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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband waking me up

156 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 08:11

Hi - I work , husband works , Saturdays we ( like a lot of people ) have football early for DS1 then afternoon for DS2 . I would like a lie in on Sunday mornings . Just till about 9 ish . Our children are old enough to get up , go downstairs and watch TV/ get their own breakfast / read . DH is not the best sleeper and Wales periodically through the night as is normal for him . He then , when he deems it a suitable time ie 715am ( 45 mins after my in the week get up time ) he ALWAYS wakes me up. AIBU to expect him to let me sleep in just for a bit even if he is awake ? Or am I being completely unreasonable ? I am prepared to be flamed but I assure you I am not lazy person and I am seeking genuine opinions . Many TIA Flowers

OP posts:
HuggedTheRedwoods · 09/02/2020 09:41

Have you enough rooms for separate bedrooms? If yes, I'd be thinking about going down that route and if not, considering it for a future move. If he wakes regularly in the night too you both could do with your own space (but he's still a selfish knob for waking you to get up).

GrumpyHoonMain · 09/02/2020 09:41

what the hell? I am breastfeeding and DH will still give me a lie in. You need to lay down the law here or sleep in a separate lockable room

Flibbitygibbit · 09/02/2020 09:45

My ex was like this. We'd take turns for a lie in at the weekend but funnily enough he'd sleep through his turn. Twat .

daisychain01 · 09/02/2020 09:47

Im glad he's your ex @Flibbitygibbit how horrible is that x

muddledmidget · 09/02/2020 09:48

I would go in now and tell him he needs to get up because you need help with xyz due to being tired after being woken up earlier than you needed to be up. Then I would sit down this afternoon and explain to him that while you appreciate he has trouble sleeping and has anxiety, he is an adult and is responsible for managing these himself between the hours of 10pm and 10am unless it is a true emergency and that his nighttime wailings (I have a husband who does this too) are also impacting on your ability to sleep through the night. If he still cannot appreciate that you need sleep to function then I would be putting him on the sofa/in the spare room overnight because there are some things that cannot be helped, but some people are just selfish knobs as well as having MH issues

C8H10N4O2 · 09/02/2020 09:49

it sounds silly but it is becoming more of an issue for me

Its not silly its exhausting. If he can't agree to take it in turns (and actually stick to that) because of his sleep problems then he needs to see a doctor about the sleep issues.

Waking you up is not going to solve his problems and simply creates one for you.

LEELULUMPKIN · 09/02/2020 09:50

My DH values his balls too much to try that caper with me.

Oldbutstillgotit · 09/02/2020 09:53

Who on earth thinks you are unreasonable?

happycamper11 · 09/02/2020 09:54

Even my dc 10 and 6 understand now that if they let me wake naturally I'll be more fun and less grumpy so quietly occupying themselves for an hour pays off. YADNBU OP

Oakmaiden · 09/02/2020 09:54

My husband woke me this morning to ask me what time I needed to wake up. When my alarm goes off. So not for another 30 minutes. But thanks for that.

Candyfloss99 · 09/02/2020 09:55

Why is he in bed and you're not? Did you not say in your first post that is perfectly reasonable that you could both lie in?

Tolleshunt · 09/02/2020 10:03

Why on Earth are you entertaining this?

How come you haven’t torn him a new one and stopped it?

He is an adult and needs to learn to regulate his own emotions. Sit him down and explain that a) he’s being incredibly selfish and it STOPSs NOW and b) if his MH issues are so bad he can’t function like an adult, and they are impacting others, he needs to start taking action to get them resolved TODAY.

No more pussyfooting around, OP. Get it sorted today.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 10:03

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily That she didn't mean to wake me up, she just wanted to relax with the blinds open (they are roman blinds and very noisy when being opened/closed, also I struggle to sleep when it's light). Yesterday she also wanted to talk to me and cuddle me. That all of this resulted in me being awake when I didn't want to be was apparently a completely unforseen side effect.

That sounds very cruel and I’m genuinely concerned that she’s setting up a pattern of control, now that you’re pregnant. She KNOWS that she’s going to waken you. You know this! Abuse and control often starts during a woman’s pregnancy and gets worse when the baby is born. Please don’t dismiss the possibility that she isn’t going to take advantage of your more vulnerable state and the fact that you probably now feel more bound to her, by having a baby together. Take care of yourself and never feel that you deserve this kind of treatment, because no one does. You also don’t owe someone a relationship, because you have a baby together.

river90 · 09/02/2020 10:04

My husband use to do this to me until I told him in no uncertain terms not too. Some people just don't respond to the softly softly approach and you just need to tell them outright to pack it in.

Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 10:05

Tinypaws Flowers sorry to hear that XX horrid no wonder u are cross xx many thanks everyone . Have just come down stairs after I went in and talked with him - explained again that I was a bit cross about it and his answer was - if you are tied u need to go to bed earlier . And the reason he wakes me up is because he literally doesn't want to waste any precious family time on a Sunday by lieing in . So moral high ground then . I could go to bed earlier but I genuinely like to have an hour or so to ourselves after children go to bed. If I went to bed early every night I would have no time to myself or just me and DH if that makes sense . I know it's not a huge print in the grand scheme of things so will attempt to find a resolution Smile thank you so much fellow MNetters xxxx

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 10:05

wonders if OP isn’t back, because she’s making her manchild a big breakfast....or she’s currently burying him under the patio.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 10:05

Oops. 😁

Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 10:06

Totally - very tempting Wink

OP posts:
T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 10:08

Why the fuck did he stay in bed, then? He really is doing a number on you, OP! Are you actually buying that bullshite? Why the fuck didn’t he go downstairs, make breakfast for the kids and bring you something nice, if he genuinely wanted family time. Oh! I’m silently screaming! 😡

Hillfarmer · 09/02/2020 10:11

Did you actually tell him he needs to Stop doing it?

FinallyHere · 09/02/2020 10:11

bored/ anxious / wants to talk

Goodness, the selfishness required to think that his needs trump yours to catch up on sleep. I might ask him once to explain and maybe let him work out some alternatives but thereafter I would be furious and make sure he knew it.

it sounds silly

Nothing silly about it to me. I would take it very seriously indeed. Is it really anxiety, GP grade anxiety or is he more bored.

an anxious bad sleeper ,

Who is in bed sleeping, while having got you up and now leaving you to make breakfast for the family. I'm very sorry OP ... this is sounding worse and worse.

And the reason he wakes me up is because he literally doesn't want to waste any precious family time on a Sunday by lieing in

Wait, what? How does that work when he goes back to bed while you do breakfast ?

. I know it's not a huge print in the grand scheme of things

It is. It really is. Have you perhaps been minimising it for some time? I'm honestly not sure what to suggest. There will be someone alone in a moment with better ideas.

Freddiefox · 09/02/2020 10:12

Horribly selfish. Is this the only mean thing he does? I bet it isn’t

This in bucket loads. Your husband a controlling, selfish bully

CodenameVillanelle · 09/02/2020 10:12

Tell him to fuck off. He's being controlling and horrible. If he carries on doing it then start sleeping separately preferably in a separate house

PrincessHoneysuckle · 09/02/2020 10:12

Only time id accept being woken up earlier than necessary would be if dh fancied a quickie before ds woke up and even then it would be iffy.I love my sleep.

happycamper11 · 09/02/2020 10:13

And the reason he wakes me up is because he literally doesn't want to waste any precious family time on a Sunday by lieing in . So moral high ground then .

Except he's still in bed so that's bollocks. Enraged on your behalf for that OP