AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

[Throwawaytheatre]

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

No feeling stressed or low in response to life events is not like a migraine. It is more like achy muscles after the day before being more active than usual. Or shivering because you are cold. It is a normal response to everyday events. Not an illness.

If you can't do your job because of how you feel, then of course you ring in. But it is not a mental illness.

I do think some people fill their weekends too full as well. If you are struggling you may need to do less at weekends and take it easier. Or of you are over tired you may need to do less at the weekends. Rushing around from activity to activity is not always good for people.

It shouldn't be allowed, it's called annual leave or if you are ill, sick leave.

I think all the examples the OP has given are taking the piss

The last one is mind blowing - how can you know on Sunday morning that you aren’t going to be sufficiently rested until Tuesday and all because last week was stressful 🤔

As with so many things, the piss takers ruin it for those in genuine need

@Shadowcats Honestly a lot of older people would never work in that case. Most people with chronic illnesses spend most of the time not feeling physically well. They do just have to get on with it.
The same if your life is difficult. You do just have to get on with it or not work at all.

Why would MH be any different to that?

Because MH problems are invisible, so it's easily brushed under the carpet. It's an "Oh, Jane looks fine so she must be fine" kind of thing.

All us can been completely, mentally well or be on the other side and hit rock bottom.
This is simply not true. Rock bottom would be sectioned in a mental hospital. Few people hit rock bottom. What you mean is we all have felt the spectrum of human emotions from happy to very depressed. But even that is not true.

Hmm... yes and no. You're right that some people really do wake up and feel unable to go to work. If I wasn't on medication, that would probably happen to me. And in that case, they do deserve the time off. After all, mental health is still health.

That said, going to Disneyland is definitely not a prescribed treatment for mental health issues if I am physically able to get myself up and out the house, then I'm going to work.

Of course all of us can hit rock bottom. Severe MH can affect anybody.

Everyone gets tired and stressed. What I find really hard to deal with is everything has a label so you can't just be a bit stressed, you now have anxiety. You can't be nervous or just feel down without depression being banded about. I think it takes away from the people who do suffer and who do struggle to get out of bed everyday. Having a mental health break and going to Disneyland takes the piss. I do think it's the younger generation though. I'd never dream of phoning in to work and saying I've not recovered from the weekend. Wtaf?! I'm surprised your HR department allow it, although I am aware that some employers are scared of the mental illness sick leave and are hesitant to actually do anything.

@adaline No I don't think everyone at my workplace is happy. Just as I don't think everyone at my workplace feels physically well. I know one person in my workplace has clinical depression, has time off sick, and also has days in work where she is obviously struggling. Just as I know people in my workplace struggling with physical health problems that are ongoing.

There is a difference between not being well enough to come into work, and not feeling physically or mentally totally okay but still able to work.

Can you refer the person who went to Disneyland to HR?

@Shadowcats Yes in theory everyone can find themselves sectioned in a psychiatric ward. In reality it happens to a small proportion of the population.

I worked with a woman who took an entire week off work because she broke up with her boyfriend confused.

I once worked with someone who, in the space of three years, was off for five weeks with 'stress' when she split from her husband, took a couple of weeks off whith 'stress' when her son left home suddenly, took a week off when she was getting remarried, was off for three months wuth 'stress' when that marriage went south'
We were teachers, nothing happened during the school holidays though, even her second wedding!

No wonder MH remains such an issue. The attitudes towards it in this thread are appalling.

@ballsdeep I agree. If you are too depressed to get into work, you can not manage a trip to Disneyland. In all honesty a trip to Disneyland is a stressful thing to do that would take more personal resources for many people than going into work.

As someone who's suffered from "mild" depression for more than 20 years I have always taken one or two mental health days per year, but I don't call them that. Often I'll lie and claim a migraine or something like that because I know that lots of people think this way.
Over the years I've had three periods where I've had to be signed off work - once for four months for depression. As a result I've become good at realising when I'm approaching the "tipping point" and I'll take a day off for self care, will get myself back to the Drs to adjust medication and the majority of the time this will be enough to maintain my mental health and keep me in work.
People still don't seem to realise that even if you're not mentally ill, you still need to look after your mental wellbeing like you would your physical wellbeing.

It makes me laugh when old people complain about the “yoof” not being about to hack it. These are your kids. If they can’t hack it it’s because you and your peers didn’t teach them how to.

You've basically given an anecdote about one CF abusing mental health allowance and are using it to condemn a whole workforce. YADBU.

And @AlexaAmbidextra hi dear, you first 😘

@HarryElephante I suspect like the OP, the majority saying this is taking the piss actually have experience of mental illness. And there is a lot of stigma around actual mental illness including from young people.

I do think employers are going to have a tougher time in years to come as more young people fail to cope with ordinary life.

@BilboBercow If you are on medication and have been for years, then presumably you do have a mental illness.

I agree. If you are too depressed to get into work, you can not manage a trip to Disneyland. In all honesty a trip to Disneyland is a stressful thing to do that would take more personal resources for many people than going into work.

Doctors often recommend holidays for people suffering from MH issues. The break from reality is often just what people need.

I'm not saying that person wasn't taking the piss, though.

There is a difference between not being well enough to come into work, and not feeling physically or mentally totally okay but still able to work.

Absolutely, but you don’t need to have a diagnosable MH condition to be too mentally unwell to work. Everyone can have poor MH without it being chronic and need a day or two to refresh and pick themselves back up.

We know that early intervention is the best way to tackle all illness - including MH. Being given support and time off early has the potential to avoid long term sickness.

Do you know MH costs UK employers 35 billion per annum? It’s a huge problem and by downplaying it into ‘just feeling low’ we are avoiding tackling the real problems - why are more people suffering poor MH than before and what can we do to a) tackle that early and b) get the right support in place.

I find some of the attitudes on here appalling - I had 4 months off when I found out my dh cheated on me - it was unpaid and I offered to quit but luckily my work are incredibly supportive. I wouldn’t have been able to work productively - I tried for a couple of weeks and I couldn’t focus enough.

But I also managed nice days out / holidays too - including Disney - it was basically like PTSD - I never quite know when something will trigger complete panic and feeling like I wanted to die.

Some people would have been fine within weeks - I’m still struggling 8 months on from the revelation but getting better slowly. And until you’ve been through a situation you just don’t know how you’ll react.

Holidays are often recommended for someone off for a long with with mental illness. Going away for 3 days to Disneyland in between working is not a destress and relaxing experience. It is busy, stressful and tiring. I would find going to Disneyland for 3 days in between working far too stressful to contemplate.

Again the judgement on what is stressful - Disney is my happy place - I’ve been lots of times and don’t find it at all stressful.

I think a day off for 'me time' to look after your mental health sounds amazing.

Shame mothers can't have one. Especially when dealing daily with a child who has SEN and a baby. No sick days, physical or mental, when you're a parent are there? Yes it's your choice to have children but no one chooses to have a child with additional needs or a disability. You just have to get up each day and carry on regardless. You need to cry? Then you do it, wipe your eyes and crack on. Healthy.