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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 13:00

Fair enough formerly I absolutely do.

Shadowcats surely self care should be planned in around the times you're not required at work?

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:01

@FormerlyFrikadela01 I think that may work for people with good physical health. For people like me with chronic health issues that is how we feel all the time. A lot of people never feel well physically, and especially a lot of the older workforce. That is not considered enough though not to work and get benefits, you are expected to just get on with it.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 13:04

For people like me with chronic health issues that is how we feel all the time. A lot of people never feel well physically, and especially a lot of the older workforce. That is not considered enough though not to work and get benefits, you are expected to just get on with it.
Oh I completely agree that this is a set of issues that needs addressing. I have a friend who was diagnosed with fibromyalgia who was basically forced to leave her job becasue very simple and easy adjustments (like not working back to back 12 hour shifts) were not viable apparently.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:05

@adaline Yes it could be. But if you have an undiagnosed mental illness go to the GP, a therapist, make changes to your lifestyle.
If you have someone with a physical illness you would expect them to seek treatment and/or make lifestyle changes.
That is really taking care of your health.
Taking random days off but doing nothing else is either self indulgence, or you are actually not looking after yourself properly.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 09/02/2020 13:08

Taking random days off but doing nothing else is either self indulgence, or you are actually not looking after yourself properly.

Why have you assumed that people taking MH days off are doing "nothing else"? That's total bollocks and offensive too, painting a picture of us as "pisstakers".

I've been to the doctors, I've seen 3 counsellors, I take medication and I've taken up running on the advice of the doctor. I do classes and hobbies and volunteering. Sometimes life still gets on top of me and I have shitty days.

BeyondMyWits · 09/02/2020 13:09

It is interesting, I expect a lot of big organisations can absorb the costs of people taking days here and there.

I my job - shop - 8 members of staff including owner/manager, we do not get paid for the first 3 days of any absence and then SSP after that. No one takes any MH days/duvet days/hangover days etc - can't afford to.

Yet we don't see any incidences of people taking extra sick leave, or breaking down, people (including me) handle their crap out of annual leave allowance - and no we can't just take a day's leave without notice unless something serious happens,

I do find it at odds with most people I know (different demographic I guess) that most people on here seem to be paid to take days off at the drop of a hat. No wonder people take the piss... they can afford to...

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:09

@FormerlyFrikadela01 I have mixed feelings. I think it has to be easier to get benefits. But once you look at people in their late 50's and up to 67 working, many have chronic health problems. By 65 over half of people have a lifelong health condition. So it is the norm.
These people still have to work. And certainly because of the gender pay gap, few women who are not relying on a male partners wage can afford to just leave work before state pension age.
What happens in reality is many people end up taking lower paid jobs and/or going part-time.

adaline · 09/02/2020 13:12

Taking random days off but doing nothing else is either self indulgence, or you are actually not looking after yourself properly.

Lots of people don't look after themselves properly, because modern life isn't really set up for it. Parents work full-time, children in childcare, long commutes - weekends are taken up with housework, food shopping, running kids to activities. Annual leave is taken up covering school holidays, so people don't have the luxury of booking a day off just to decompress and relax.

People commenting that "days off should be used to decompress" obviously don't have much understanding about what other people's lives are like. Not everyone has the time to sleep all day on a Sunday, for example.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:13

@BeyondMyWits Yes I have found in places I work where sick leave is only statutory, people do not take random mental health days off either.

adaline · 09/02/2020 13:14

I my job - shop - 8 members of staff including owner/manager, we do not get paid for the first 3 days of any absence and then SSP after that. No one takes any MH days/duvet days/hangover days etc - can't afford to.

I also used to work in a shop - similar staffing levels to you and similar sickness policy - I still took six weeks off for MH issues before I eventually left. Because I just couldn't cope. Money didn't really come into it. You could have paid me double, I still wouldn't have been able to go in.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:16

@adaline Running kids to activities is a choice. People's lives are busier through choice. Even leaving the housework for a week is a choice.
Kids are normally quite happy to sit in front of the TV if you need to relax for a day.

TheoriginalLEM · 09/02/2020 13:17

I nearly took a mental health day on Friday. I am in the middle of a whirlwind of shit in my life at the moment, that involves trying to fit in hospital visits to my mother who is verbally abusive and threatening for the entire time im there, on top of ten hour working days and college assignments on top of this, trying to wrangle social workers etc to organise stuff for my mother during my 30 minutes lunch break, glares from management if i receive a personal call about my mother during work time.

Financial difficulties and debt.

I am on my knees and can't see a way out. I felt physically unwell on Friday and just needed a break but because i didn't have an illness per se I had to drag myself in, ended up working late. No thanks from management who take the same attitude as the OP.

I'll just soldier on until i break and then what?

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 13:18

"
People commenting that "days off should be used to decompress" obviously don't have much understanding about what other people's lives are like. Not everyone has the time to sleep all day on a Sunday, for example."
Why is it the responsibility of their employer to make good on that?
I get that they have responsibilities, complex situations. Does the employer not? Why do they get to use their employers time to pick up their lack of downtime in daily life?

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 13:21

Actually I'd support unpaid duvet days. And of course paid sickness leave.

WobblyAllOver · 09/02/2020 13:22

It does feel like a race to the bottom on this thread.

Just because others muddle through, put up with physical conditions etc does not negate the benefits of someone taking a day off for their mental health to avoid longer term sick leave.

No two jobs are the same, no physical or mental illness is the same as people experience different levels of symptoms.

furrytoebean · 09/02/2020 13:23

I am on my knees and can't see a way out. I felt physically unwell on Friday and just needed a break but because i didn't have an illness per se I had to drag myself in, ended up working late. No thanks from management who take the same attitude as the OP.

If I was in your shoes I would have taken the day off.
Life is far too short to put your health in jeopardy for a job.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:23

Surely nobody except maybe 18 year olds actually sleeps all day on a Sunday?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 09/02/2020 13:24

If someone takes a mental health day isn't it classed as a day off sick (but for mental illness not physical) and if someone is regularly doing it then their bradford sickness score will be high. At most places when your score reaches a certain level you have to have a meeting with HR and there are formal procedures to go down

ChoccyJules · 09/02/2020 13:26

@Shadowcats I was using a loose description of how I have sometimes been as an example of when People may need to be off work, I wasn’t meaning to say everyone with low MH need to be in bed, sorry if it came across that way. I do think that having a three day holiday abroad is pushing it, however. If you need that kind of a break then you use annual leave for it.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:26

And many people with serious mental illnesses still lie about them at work. There is still a lot of stigma around them.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 13:26

Lem it sounded like you were too unwell to work. I hope things improve soon

adaline · 09/02/2020 13:27

Why is it the responsibility of their employer to make good on that?

Surely it's the responsibility of an employer to look after their staff, and make sure they're okay? Be that giving them time off because their childminder is ill, because their parent is in hospital or because they're just struggling.

It's in an employers best interests to have a happy, healthy and engaged workforce. If giving people MH days occasionally allows that to happen, isn't that beneficial to everyone?

Some company's actively advocate you having "duvet days" - you get X amount per year, fully paid, and you can stay off and recharge.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:28

And yes saying you are taking a mental health day actually means you are ringing in sick.
Most places these days are harsh about sick leave.

jellycatspyjamas · 09/02/2020 13:28

Lots of people don't look after themselves properly, because modern life isn't really set up for it. Parents work full-time, children in childcare, long commutes - weekends are taken up with housework, food shopping, running kids to activities. Annual leave is taken up covering school holidays, so people don't have the luxury of booking a day off just to decompress and relax.

My mental health can be precarious, I’ve had long term leave from work due to mental health issues. In the longer term I’ve had to change my job to something less stressful (and less well paid), slow down on evening activities, limit how busy we are as a family, negotiate with my DH on things like childcare, housework and our respective leisure time. Sometimes self care is recognising that the way you live your life is unsustainable and you need to make changes. Long term we simply aren’t build to be on the go constantly - we need to stop and that might mean me and my children missing out on things that might be fun or whatever but that’s ok, we need to preserve our mental health.

karencantobe · 09/02/2020 13:30

@adaline Employers give a bit of time off, but that is all. They do not usually give paid time off because a parent is in hospital. Maybe unpaid time. But trust me as you get older you will find that you can spend a lot of time dealing with relatives taken into hospital.

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