AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

[Throwawaytheatre]

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

I don't think it's that people don't realise you need to look after your mental health..it's more that most people would see that as normal. I don't see that I have a right to go to the gym in work time to look after my physical health, so why do I have the right to a duvet day to look after mental health ?

It's all about balance though, the pp who takes a day to prevent bigger problem is totally fair, it's like an asthmatic taking a day off over a cold that other people might ignore.

using it as an excuse for laziness or lack of self care makes it harder for people to discuss and understand real problems , and probably stops people building mental resilience. Like building muscle strength mental strength needs work. Push through when you can, stop if something is broken

I'd link to to physical illness... You wouldn't take a day off for a headache, mild cold symptoms or a bit of a cough. You would probably find once at work, you would be busy or find strategies to get through the day and still be productive. But once it gets to the point you can't get out of bed, need to go to the doctors or have a contagious disease, you would.

Same with mental health. Feeling stressed, a bit anxious or low are all things you can get to work, keep busy, have a chat with a friend about and get through the day. Crippling anxiety, stress or depression which mean you can't get out of bed or get to the point of taking days off work are things to go to the doctor about.

Part of having good mental health is having resilience and strategies to get through the (to be honest very normal in every life) bad times and learn how to deal with it. Not avoiding anything vaguely painful. Life doesn't work that things are always rosy. A bad day isn't automatically mental health problem - it is life and part of having good mental health is recognising, accepting and coping with the bad times too.

Agree with this.

We all suck it up for minor physical health issues, shouldn't really be different for minor mental health issues. I'm not talking about self-harming; I'm talking about feeling a bit stressed or feeling about anxious about all the stuff one has to do, but rather than sitting down and coming up with a plan to deal with it, leaving it to everyone else to sort.

I'd give Disneygirl a serious chat and tell her it's coming out of her personal days. She's seriously taking the piss.

Considering you claim to have suffered with mh issues you are showing no empathy for others.
So it's ok for your to have mh issues, but not others. Right.

@shadowcats Mental illness is a huge problem. Weekends are supposed to be to destress. If you really have issues go to a Dr or a therapist or make changes to your lifestyle. That is how you can sometimes help prevent serious mental illness.

And yes mental illness is not uncommon. From clinical depression, bipolar, psychosis, schizophrenia, etc. Most of those people also work. Some are too ill to work though.

If you really are having to take random days off because you can't cope with work but do not have a mental illness, then you need to make changes in your life. A good friend took a lesser paid job because he found himself on the journey to work regularly contemplating suicide. The issues was not his mental health, but his job. So he made the changes.

Sometimes people do not make changes to their life, when actually that is the healthiest thing to do.

does Your company have a policy that people can take random “mental health days”? If not, I’d be disciplining the Disneyland woman - she’s clearly taking the piss unless she’d booked annual leave?

In any event, you should be managing these frequent short term absences under your capability policy

Again the judgement on what is stressful - Disney is my happy place - I’ve been lots of times and don’t find it at all stressful.

I don’t think the judgement is on someone going to Disneyland - the way I read it the person phoned in sick with poor mental health and went to Disneyland, which surely would have needed some degree of planning? So I can’t predict when I might find myself struggling with my mental health to book annual leave to accommodate that but I can predict it sufficiently to plan a trip to Disneyland at the exact time as I happen to have a mental health crisis? Utter bullshit and a way to extend your annual leave entitlement.

How many people take these last minute ad hoc, paid days off work to look after their physical health? You know, exercise and cook decent food?

A good friend took a lesser paid job because he found himself on the journey to work regularly contemplating suicide. The issues was not his mental health, but his job. So he made the changes.

So he did have mental health issues. Caused by his job

And yes mental illness is not uncommon. From clinical depression, bipolar, psychosis, schizophrenia, etc. Most of those people also work. Some are too ill to work though.

Actually people with schizophrenia have chronically high unemployment rates. I believe current estimates are that only 15% have paid employment. Likewise those with bipolar usually have higher rates of unemployment than the general population although not as high as schizophrenia.

And yes mental resilience is like a muscle. In the same way to have good physical health you have to exercise beyond the level of what is physically easy, to build good mental health you have to do things that are not easy mentally.

If you work as a bricklayer and get a bad back from the weight and bending, is it your physical health that is a problem or is it that it's the wrong job for you?

Surely the same applies to mental health.

Yes, if everyone is leaving all the time, that's time for health and safety to get involved, industry regulations etc, but if it's just some people, that's just life. Despite what children's tv says,you can't always be anything you want

YDNBU OP. Our younger generation are a bunch of fragile snowflakes sadly, a pathetic lot. You can't say anything without offending someone, why should we feel as though we are walking on eggshells!? These alleged Mental Health Days are simply an excuse to be off work and are absolute bullshit IMO. If you are that "depressed" you can't handle work then quit/find a more suitable job/get some Prozac and stop letting down your management and teammates. Our younger generation make me worry for our future. The world is a different place these days and it's not good.People are far self obsessed these days - generation snowflake. Did people who lived through the wars in this country need mental health days

^ what bollocks.
Most people saying this are a generation who cannot stand homosexuality and anyone isn't white. Maybe look at your own snowflake views.
And no. People who lived through wars suffer (not all) from PTSD. And commit suicide.

I absolutely agree with MH days. If you have had such a bad day you cannot face the thought of being in work the next day. What's the problem with being off sick (too late to book annual leave)? Would you rather that person forces themselves to go in. Stress migraines. Cries at their desk.

I'd rather that person took a day out. Before it gets worse.
People deal with things differently.

@adaline He was reacting perfectly normal to a shit situation. The job was unhealthy. As soon as he left it he was fine.

Some things are environmental and rather than trying to find ways to cope with it, we need to if we can make changes to our life.

Our younger generation are a bunch of fragile snowflakes sadly, a pathetic lot.

@TryingToBeBold You just lost the Internet. What a horrible, inaccurate thing to post.

my annual leave is entirely used for my holidays frankly, and split with DH to look after the kids.

But you chose to have kids! If all parents took the view that annual leave was just for hols, and other things merit mental health days, duvet days, etc. this country would grind to a halt! You are PAID to be at work for certain days and hours. Why should the rest of us carry you because you've made certain lifestyle choices?

Abuse of the sickness system is bad enough without encouraging people to take days off when they just don't feel like working. It also means less sympathy and support for the genuinely sick.

@adaline He was reacting perfectly normal to a shit situation. The job was unhealthy. As soon as he left it he was fine.
Contemplating suicide is not a normal reaction.

Of course people need to take care of their MH.

OP is referring to something else: employees taking the piss. Why she hasn't talked to them, recorded it, as an initial disciplinary issue and referred to it to occupational health herself, I have no idea!

Feeling low or sad doesn’t mean you have depression, feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’ve got an anxiety disorder, feeling stressed may be a perfectly appropriate emotional response to your circumstances. Every negative feeling doesn’t equate to poor mental health.

every negative feeling, no, but we know that EVERYONE suffers from depression at some point. Suffering from constant stress over a long time is a problem.

Dismissing the poor mental health of people who drag themselves and keep going despite suffering is not helping anyone. Their condition is just as valid as someone who refuses to get out of bed. They are just entitled to a "mental day" than others, that's the issue.

@FormerlyFrikadela01 Yes you are right I should not have included schizophrenia, employment is estimated to be 8%. Although for diagnosed bipolar it is estimated to be between 40-60% of people in work. But actually I have just checked Bipolar UK who say for lifelong bipolar it is only 21%. I had no idea it was so low. I do know several people with life long bipolar who work full time, so my anecdotal experience had led me to believe employment rate is higher than it is.

no, but we know that EVERYONE suffers from depression at some point

Utter rubbish.

@FormerlyFrikadela01 I kind of think it is a normal reaction. Maybe I have a skewed sense of normal as someone with mental health problems. But I don't think it is unusual for people in shit situations to think about suicide. Thinking about it is a very long way from making plans, and then from actually attempting it.

Genuinely appalled by some of these comments. Much along the lines of "pull yourself together" and "cheer up". Dear god, I thought there was a better understanding of mental health these days.

But these comments will be coming from people with good mental health or good coping mechanisms for poor mental health.

In what way us mental health mis understood?

I think this “snowflake” problem with the younger generation is frankly our fault anyway.

We told them how special they were; how they could achieve anything. We tried not to shout at them and instead praised positive behaviour. We gave out certificates and trophies for participation. We allowed them early access to a world where everyone else looks perfect (filters) with edited lives. A world with instant gratification. We spoon fed them through their GCSEs to raise school performance. We spoon fed them through A levels. We provided everything for them. We didn’t make them get jobs until they are older teens. We told them that each and every person was precious, capable and would make a difference.

Then they hit adulthood and we send them out into a world where they are told ‘you aren’t special’; ‘there are no prizes for coming in last’, ‘instant gratification doesn’t exist and you have to work harder for longer’ and ‘by the way, we aren’t going to praise you for what we’re paying you to do’.

No wonder they can’t cope.

karencantobe
I didnt realise it was so low for bipolar. I look at my patients (primarily schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders) and I honestly dont know how any of them could hold down long term employment without a seriously understanding employer. Even medicated some have the odd bad couple of days here and there.

It's always hard to say who really needs help, and who's taking the piss, unfortunately, as mental health can be invisible in many ways.

I think mental health days should certainly be available, BUT, not just at the drop of a hat. Follow up meetings should be required with HR, and a limit on the number of MH days off without a doctor's note.

People with MH issues should indeed be supported, but sadly a lot of skivers have just seen this as a way of getting a bit of extra time off, and possibly a long weekend.