First Child - Returning to Work Quickly

[SJDiggle]

Hi all,

Long time lurker - first time post. Just looking for some (hopefully!) neutral opinions/advice. My DH and I are at a point where we are thinking about children but we are trying to be sensible and consider finances etc.

Realistically we could probably only financially afford for me to take 6 weeks maternity leave (before my policy drops to 50% pay).

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

We won't have help from family - My mother works and the in-laws are 3 hours away and no grandparents either.

Happy to hear all opinions and thoughts!

I think you should wait until you are in a better financial position. You don't sound like you can actually afford children at the moment. 6 weeks is far too soon to go back to work as well, a lot of places will only take babies from 6 months onwards, so you need to be careful of that.

Also what is your DH's company policy? Could he delay his paternity leave until after yours? Could you take shared parental leave if you are the high earner?

For most people 3-4 days a week childcare while they work (you can't work while caring for a small baby) and extra costs of food/clothes etc. is not far shy of half the average UK wage each month.

If you absolutely can't afford to save anything before the baby arrives or take any drop in wage then how will you afford a child full stop.

What @Appletreehouse said. If you’re already thinking you’ll struggle to take even a small amount of mat leave, how will you afford a child?

Also unless your job is very different to most and requires very little attention to do, you will need someone to look after your baby when you are working from home.

Can you afford full time childcare?

I think unless it's your only possible option you should rethink this. Your baby needs you so much at that age. I'm sure it's doable but at what cost?

One catch to working from home with a nanny is that the child can get upset when they see you and then you have to leave again. It’s like doing the morning goodbye over and over and there are ages where that can be tough. My home office had its own bathroom so I would pack a bag with everything I needed for the day and just disappear. I only ever came into the house for a midday meal and when dd was in her clingiest phase I even packed that.

It really depends on your job and situation. I only took 7 weeks off after my second baby, but work from home (totally separate office) in the evenings so DH looked after the children and I could breastfeed as needed. I'm fortunate my situation allowed it so well but it was still hard!

If you are still at the stage of thinking about children, I would save as much as you possibly can between now and then to be able to take longer off. Many people (myself included) only get 6 weeks at 90% and then 7.5 months at ~£600pm (smp) and cut their cloth accordingly. If you can't afford to take the 50% drop for a few more weeks, how will paying for full time childcare impact you? Why not save the equivalent between now and when you have a baby? You have time to financially prepare, I'd aim for a minimum of 4 months mat leave if you possibly can.

I think everyone else has covered it really, but the big question to ask yourself is whether you earn more than double the cost of childcare, otherwise it is more expensive to be at work than it is to be at home with the baby.....

I don’t think you would be very productive trying to work with a six week old baby around. And even if it works at 6 weeks because you have a very sleepy baby (I did have one of these), by the time you get to 4 months, the sleepiness will be less and baby will need far more of your time and interaction with you. I would expect a 6 month olds to be napping for around 3 maybe 4 hours in a day, if you are lucky. You won’t be able to squash a nine hour work day in to 3 hours. You will need childcare every day.

I’m concerned that you can’t afford a salary drop, but you are going to find a considerable amount of money for childcare each month.

Can you look at your outgoings and see where it is possible to save? Remortgage to a better deal? Are you eating out/takeaways/bought coffees/holidays/weekends away/buying stuff? Make it a challenge that you cut back and save massively for the next few months, so you have money to fall back on when you go on mat leave.

I know people always spout the line that babies don’t cost anything, but having a child really does cost a lot. Even buying second hand, which it is perfectly acceptable to do, costs a lot to get everything and if you can’t afford any mat leave, I’m concerned you will struggle completely financially when there is an extra mouth to feed and clothe.

What @Appletreehouse said. If you’re already thinking you’ll struggle to take even a small amount of mat leave, how will you afford a child?

I don't know about that, maternity leave is a hard time and a lot of households would really struggle on just one income for a few months. At least once the baby comes and OP is back at work the money is there to move around and prioritise where needed. That's not the case on maternity.

I saved up £7k for maternity leave and still struggled.

I went back at 3 months. I think it’s doable with the right support.

I agree with others, you can't work from home while looking after a baby and I'd be surprised if your employer allowed it in any event. My DD basically screamed unless she was in my arms for 5 months.

If you’ll be able to afford childcare once back could you start saving the equivalent now to see you through a bit extra? I’m only taking 15 weeks off but my concern with 6 weeks is you may barely have time to recover physically from the birth.

Also if there are complications in pregnancy often your contract says the organisation will reserve the right to start your Mat leave early from whichever point you’re off for pregnancy related sickness (usually after, say, 34 weeks) which means if you had to take time off for sickness or to go to the hospital because of reduced fetal movement (for example) all your paid Mat leave could be gone before you have a chance to have a baby!

*all your fully paid

Can I ask why it would be a struggle? I plan to go back to work after 5 weeks with my DH husband staying home to be primary caregiver.

Is the struggle beginning leaving my newborn so early? Or work/home life balance?

Mrswhy - first dc? You have no idea. If that was your plan after 5 months I'd think it was great.
But you won't struggle as much as someone relying on outside childcare would, having your dh at home.

I stayed home for more than a year and at that point started to feel ready to return to work. At six weeks it would have been totally impossible for me, even working from home. I wasn’t even physically recovered from birth yet, constantly tired from lack of sleep > no chance to focus on work whatsoever. Also emotionally I really wanted to focus on my baby. And breastfeeding was vey time consuming during those early weeks.

I was in hospital for two weeks following the birth of my first DS. I don't think I would have been well enough to work for at least 12 weeks. Birth is very unpredictable, you might be fine after 24 hours or you might have quite a long recovery period.

I think 12 weeks is more realistic although I'd try for 6 months if you possibly can.

Honestly? Childcare for a newborn for 2 days a week will take up a good proportion of your salary. Heck your workplace policy - mine gave 50% of salary plus statutory adoption pay (effectively the save as mat pay), I didn’t have the cost of travelling to work, work clothes and incidental coffees etc so was better off at home than working fir that time.

If you do your sums you may find you’re not actually that much worse off taking the time off. You could also look at which one of you is the lower earner and have them take time off, or see if your partners shared leave policy might leave you better off but really if you can’t afford a drop in salary even temporarily you’re likely going to struggle to afford the expense that comes with a baby.

It’s a really challenging time adjusting to being a parent and having all this new responsibility, and also dealing with the physical and emotional differences. Not to mention sleep... I really think it would be hard, not impossible, but very, very difficult. I would save up a bit longer and then plan to have a baby when you can take a few months to find your feet. I found leaving the house to make it to a baby group on time an achievement with a 6 week old! Best of luck whatever happens

I'm not sure what your plans are for the other 3 days, while you WfH? I couldnt put my first down for the first 4 months or so. He would scream if not being held, and wasnt a sleeper - we were lucky if he slept 8 hours in 24. I'm not mentioning this to cause fear (we are having another so it cant have been so bad!) but there would have been no way I could work with him around.

I agree with the other ladies saying 6 weeks is very soon. If you were to go the full 2 weeks overdue, you may be going back to work and leaving a 4 week old. I had serious baby blues still 6 weeks after my first and dropping the TV remote would result in floods of tears (funny thinking back on it...) I just wouldn't have coped in a work environment. Adding in that I really hated handing my baby over to anyone even for a cuddle, I'd have ended up quitting my job if I'd had to go back so soon.... I went back just before his first birthday and even then, the first few weeks were so hard - I missed him every second.

Could you revisit your finances as I know the maternity pay is dreadful - I'm saving hard for this next one - but childcare costs are not to dissimilar to the drop in pay for most people! Sounds like it could be worth thinking longer term before taking the plunge. GL whatever you decide.

I think 6 weeks is a bit soon...what if you had a c section? Or god forbid there was something wrong with you or the baby due to the birth etc? You’d only just be recovered/still recovering

Your workplace policy of 50% is much better than most. I think you’d be crazy to try and leave such a little one when you’d be on a good maternity package. Quite frankly, you should be saving up to cover your mat leave and not leave a 6 week old without its primary carer. If you’re only at the ‘thinking’ stage you have time and choices. Like others have said, if you can’t afford 50% pay, I’m not sure know you’d pay childcare. I was far better off on 50% pay during mat leave than I was paying childcare.

You also can’t possibly work from home with a baby. Its not fair on you, your employer or the baby.