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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The Toilet Seat Saga

343 replies

Rosebyanothername19 · 09/02/2020 23:04

Basically my husband and I have an ongoing dispute over the downstairs toilet. I have asked him a million times to put the lid down after he uses it - which is about every half hour...

I have sent him links to articles about hygiene and also put a large note on top of the toilet asking nicely to put the lid down in case he just forgets. I have pointed our that our baby is going to be crawling soon and, as the downstairs loo is between the living room and kitchen, she is probably going to end up in there numerous times.

Every request is met with an eye roll and him saying that's it's not a big deal or just ignored.

So tonight I have decided that every time he leaves the lid up I will empty a beer down the sink and leave the bottle upside down. I haven't told him this and I'm just going to start doing it and wait until he asks or realises what is going on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BreatheAndFocus · 10/02/2020 08:08

The inside of the toilet lid doesn’t have to be wet. The particles that spread from a flushed toilet with the lid up are aerosolised - microscopic and carried in the air.

It’s called toilet plume and is definitely a thing. I always close the lid before flushing.

I do like the idea of a PP though - each stopping a trivial habit that annoys the other person.

madcatladyforever · 10/02/2020 08:15

I would be very concerned about his disrespect for you. You have given him a good reason for why the toilet seat needs to be put down.
Does he always brush you off like this?

EvaHarknessRose · 10/02/2020 08:16

Small things get big (It's not the 100 miles in front of you that will stop you achieving your journey, it's the tiny stone in your shoe'). Try to have an adult conversation about how the two of you will approach these issues which might involve compromises and discussions and thinking about each other. So you have a model for dealing with the big stuff.

ForalltheSaints · 10/02/2020 08:18

How long have you been together and he is not aware it is the 8th deadly sin?

As for the beer, it depends on the make. If it's something like Budweiser that is not really beer in my view, then fair enough.

Topseyt · 10/02/2020 08:19

Is no one else worried about the germs that get sprayed around your bathroom when you flush the toilet with the lid up

Not in the slightest. There are many more worthy things to worry about.

Oulu · 10/02/2020 08:21

Is no one else worried about the germs that get sprayed around your bathroom when you flush the toilet with the lid up??

No. I've survived an awfully long time with said germs, I reckon I may just continue to do so.

MrKlaw · 10/02/2020 08:34

Its something I've never really understood.

For toilets - you either pee or poo. Men can do the first standing or sitting, women need to sit. Everyone needs to sit for a poo. So if you have equal numbers of each sex in the house, 3/4 of the time you need the seat down. So isn't it simpler to have the seat down all the time?

Also neater.

Also stops splashing when flushing.

Also stops splashing when peeing - you pee standing up and you will be getting pee on your trousers/legs and the floor. Which someone has to clean up. and your baby will potentially be crawling through on the floor

If it doesn't matter either way - surely the logical thing to do is put it down - better for more people, and keeps the room cleaner.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 10/02/2020 08:39

Some men piss all over and I for one don't use a horrible 'toilet' mat to collect the drips. I don't need to wipe round the floor daily, by any means, but IF I were worried about a baby getting in there when crawling, I would.

Shouldn't it be the uncontrollably leaky, drippy, pissy men who do all this daily mopping then?

lynsey91 · 10/02/2020 08:42

I thought almost everyone put the loo lid down. I don't understand why you wouldn't.

I know some men don't even put the seat down but thankfully my DH puts the seat and the lid down without having to be asked.

corduroyal · 10/02/2020 08:43

OP I get it about your DC having been in NICU, but once they start crawling it's a germ frenzy, and rightly so. It's good for their immune systems.

They get obsessed with chewing shoes and licking pram wheels and all sorts. You won't be able to stop them every time. I think you need to relax a bit.

Our toilet lid is never closed and we're also very rarely ill.

Oulu · 10/02/2020 08:44

Off the point, but does your DH really use the loo every half hour? Is there something wrong with his bladder?

corduroyal · 10/02/2020 08:45

I don't put the lid down, I suppose for reasons:
I was never taught to so didn't form the habit
If you put the lid down you then have to wait until the flush finishes and lift it to check for skids, this is valuable time
I often have my toddler and crawling baby in the bathroom with me, I don't need extra tasks thanks
I've been fine without doing it for almost 40 years so why start now

WalkingDeadTrainee · 10/02/2020 08:50

The millions of people hospitalised due to not closing toilet lid when flushing😱
Not.

I get that you are nervous because of your baby but just make sure door to the bathroom are closed. I would roll my eyes at you too... Keyboards and remotes are filthier than a toilet usually.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 10/02/2020 08:52

I know some men don't even put the seat down

I don't get why men should put a seat down. I am perfectly capable to put it down myself and DH is perfectly capable to lift it himself.

CecilyP · 10/02/2020 08:54

Is no one else worried about the germs that get sprayed around your bathroom when you flush the toilet with the lid up??

Nope. I was a child before toilets had lids - we survived. When we moved to a flat with a lidded toilet, we assumed it was just so you could sit and dry yourself on it after a bath.

Biancadelrioisback · 10/02/2020 08:54

As DS uses a toddler seat on the toilet, I am forever touching the seat, rim, lid etc so I'm really not concerned about particles.

But OP, my son spend the first month in SCBU and when I got him home I made everyone use sanitizer before they touched him for months before I realised how ridiculous I was being.... Now he's 3 and the other day I caught him licking the fish tank so I'm not as concerned now...

TitchyP · 10/02/2020 09:01

Train the baby to crawl in there and drop things in the toilet, his phone, remote control, that sort of thing. That'll teach him to put the lid down Grin

Ponoka7 · 10/02/2020 09:03

"There is a note on the cistern so unless he pees with his eyes shut (which wouldnt surprise me judging by the mess sometimes)"

Address that, that's disgusting. If he makes a mess, he cleans it up straight away.

When the baby can crawl, you make sure that his phone, game controller etc is what she goes for. Once down the toilet and he'll put the lid down.

Cruddles · 10/02/2020 09:25

If you have to both adjust the car seat when driving to you insist he set it back to your setting before getting out of the car?

Omashu · 10/02/2020 09:37

No, I’m not worried about the germs. We’re all happy and healthy in our home regardless of the loo being flushed with the lid up 🤷🏼‍♀️

nacher · 10/02/2020 09:38

Do many people keep their toothbrushes in the downstairs loo?

My DD always keeps the lid down, she worries about rats swimming up the U bend!

steppemum · 10/02/2020 09:49

Honestly
Life is too short.
Who cares really if the lid is up or down. Wee is strerile when it leaves the body, so as long as your loo is cleaned regularly, the germ thing is minimal.

I have always though it odd that people actually argue over this.

Shut the door, and relax

Ponoka7 · 10/02/2020 09:49

@WalkingDeadTrainee, because the seats natural position is down and those that lift it, should put it back down.

@nacher, some people only have only downstairs bathrooms.

Highonpotandused · 10/02/2020 09:55

We are a toilet lid down household so I get you OP.

I also have never cleaned the loo or bathroom, it’s DH’s domain.

Maybe make cleaning the bathroom his job?

Ponoka7 · 10/02/2020 10:01

"Wee is strerile when it leaves the body"

It is pathogen free, but does contain microbial activity. Getting out of the body can contaminte it. Sterile isn't the same as non toxic, which is why we do different tests, first flow/mid flow. If you want to drink your own you should left it sit for two days.

It's because of the other stuff, people put the lid down. I don't put the lid down BTW. I also grew up with toilets without lids, even in school.