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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think taking a “Mental Health Day” is a bit wanky?

429 replies

Throwawaytheatre · 09/02/2020 09:34

Honest disclaimer: I’m not trying to minimise mental illness... I’ve suffered with depression myself and attempted suicide three times since I was 16.

I work in management in a corporate environment. Over the past couple of years I’ve seen a rise in my staff (and I hate to say, it does tend to be the younger ones) taking what they call “mental health days”

Now if your mental health is so bad that you cannot get out of bed, come into work and do your job (or at least reduced duties) then you have my upmost sympathy. And when you come back, I would expect occupational health involved and a support plan to help you manage your illness.

But... you shouldn’t take a day or two off - which will have a detrimental impact on the rest of the team - just because you are bit tired or stressed. Especially as in my industry, you don’t work weekends and so are never more than five days away from your next day off.

I firmly believe that if you are capable of being in work, you should be in work. You are an adult, with contractual obligation and responsibility that you get paid to fulfil.

To further clarify; I’m talking about when members of my team call in sick for one day (often a Monday or Friday) and upon their back to work interview tell me that they were just “mentally exhausted” or “needed to recharge”, when I suggest the route of occupational health or support they don’t want that - they agree there is nothing we need to change to support them.

I had one young lady take three days sickness, go to Disneyland Paris which was plastered all over Facebook; and then upon return tell me it was a “mental health break”. She had not diagnosed condition and no intent on seeking any medical assistance she just “needed a break”

Prompted by a member of my team texting me this morning to say they will be having tomorrow off as “it’s been a stressful week, and [they] don’t feel they have fully recovered over the weekend.”

OP posts:
Ellmau · 09/02/2020 14:41

Disney woman is definitely on dubious ground. IMO she should be told to take it as nil leve, and if she can’t prove she didn’t book it at the last minute I would look at disciplinary proceedings.

lilyheather1 · 09/02/2020 14:41

Not a mental health day, but in my 6 years working where I do I've had to take three days sick leave as a result of a series of panic attacks suffered the day before. They are absolutely exhausting and often mean I don't sleep in the night.

StealthPolarBear · 09/02/2020 14:42

"
Saying that you need a full MH diagnosis to take MH days is like saying you need to have a long-term physical condition to take regular sick days."
I'd completely agree but I'm not aware anyone has said that. As for physical illnesses, symptoms without a diagnosis are fine to self certfiy surely. But you do need to be sick to take a sick day.

Kittensinmysupper · 09/02/2020 15:47

OP I doubt you will get a catalog of reasonable answers as people can't/don't read beyond the first line of an Op ...

You will get lots of replies from people with long term MH issues , diagnosed and difficult saying YABU ...

But in the context you put it... no, you are right.. it's wanky

makingmammaries · 09/02/2020 19:01

My employer has a rule that if you’re on sick leave you can’t leave the area without permission. That would stop Disney woman in her tracks.

Shadowcats · 09/02/2020 19:19

My employer has a rule that if you’re on sick leave you can’t leave the area without permission. That would stop Disney woman in her tracks.

They are not on bail. They are sick. That’s shocking that would be allowed. I’m pretty sure that’s a tribunal in the making (imagine someone with off sick with a terminal illness being asked to seek permission to go to a family gathering).

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2020 19:19

My employer has a rule that if you’re on sick leave you can’t leave the area without permission. That would stop Disney woman in her tracks.

How on earth is that enforceable? That sounds utterly ludicrous.

EverSeenTheQueen · 09/02/2020 19:33

Just to throw another perspective into the mix, could it be that for these people a ‘mental health day’ is a socially acceptable, sanitised way of managing what might be acute anxiety and/or depression (both incredibly common)?

Typically, people might not want to draw attention to or share details of mental health issues. However ‘mental health day’ is a cover-all that indicates the nature of the issue without necessitating sharing of what might be for some quite intimate issues.

Like doing some exercise, meditating, talking to someone, etc., a day's respite could perhaps be another effective tool in heading a depressive episode off at the pass. I don’t think depression is necessarily an “either you’ve got it or you haven’t” sort of thing.

I’ve only started to hear this term recently, likewise by younger people. I can only suppose the alternative would be a made up illness (migraine, v&d).

adaline · 09/02/2020 19:58

My employer has a rule that if you’re on sick leave you can’t leave the area without permission. That would stop Disney woman in her tracks.

I'm pretty sure that's illegal Hmm

BilboBercow · 09/02/2020 20:01

Karen I didn't say I don't at times have poor mental health. Im entirely functioning and very few people know but as stated I've had low level depression for years. we all have mental health. It's time people recognise that prioritising our mental health is every bit as important as physical health. If others, as I do need to take the occasional, "mental health day" to do that then I'm all for it.

GabsAlot · 09/02/2020 21:19

I have mh and even i think people jump on this on use as an excuse to have a sicxky when theres nothing wrong

always tends to be on the weekend doesnt it

ooooohbetty · 09/02/2020 21:29

'Sure, some people may take advantage of it, but I would wager the vast majority don't'

I'd wager the vast majority do. If you want a day off for your mental well being take a days annual leave. That's what it's for. Having time off work.

MyNewBearTotoro · 09/02/2020 21:48

I agree there are probably people who jump on the bandwagon and use mental health days as an excuse, but I’d wager these are the same people who would be using migraine/ upset stomach/ bad cold/ bad back etc as an excuse for the odd day off.

Ultimately if someone feels too unwell to manage coming into work it doesn’t matter if that’s due to a physical or mental health issue or whether it’s due to a short term spate of ill health or a long term/ chronic health issue. Equally if somebody is trying to get an extra day off when they don’t really need one it doesn’t matter if they’re using mental or physical health as an excuse - it’s no worse to say you’re having a day off for your mental health than for a cold if you’re exaggerating your symptoms.

Some of your colleagues sound like cheeky fuckers who are taking days off when they’re probably not justified to do so, the fact they’re using mental health as their excuse is irrelevant if you have reason to suspect they’re not really unwell. As a workplace I suspect you need to tighten up your sickness policies and make sure people who are routinely taking days off sick when they actually don’t really fancy coming in are pulled up on it.

Itwasntme1 · 09/02/2020 21:58

In my experience, mental health cannot be alleviated by a single day off.

I agree this minimising the real life impacts of mental health.

No real issue of work wants to give extra leave in the form of a couple of rest days, or Dover days. Just don’t call them mental health days.

GrolliffetheDragon · 09/02/2020 22:26

@09BeyondMyWits I had a job like that once. Had to leave as it was damaging my mental health. So I didn't break down in work, instead I struggled against the urge to self harm, was a complete cow to people who cared about me, spent many evenings sobbing, and then came to the realisation that I could leave. Of course I had to have the support of the people I'd been awful to, but luckily they could see the state I was in and realised that the job was really exacerbating things.

DdraigGoch · 09/02/2020 22:37

All good and well saying use annual leave but some of us work in industries where you cant just randomly book annual leave whenever you please.

Pretty sure that you cannot just book trips to Disneyland (hotels, flights et al) whenever you please without paying through the nose. I'd like to bet that she booked them a long time in advance.

MyNewBearTotoro · 09/02/2020 22:47

Of course mental health cannot be alleviated by a single day off, but like lots of chronic conditions mental illnesses can flare up. Somebody treating their depression may be fairly stable and symptom free most days but may still have the odd day when things are too much and they can’t cope with going in to work. Things may have settled again after a day or two to be able to go back to work and the illness may not flare up again for many weeks or months.

That said I do agree that the real life impact of mental health is being somewhat diluted in some workplaces which focus on supporting good mental health through talking, wellbeing, rest days etc but don’t usually have robust support in place for people with actual mental illness. Mental wellbeing and health is important but I think the way everybody is encouraged to think about their mental health can leave people who’ve had a few stressful days or been a bit anxious feeling entitled to the same support as those with diagnosed mental illnesses going through a mental health crisis.

Quetiapina · 09/02/2020 22:53

I'm severely mentally ill. I was medically retired from teaching in my early 30s and spend a lot of time in psychiatric hospital.

What I want from Mental Health and Disability days is a great big March/ push with lots of leaflets, colour and special flags with music.

Like LGB but for disabled and mental people. I also want the police to wear our badge and not accidentally kill anymore ill people with takers and bad holds.

Companies should pay for this by being Disability washed like with Rainbow washing.

Those are some of my requirements.

Itwasntme1 · 09/02/2020 22:56

Let’s call them well-being days 😊.

bringincrazyback · 09/02/2020 23:06

Did people who lived through the wars in this country need mental health days?

I suspect they did need them, probably more than a lot of people need them nowadays. It just wasn't an option. And personally I think for many people back then, their mental health was probably a lot poorer because of the greater pressures they faced, they just didn't talk about it because the only reply would have been 'pull yourself together'. Do we really want to go back to that philosophy?

JosefKeller · 09/02/2020 23:21

I'd wager the vast majority do. If you want a day off for your mental well being take a days annual leave. That's what it's for. Having time off work.

again, most people don't have enough annual leave for that!

PorpentinaScamander · 09/02/2020 23:21

@Disfordarkchocolate

Sorry to hear you've had such a hard time. I've experienced similar.

Went to the dr and explained my depression was coming back. The locum I saw wouldn't prescribe me anything. Made another appointment. Saw the practice nurse who couldn't prescribe anything. Didn't feel able to take (any more) time off work and ended up having some kind of mini break down. I've been off for nearly a year now and am on the verge of losing my job. Im on regular medication and often have to take an extra dose as PRN if I'm going anywhere.

Missanneshirley · 09/02/2020 23:30

Apologies if someone has said this,i have skimmed some of this long thread, but in certain jobs you can't can't book or take annual leave, but just have to take it when it comes. Dh and I are in teaching/emergency services,so both have a very decent annual leave allowance but with absolutely no flexibility involved at all.

DdraigGoch · 09/02/2020 23:39

Any medical practitioner will tell you that you need to practice self care when suffering from MH. Not hide up under the covers obsessing over how you are feeling. Going on holidays, seeing friends, doing things that make you feel happy. It’s all recommended.

@Shadowcats my employer specifically encourages you to get away if you are involved in a fatality. Even so, I'd be very surprised if Disney woman really did have a flare up, phone in, grab her passport and board a flight. She had obviously been planning to throw a 'sickie' some time in advance.

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 01:09

No people who went to the world war did not take mental health days. The philosophy was not to dwell on negative things. So most men who fought in the trenches or who were in horrific prisoner of war camps never spoke to their family about it.
The exception was those with PTSD, then called shell shock. They did have psychiatric treatment.

Personally I think focusing too much on negative things you cannot change can make you worse in the long run. Although never talking about it is the opposite extreme.