First Child - Returning to Work Quickly

[SJDiggle]

Hi all,

Long time lurker - first time post. Just looking for some (hopefully!) neutral opinions/advice. My DH and I are at a point where we are thinking about children but we are trying to be sensible and consider finances etc.

Realistically we could probably only financially afford for me to take 6 weeks maternity leave (before my policy drops to 50% pay).

I already work 2 days from home and would probably see if I could increase that to 3 when I return to work but my question/AIBU is would it work with a 6 week old baby being looked after by a child minder/nanny during the day twice a week? DH leaves house at 8:30am and one of us is normally home by 5pm

We won't have help from family - My mother works and the in-laws are 3 hours away and no grandparents either.

Happy to hear all opinions and thoughts!

Has your DH checked whether he is entitled to paid parental leave from his employer? Could he take some leave after your six weeks are up so he could take over full responsibility for the baby during the day and night, to at least help you ease back into work on a full nights sleep?

My baby Dd saw a very screamy baby night and day. She wouldn't be put down and didn't nap without a mammoth effort to get her to sleep and even then she mostly woke after 20mins. There's no way I'd have been able to do work while she was there. Save hard until you're financially able to take longer off.

How old are you op? Can you delay ttc and save for a longer mat leave? Six weeks isn't enough and you won't be able to work from home and take care of a new born.

It doesn’t really sound like you can afford to have children yet if you can only afford 6 weeks maternity leave?

How are you going to afford childcare?

You’ll need full time childcare whether you’re working from home or not. No employer is going to pay you to work from home whilst you’re looking after a baby!!

What sort of salary are you on? Can you work for a few more years and go for promotion before thinking about having children?

It doesn't sound like you're pregnant yet, I'd start saving if you can to fund a longer maternity leave. Working from home with a baby (or a toddler if its a longer term plan) is impossible as anything other than a one off and maternity leave isn't just about childcare - it's about your recovery. If you end up with a c-section you're advised not to drive for 6 weeks, and that's just the physical side. Babies change your life and they change you, maternity leave is necessary and it can be lovely. Try and maximise it if you can.

Couldn't you save up for the next year to keep yourself going a bit longer?? Childcare costs to consider as well when you go back - so you won't be a whole lot better off if you return to work for the full pay rather than being off at half pay??

We are planning a baby soon too - and my plan is to save up from now until baby is here (hopefully we can have a baby, obvs won't know til we start trying haha)

I would aim to have enough money to pay at least 9months of my half of the rent and then my Dh will be able to pay for everything else / we will need to just be a bit more frugal - but reckon we will manage me having a year off!!

Yeah I think you need to rethink. I run my own business from home and while I could have done some bits in those early weeks, it would have been very fragmented and not the kind of work (or quality) that an employer would pay for. As your baby gets older, it will get even more impossible as their wake windows increase and they require interaction. They won't just sit in a playpen or in a cot for eight hours while you work. DD is one now and there's no way I can do anything more than reply to the odd email while she's awake, because she's mobile and wants to play. And I also don't want to be sitting there ignoring her while I do work.

You either need to pay for childcare or do what i started doing when DD got into a bedtime routine at around six months - work evenings and nap times and at weekends when DH is around to look
after her. I work once she's in bed at 7, but that depends on a baby who is a good sleeper, a supportive husband who does a lot of the chores in the evening while I work, and being able to be flexible about when you work.

I’d say that if you can afford a nanny, I’d out of TTC for a year and save what you’d be paying a nanny to bolster your savings.

Who is the higher earner, and what are the shared parental leave policies and pay at your husband’s work?

I also don't think it would be possible, unless you had full time childcare. You couldn't work well from home with a newborn. You might get a sleepy one but you might also get a crier who pretty much requires attention the whole time. Also, that doesn't last very long and before you know it they're on the move and into everything!

I had a hideous birth and still wasnt physically great at 6 weeks. Plus what if you dont get a sleeper, at that age I was often up most of the night. Don't do it, it will be really, really hard!

I think returning to work 6 weeks post partum would be tough. Labour is tough on your body as is the first few weeks. Also Have you read up on the fourth trimester? Babies can be very needy in the first 3 months after delivery. The lack of sleep alone would be tough. Good luck in your decision.

Spend the next two years of both you and your husband putting away as much as humanly possible then take longer time off.

What makes dropping to 50% of your salary for 9 months - year unachieveable? Especially as once your back to work a large portion of your salary will then be going towards childcare.

No judgement if it’s what you want to do but if down to finances you have time to formulate a plan.

Do check, but after 6 weeks I was on 50% plus statutory maternity and paying less tax so didn't end up too much worse off a month and saved before hand. That took me to 4 months before it dramatically dropped to only SMP and then I started KIT days before returning to top it up.

Just to say OP everyone has unrealistic expectations about what your first baby will be like, I remember telling my mum that I was going to go back and do my masters cause babies sleep 16-18 hours a day......she laughed

I gotta say, I had two pretty easy newborns who slept pretty well, but i did not know which direction was up for the first 12 weeks both times, so on that count alone wouldn't recommend going back at 6 weeks.

Once DD was about 8 weeks old I went back part time, about 4 hours every evening, but only because I was a freelancer and scared to lose clients.

It was tough. DH and I were both on our knees with tiredness from having a baby up every hour at night. I was still physically recovering from birth and dealing with hormones etc. I couldn't focus on my work and did the basic minimum.

DH took care of baby while I worked. I could have maybe managed 1-2 hours during the day while she napped, but otherwise would have needed to pay for childcare. As soon as they nap less and get more mobile, this goes out the window.

I'm not sure many childcare providers will take a baby younger than three months old.

If you're not pregnant yet you've plenty of time to save up. I was the main earner when I had my son and at the time my employer's maternity pay policy was 6 weeks full pay, 5 months half pay and then nothing. I was lucky that there was a change to the holiday year while I was pregnant which meant that I was able to save more annual leave than I otherwise would have done, so I was able to take a total of 7 months on full or half pay. Half pay was fine while I was on leave.

As others have said, childcare is expensive and will take a big chunk of your full time income anyway, even if you share it 50-50 with your OH.

And you can't work alongside a baby unless they sleep all the time. Mine did, and I probably could have done a bit, but not full time, and my brain wasn't working anyway.

I would aim to save enough money to take a minimum of 6 months off.

You can't afford a child as it stands at the moment - 50% of salary is good, you should take advantage of that. You'd be giving up the time with your baby, and paying full time child care, for effectively only 50% of your salary - which surely can't be worth it.
Put off TTC and save like mad.

Another suggestion - look for an employer with a more generous maternity leave policy. Some pay full time for 6 months, some even pay full time for a year.

Most companies now specifically say that you can't WFH while in sole charge of a child. With very good reason! I had to do a bit of work when DS was 6 weeks old and a job that should have taken about 20 mins took all afternoon and DS was a very easy baby. My DH works from home one day a week and he doesn't do anything baby related between 8 and 6; it would never work otherwise.

It depends on you , your job and your baby I didn't take any maternity leave at all , but still breastfed and wasnt working from home . I've had staff over the years who have been working from the maternity ward others who needed a year and some who never came back . My bond with my daughter is very close and she is now 17 she understands that I always needed to work but was also able to make time for her

If you can’t afford to go to 50% pay then you can’t afford childcare.

@SJDiggle I think a few others have said this but I just wanted to echo them.

Your plan 100% hinges on you having a straight forward pregnancy and birth. Hopefully you will have, but if you're already thinking that you'll need to go back after 6 weeks then I would definitely put off having a baby until I was in a better financial position. You could look at moving jobs? Or doing extra hours maybe?

My baby was 7 weeks early after an emergency section and I'd lost a lot of blood. Plus I'd been in and out of hospital for 9 weeks prior to his delivery. My baby wouldn't have even been at term before you'd be thinking of going back to work so I'm not sure that it would have been at all feasible to ask anyone to look after him (and he had no health problems). Plus after 6 weeks I was only just getting back to myself, I needed a lot more time to be fully fit and bond properly with my baby.

It'll vary for everyone but in my situation I wouldn't have considered going back to work until at least 3 months (although I'm taking the full 12 months, we saved up in advance to allow this).

Could u save now so you can supplement the rest of your paternity? Does your dh get decent paternity if he took parental leave instead?

Can you and your DH save lots of annual leave? If you could have a month each (or more if you took it a couple of days of the week) that would buy you more time. I would seriously look at childcare though, will they take a 6 week old and what cost? I'd be concerned how you will afford that if you have such a little buffer? Could you practice putting aside the childcare cost as savings?

A lot of nurseries wont take them till they've had their 12 week jabs.