your child's needs first. It's quite hard to override.

Wonder what happened to all those women who have their children taken into care?

I doubt any responsible employer would let you work from home several days a week without childcare in place - esp a baby. if you return to work, you need to sort childcare for all days you are working.

You find it hard to get a childminder who is willing to look after a 6 week old. Most only take them from 3-4 months onward.

childcare will cost a bombe esp if you are going for a nanny. unless you are in a sky high pay, you would probably be much better off staying on mat leave esp as you get a very good package (most get only SMP which is usually far less than half the earnings).

Children cost money. a lot. if you are unable to take more than 6 weeks mat leave despite a good package, I would do the math to see if you can afford them at all as childcare can be just as much or even more than a salary.

You can’t return to work after six weeks or work from home on your own with a tiny baby. I am trying to study at the moment with a four month old- impossible. Start saving!

Op...i went back at two weeks for one day with pils looking after dd as i am self employed and needed to keep my job going. It was just one day but it was hell. I was very upset but we needed the money, dd was safe. If i had the choice no way would i go back to work until baby is at school. I was lucky i had a straight forward birth but if you had a c section or complicated birth your body needs time to recover to say nothing of the emotions of having to leave your baby. You can not work at home with a baby whos more than a newborn and no way with a toddler

Op I know this has already been said by most people on here, but you absolutely won't be able to wfh and look after a baby at the same time!

@NeurotrashWarrior, how can that be right? That's five hours per day on average. Surely most babies don't feed for that long after the newborn stage? My 3 week old feeds for cumulatively 2.5 hours per day. My toddler dropped to about 50 minutes per day by 3/4 months.

That's me going off on a tangent, but OP the other posters are right. Physically I could have gone back after 6 weeks with both births but babies are so expensive that if you can't afford any drop in income at all then it would be such a struggle to have a baby. Breastfeeding would be pretty much impossible to maintain if you went back at 6 weeks without spending on a decent pump and pumping a lot.

Save so that you can enjoy it IMO. Pregnancy is really hard for a start so returning to work so soon would be very hard on you. And there's no way an employer will accept you wfh with a newborn. I saved for a year to have dc1. Only way I could survive. I'm now at home with dc2, having done the same again, saving like mad whilst pregnant because I have childcare costs too. My dc2 is 4 weeks old, and I have had a c section...not a chance i could go back to work at 6 weeks as things are even if I wanted to. It's a miracle I get dressed some days.

I went back to work 3 weeks after giving birth. If it is an office job, it is ok. Working from home with a very small baby is ok, but becomes impossible by the time they are 4 or 5 months.

Well - feeding every three hours, half an hour per feed would be four hours. So could certainly be true at the start.
Memory has thankfully wiped from me just how long I fed for as time went on - I'm sure it didn't drop off to 50 mins at 3 months though as I don't see how a baby could get enough daily food on less than an hour. Could depend on things like your flow too I suppose.

My point with that meme was that people don't view the maternity period as a valuable part of creating a new human.

I've no idea if the stats add up, time spent with your child is extremely valuable whether you breastfeed or formula feed.

A friend was commenting on how her daughter is being coached in employment and careers at school but at no point is "what happens when you wish to have a child with someone" included in that coaching. For either the boys or girls.

She reflected that society ties people to expensive mortgages and levels of living and expect a baby to just pop in. And a said that she's seen several women come back full time and breaking apart as their baby is being looked after by everyone else but them, as they're the wage earners or they have to maintain the level of income.

I struggle daily with whether to continue with my part time job and risk loosing my career, we could afford not to, just. To be there for my children and not be constantly stretched emotionally and physically. At the same time I know I'd go potty and also feel I need to hang on to my job as it's now unique and I've made it what it is.

I wish I'd had more education around the economics of raising children I guess.

First child fed quickly. Second child chained me to the sofa for hours.

It's not the point though.

LOL you're kidding aren't you! Looking after a baby and working from home at the same time? You're lucky if you get time to pee alone with a 6 week old.