Husband waking me up

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Hi - I work , husband works , Saturdays we ( like a lot of people ) have football early for DS1 then afternoon for DS2 . I would like a lie in on Sunday mornings . Just till about 9 ish . Our children are old enough to get up , go downstairs and watch TV/ get their own breakfast / read . DH is not the best sleeper and Wales periodically through the night as is normal for him . He then , when he deems it a suitable time ie 715am ( 45 mins after my in the week get up time ) he ALWAYS wakes me up. AIBU to expect him to let me sleep in just for a bit even if he is awake ? Or am I being completely unreasonable ? I am prepared to be flamed but I assure you I am not lazy person and I am seeking genuine opinions . Many TIA

Op tell him it is not HIS decision how YOU spend YOUR Sunday, if he doesn't want to waste a minute of it then he can get up and out with DCs, to the park or somewhere for breakfast and leave you to your lie in.

You are an adult and will make your own choices, let him know firmly.

Also alternate Saturday morning sports.

Op he is being very, very selfish at best.

God that sounds annoying! It's one day a week,he should let you sleep. I'm generally an early riser (less so now I'm pregnant) and I enjoy an hour on my own before DS wakes up, then an hour snuggling on the sofa watching cartoons with DS while DH has his lie in. I wouldn't dream of waking him up. 9am is usually when I send DS in to jump on him (as we normally have some kind of plan and need to get going), but today he's still asleep as we've got a PJ day planned.

Bollocks to that OP! He's changed the story! First it was his anxiety, now it's family? Ask him where you & your needs comes on his hierarchy.

He's literally forcing you to behaving how he wants. Controlling & deeply unattractive.

Ffs - Watching the kids eat cereal & watch CITV is not 'quality time'. It's a manipulative mind trick to get you to toe the line.

What utter crap- why was he still in bed at half eight then?

Tell him- do not wake me up. You’re allowed to sleep until you’re ready to get up- your children don’t need you early morning and your need for sleep outweighs his need for company.

He can go and spend time with his children instead of waking you.

Not "moral high ground", emotional blackmail. You are an adult who can choose their own bedtime and your children are not suffering because they get to have an hour's tv time on a Sunday morning.

How else does he try to control you?

He wanted family time so promptly went back to bed?
This does not make any sense.
Is he controlling in other ways? I cannot imagine anyone reasonable doing this.
Oh and he can get to fuck with his #makingmemories shite.
HTH

Nope!

Smother him with a pillow. Chuck him out the window.

Then go back to bed.

When I read your OP I had a bet with myself that the reason he woke you up was so that he could TALK ABOUT HIMSELF for ages and lo and behold:

he has been awake on and off and is bored/anxious/wants to talk

Precious family time, my arse. He wants you to be the audience whilst he goes on about ME ME ME MY ANXIETEEEEEE WHY ISN’T EVERYTHING THE WAY I WANT IT TO BE WHY WON’T EVERYBODY DO WHAT I SAY.

Selfish man child. I see that he also wants you to go to bed earlier, sacrificing the bit of time you have to yourself after DC go to bed, to better fit in with HIS wishes.

Only time id accept being woken up earlier than necessary would be if dh fancied a quickie before ds woke up and even then it would be iffy.I love my sleep.

My husband knew better than to try that. I preferred sleep. 😁 He used to ‘lie in’, until 8am, at the weekend, then sneak out of bed. He’d potter around tidying up, watch tv, cuddle the dog and wait until I crawled out of my pit, to appear like some half drunk, cave woman. Then he’d put a big delicious fry on. One of the very many reasons I loved that man to pieces.

Everytime I pick up MN at the moment I'm just left wondering why women tolerate such despicable behaviour from their partners and why seemingly intelligent women cant see what cunts these men are when it is so blatantly obvious from their behaviour.
OP, your DH is not your Dad and you are not 6 years old. It is absolutely none of his business if you want to stay up late on a Saturday. And the excuse about precious family time is bullshit as he woke you up then stayed in bed himself. Stop pandering to him and get the rest you need.

his answer was - if you are tied u need to go to bed earlier . And the reason he wakes me up is because he literally doesn't want to waste any precious family time on a Sunday by lieing in .

You are so under-reacting to this, OP.

And no, he doesn’t have the moral high ground, much as he might think so.

You are an autonomous adult. YOU decide when you go to bed and wake up. YOU decide your own trade off of rest/recovery/sleep time against family time. Your are entitled to a lie in. You are entitled to stay up late and lie in if you wish.

Read those words again, and let them sink in.

It’s all bollocks anyway, as is obvious by the fact he’s lying in bed still, rather than having ‘family time’ (sanctimonious prick).

I can tell you this, I would have gone nuclear the first time it happened. It would only have happened once. In the nicest possible way, OP, grow a backbone and sort this out once and for all.

I bet he dictates what happens in other areas too, rather than negotiate, compromise, and consider your needs and views. He does, doesn’t he?

have you got a spare bedroom or spare bed? Send him there.

Even my kids know not to wake me up unless they really need something.

Dont just be "cross" be fucking livid.Hes out of order.

I can tell you this, I would have gone nuclear the first time it happened
Exactly this. Most people would have stamped this out from the very start. Now he's been getting away with it and thinks he can carry on. You need to read him the riot act OP.

And yet right now he is still in bed and you are up feeding the kids etc. Fuck that OP. He doesn't get to tell you when you can sleep. If you want to lie in you do it and he doesn't wake you up. He needs to be told.

i'd go ballistic.

my DH would do this exactly once.

its not up to your Dh to tell you at what exact hours you have to get rest, does he even realise how awful his suggestion of going to bed earlier is? does he also tell you at what times to eat?

I would reestablish firm boundaries if i was you.

if you are tied u need to go to bed earlier . And the reason he wakes me up is because he literally doesn't want to waste any precious family time on a Sunday by lieing in .

But he stayed in bed, so he's a massive fucking hypocrite.

What he really means here is that he wakes you up so that you can get up and do everything so he doesn't have to.

OP, sad to say, I think you're married to an arsehole. Same for TinyPaws, it's not acceptable for someone to wake either of you in these ways for these reasons.

TinyPaws I'd give serious consideration to the rest of your relationship. Are you seeing similar selfish behaviour at other times?

Tell him it's your time to waste and it isn't up to him to decide what you do with it. Tell him that if he wakes you up again, you will be divorcing him. He's a passive aggressive selfish controlling piece of shit.

I think 'precious family time' involved having a lie in.
Your husband is unreasonable.

I absolutely hate people who feel they have to wake you up just because they are / they don’t want morning sleep so why should you, etc. So selfish!

Sleep cycles are different and for some of us , the lie in part is the only really refreshing part of sleep. And also wtf? Your kids are old enough to sort themselves so why do you need to get up?

My Dad is a morning person and my Mum not, so the thing he did when we were little was to be the one who got up early on weekends.

Why can't he stay up later if waking up earlier than you is so difficult for him? Why do you have to fall in line with his timeframe? He sounds like a dick - I would be furious if I was denied a lie-in by somebody who was a) awake anyway b) did it to suit their own selfish needs and c) lied about why they were doing it and went back to bed leaving me to deal with the morning routine!

What a fuckwit. You deserve better OP.

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme he doesn’t get to dictate your bed time and wake time. Who does he think he is?

Also, if he’s so concerned about maximising family time, why the fuck did he go back to bed?

He’s a selfish prick. I’m so cross on your behalf.

I have anxiety, I get up and leave my husband to sleep.

Your husbands being unfair, when I am too anxious to sleep I put on an audiobook to take my mind off things while I sit on the sofa. I talk to him in the morning if I'm still anxious. How can you be supportive when you're tired?

I’m generally a good-tempered person, but if I am woken unnecessarily I feel like biting the waker’s head off. No one has the right to wake you if you don’t need to get up!

I'd be going absolutely mental. What an absolutely selfish arse.

You are allowed to sleep. Tell him to fuck off