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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
JosefKeller · 09/02/2020 12:39

Ok, TwitcherOfCurtains, but the majority of people will at some point. You should discuss it with medical professionals, it's interesting.

No need to pretend it's a bad of honour and a special status Hmm

adaline · 09/02/2020 12:39

@karencantobe yeah, and his mental health was suffering as a result of his situation.

Just because something is a normal reaction, doesn't mean it's not an illness!

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 12:40

If you have had such a bad day you cannot face the thought of being in work the next day. What's the problem with being off sick
I had better quit my job now and never work again then.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 09/02/2020 12:40

I've had 3 days off in 4 years and they have all been for MH reasons. My MH goes up and down, some months I'm great and some not so great. Those 3 occasions a lot of stressful stuff had happened in the weeks running up, and I felt like total shit - completely on edge and like I couldn't think or concentrate or anything. I spent the whole day on the sofa. I couldn't physically drag myself into work, and if I had, I would have stared at the screen all day doing nothing. Those single days off did really help and recharge me a bit, so I could at least face work until the weekend.

Of course I just said it was a stomach upset, because a lot of people still have attitudes like on this thread about "snowflakes" and "pisstakers".

adaline · 09/02/2020 12:41

But these comments will be coming from people with good mental health or good coping mechanisms for poor mental health.

Exactly. People who think that because they react one way, everyone else should too.

NotProudOfMyself · 09/02/2020 12:42

I work in a service job. It's very stressful. I have mental health issues. Many many times I have wanted to take a mental health day because I have been in such a bad place. I haven't, simply because I am terrified of losing my job. I don't think I would have been wanky to do so though.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 12:43

I kind of think it is a normal reaction. Maybe I have a skewed sense of normal as someone with mental health problems. But I don't think it is unusual for people in shit situations to think about suicide. Thinking about it is a very long way from making plans, and then from actually attempting it.

It really isnt normal. The odd fleeting thought maybe but actually thinking about suicide on your way to work is not a normal reaction. You're right that thinking about it and taking action are far apart but just the fact that thinking about it to the poo t it was worth telling people about it (either st the time or afterwards) is absolutely not a normal reaction to stress at work.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 12:43

@adaline We disagree. But my point was that taking random days off would not help him. He needed to get another job. And sometimes people can try and cope with a shit situation, rather than actually making changes. The healthier thing to do is make changes to your life if you can.

TwitcherOfCurtains · 09/02/2020 12:44

Ok, TwitcherOfCurtains, but the majority of people will at some point. You should discuss it with medical professionals, it's interesting.

Depression is 3.3 in every 100 people acoording to Mind. Hardly the majority Hmm

Isleepinahedgefund · 09/02/2020 12:45

Another issues is that the “mental health days” very often are linked to the weekend being extended - they’re not often on tues/weds/thurs and mostly occur on mon/fri. That is one of the patterns we have to specifically pick up and question under our absence management procedures.

It’s very hard to believe that the Disneyland trip wasn’t prebooked and the person hadn’t planned to take the extra day as a sickie instead of a/l. Hard to believe that on the Thursday evening or Friday morning they felt so overwhelmed that they booked themselves a last minute long weekend with Mickey Mouse and some friends who also happened to be available at Incredibly short notice. I would have told them unpaid or a/l

As for the other person texting you on Sunday - that’s just abusing your goodwill. Most employers require their employees to ring in in person, not text, and not the night before either. I would have replied saying they need to observe the absence management procedures and ring in tomorrow morning if they are unfit for work, or take emergency a/l, and that you won’t be accepting their text notification at the weekend ahead of time as notification of their absence.

Mental Health days are not a “thing” in law either. Not many employers will give you a MH day allowance, it will be sickness. Adding MH onto it doesn’t exempt it from absence procedures any more than “broken leg leave”. I think these people are hoping that adding MH on will have the effect of their employers letting them have a day off without impunity “just in case”.

sandybanana · 09/02/2020 12:45

I am a mental health sufferer.

Shit mental health at times. All diagnosed: severe anxiety, OCD, Emetephobia etc

I meet with my gp regularly, have counselling and generally at times can feel absolutely awful.

I don't think we have a right to judge anyone. I myself work from home. There are times that I do absolutely fuck all and can be in a terrible state. So I am fortunate in that the job is flexible and I can work somewhat around my mental health and make the time up. Of which I always do.

Now if I worked in an office, it would be a different story. There would be no doubt that I would at times be absent from work.

It's definitely a difficult one. There are always going to be those who use any excuse to take time off work and there will always be those, like me, who have genuine mental health issues.

I think it's good that there is so much less stigma nowadays around mental health and that people feel that they can at least open up more about it than in previous times.

DBML · 09/02/2020 12:46

Every human will have been through stressful times; horrendous times and lonely times.

I have driven to work some days, imagining that if I had a car accident, I wouldn’t have to go in.

I don’t have any ‘special coping mechanism’. I push myself in some days, because I have to think about the pay check at the end of the month. That’s my only coping strategy.
I have to distract myself with work and get in with it.

sandybanana · 09/02/2020 12:46

My apologies. Frustratingly, I haven't even read through the entire thread.

Sorry all

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 12:48

Do people take the odd paid day off to protect their physical health? Not days sick, just days where you feel physically under par

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 12:49

@FormerlyFrikadela01 Okay I have a skewed sense of normal. I don't think he was at any risk of actual suicide. Instead he took it as a pretty big message that even though he would have less money, he had to leave his job. The workplace from the sounds of it was totally toxic.

ChoccyJules · 09/02/2020 12:49

Taking a day because you can’t get out of bed, or the best you can manage is having a walk down to the corner of the road and back and then having a long sleep...that might be a mental health day. Managing to travel to Disneyland Paris for three days sounds like taking the piss.

Shadowcats · 09/02/2020 12:52

It’s really frustrating hearing people assume that you need to be bed ridden to be ‘seriously’ suffering from MH.

Any medical practitioner will tell you that you need to practice self care when suffering from MH. Not hide up under the covers obsessing over how you are feeling. Going on holidays, seeing friends, doing things that make you feel happy. It’s all recommended.

It is a very unhealthy, outdated view and doesn’t do anybody any good.

whostolemy · 09/02/2020 12:52

@windymillersmill. Thank you. Given that this week is the week we get results from his latest scan and things aren't looking great I really appreciate that.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 12:55

@Shadowcats For a lot of people going into work can be better for their mental health. Of course it depends on the workplace and the mental health issue. But for plenty of people struggling in is actually better for them.

windymillersmill · 09/02/2020 12:55

@whostoleme you are most welcome. I hope it's not as bad as you are understandably thinking.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 12:55

Do people take the odd paid day off to protect their physical health? Not days sick, just days where you feel physically under par

I'm not actually arguing for mental health days independent of sick days ( although the "duvet days" some companies have seem like a good idea). I just want mental health days, taken in line with the rest of the sickness policy to be respected as much as a physical health sick day. In that vein yes, the last time I took sick leave (3 years ago) was becasue I was absolutely exhausted and felt like I was coming down with something... you know that shitty under the weather feeling that you cant quite pin on any particular illness. I slept the entire day and returned to work the day after feeling much more refreshed and much more productive than I had for weeks.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 12:57

@sandybanana I am glad you have a job that you can work around in that way.

Shadowcats · 09/02/2020 12:58

I do agree that being at work is usually good for MH. Regular routine and purpose (work) are effective techniques to maintain good MH. But that’s when work isn’t another causing factor to the detriment of your MH.

People will still have days where work can be one extra thing they can’t deal with and having that off can make all the difference.

adaline · 09/02/2020 12:58

I've recently been seeing my GP for mental health issues. As well as prescribing medication and signing me off work, she recommended the following:

Get out everyday - fresh air will do you the world of good.
Exercise - even if it's just walking the dog or going down to the corner shop.
Socialise - get out and see friends and family. Don't coop yourself up indoors.
Diet - eat good foods and don't indulge in junk because you can't be bothered.
Sleep - get plenty of rest.

And primarily, be kind to yourself. Don't feel bad because you can't cope with doing X today. If you feel you need to sleep, or cry then do so.

adaline · 09/02/2020 13:00

@karentobe and for plenty of others, dragging themselves into work could be the straw that breaks the camels back.