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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First Child - Returning to Work Quickly

169 replies

SJDiggle · 10/02/2020 11:56

Hi all,

Long time lurker - first time post. Just looking for some (hopefully!) neutral opinions/advice. My DH and I are at a point where we are thinking about children but we are trying to be sensible and consider finances etc.

Realistically we could probably only financially afford for me to take 6 weeks maternity leave (before my policy drops to 50% pay).

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

We won't have help from family - My mother works and the in-laws are 3 hours away and no grandparents either.

Happy to hear all opinions and thoughts!

OP posts:
DaveGrohlsMuse · 10/02/2020 16:34

I think you'd be insane going back after 6 weeks. Plus, the costs you're paying for childcare may well cancel out the salary you're getting on top of the 50%.
Save now, so you're financially ready.

Runnerduck34 · 10/02/2020 16:53

I think you will find 6 weeks really tough, both emotionally and physically.
Did you mean when you said that you would have nanny/ childminder for 2 days a week that you were planning on looking after baby yourself when working at home?
That really wouldnt work, I used to run my own business from home when mine were small and you can't look after a baby/ toddler and do a 9-5 working day at the same time.
I would try look at cutting back and saving as much as possible rather than return when baby is 6 weeks and budget for child care for the hours you are both working.

chuttypicks · 10/02/2020 17:34

Start saving as much as you can now so you can afford to have more than 6 weeks off. Also, what work do you do that you can wfh whilst looking after a baby that will become a toddler - neither of which is quiet for long periods of time and will need pretty much constant attention?

bananaontoast1 · 10/02/2020 17:47

... You can't afford a child. I'm sorry.

Have you looked at anywhere you can make savings so you could take maternity leave?

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2020 17:59

If and when you have a baby and go back to work, you will need proper childcare even when working from home. Do you have any family or friends who have had babies recently? I assume not because otherwise I would have thought you'd realise just how life changing it is, how exhausting and demanding in the first few months and beyond.

What are (both) your incomes and outgoings atm? Do you have any debts? Savings?? You will need to review your finances and do some planning so that you can factor in a reduction in earnings during maternity leave. Consider that you will be able to claim child benefit and possibly universal credit (depending on circumstances).

Some useful links
www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/categories/having-a-baby
and
www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/baby-checklist/

fedup21 · 10/02/2020 18:02

Has the OP come back and said whether she plans to look after the baby whilst working from home?

AnotherEmma · 10/02/2020 18:04

She didn't have to confirm, she clearly said in her post that she would work full time, 3 days at home and 2 days in the office, and use childcare 2 days a week.

NeurotrashWarrior · 10/02/2020 18:23

This puts things into perspective...

EmpressJewel · 10/02/2020 18:37

You won't be able be productive trying to work and look after a baby. Many employers have stipulations in their policy's about this.

I ended up having a casarean with DC1 and there is no way I would have been well well enough to return to work at 6 weeks. Remember, it's major surgery.

Your best best is to save up as much money as you can so that you can take a reasonable time off work.

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2020 18:41

With my eldest I wouldn't have been physically able to work after 6 weeks. I had a C section and was unwell after for a number of weeks. Taking my daughter to the shop in the pram (about 200 metres away) was a huge struggle and was enough to knacker me for the day.

I couldn't have worked from home and cared for the baby with either of mine. They cluster fed, didn't sleep so I was exhausted and were generally needy buggers. Toddlers are worse though.

My eldest is 5 and in the last year I can do some work while she does other things.

Hugtheduggee · 10/02/2020 20:05

NeurotrashWarrior - not everyone breastfed, and not all babies take long at it. Even in the early days I doubt my total duration for the day would to 3 hours, and from 6 months, probably only about an hour in total.

I still think the ops idea is bonkers and unworkable, but the meme is bollocks. And if computer based, there is no reason why you can't work and feed at the same time (over done it many times)

Berrymuch · 10/02/2020 20:10

That sounds like a lot of pressure to put on yourself OP. 6 weeks postpartum I was still recovering physically, my mind was all over the place, I was sleeping probably around 3 hours a night, and still getting to grips with looking after a baby in honesty. Working from home without any childcare would be impossible in my opinion, and going into work 3 days a week would be hard. No doubt it is physically doable, but I wouldn't see it as a feasible idea at all.

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/02/2020 20:11

Is it 50% plus SMP? Because surely that would be ok?

Callingyounique · 10/02/2020 20:19

I think I could have gone back at 6 weeks tbh. I felt ok. It was the norm many years ago.

ReallyLilyReally · 10/02/2020 20:36

@Callingyounique but could you have worked from home while taking care of a 6wk old baby? Thats the real issue here surely.

Dipi79 · 10/02/2020 20:40

I honestly don't see the point of having a baby when you'd consider going back to work at 6 weeks. Not a popular view, I'm sure.

mynameiscalypso · 10/02/2020 20:45

I agree with @ReallyLilyReally that the issue is not necessarily leaving a baby at 6 weeks to go back to work (presuming you can get childcare and you have a straightforward birth) - lots of women in the US, for example, do exactly that. I really wanted to return to work at about 6 weeks as I was bored although mat leave has got better as DS has got older. The issue is you can't WFH and look after a baby at the same time.

Monkeynuts18 · 10/02/2020 20:47

Well, there’s a difference between something being possible, and something being desirable.

It MAY be possible to return to work at 6 weeks, if you have a straightforward birth. Women in some countries do it. It used to be commonplace a few decades ago. But I don’t think it would be easy or fun for you.

I’d be astounded if your employer was ok with you working from home with no childcare arrangements, though.

If I were you I’d try to get myself in a better financial position first.

SoloMummy · 10/02/2020 20:49

Do you mean you would try to work at home with baby there for 3 days and have childcare the other 2 days?

If so totally inappropriate I'm afraid. Now at school age I can get away with odd day but not a baby.

Can you not save over the next year or two, really cutting expenditure and have a more reasonable time off?

If you can not afford childcare for 5 days you simply cannot expect a wage for 5 days.

Callingyounique · 10/02/2020 20:59

Yes I agree it’s the working from home that’s the issue not the work per se.

ChanklyBore · 10/02/2020 21:02

I returned at five weeks. Complications with the baby meant we weren’t discharged by the midwife until 28 days/four weeks, so a week after that. Literally no choice, as I wanted to eat, keep my house, I was a single parent and no one to keep the baby for me or earn any money. What else can you do?

I did it again with another baby, for different reasons, that time I was a student and returned at the start of the semester, I didn’t use childcare and was breastfeeding.

I’m not sure either time it was a good idea, but it was what it was and they are fine, I was fine but it did take years to recover some semblance of reality with every baby.

SallyWD · 10/02/2020 21:07

Sorry but it took me about a year to adjust to having a baby. At 6 weeks I was a sleep deprived mess. I couldn't have worked, let alone full time. If you can I'd just accept being poor for a few more months or a year.

Jess827 · 10/02/2020 21:21

To other people commenting about the past or other countries... Women didn't have the workplace protection they have now; they also had closer families on average; people worked closer to home with fewer expectations of ridiculous presenteeism; etc.

Other countries like the Nordic or EU countries have far longer and better shared parenting leave. France has a huge amount of physical recovery support for women (post birth pelvic floor work as routine, not a fight to get); Germany relatives of mine were horrified to hear of the "wait and see" NHS approach to incontinence here?!?! Even the USA has proper pumping rooms, private, with breaks, and support breastfeeding women in a way that my HR would laugh at me for expecting here in the UK.

Example; my American colleagues say there's a pumping room in every site, with power sockets and a fridge... If I asked for that here when I travel to visit other sites I'm lucky if there's a working female lavatory... If I expected breastfeeding support I'd be the talk of the management team...

Jess827 · 10/02/2020 21:22

(the All Male management team, of whom I'm the sole female, because mothers just leave the profession!)

teenagetantrums · 10/02/2020 21:27

I went back when my oldest was 12weeks and my youngest 10 week. Was over 20 years ago and l couldn't afford let never as maternity pay was only 6weeks at 90#and then 12 weeks at SMP. So l took the 6werjs and holiday. To be honest babies were fine l was tired and breastfeeding went out window. But l had family to look after them.
Would be hard with nursery l think. But if you have to work then you have no choice.