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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband waking me up

156 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 08:11

Hi - I work , husband works , Saturdays we ( like a lot of people ) have football early for DS1 then afternoon for DS2 . I would like a lie in on Sunday mornings . Just till about 9 ish . Our children are old enough to get up , go downstairs and watch TV/ get their own breakfast / read . DH is not the best sleeper and Wales periodically through the night as is normal for him . He then , when he deems it a suitable time ie 715am ( 45 mins after my in the week get up time ) he ALWAYS wakes me up. AIBU to expect him to let me sleep in just for a bit even if he is awake ? Or am I being completely unreasonable ? I am prepared to be flamed but I assure you I am not lazy person and I am seeking genuine opinions . Many TIA Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 08:32

Just to make it worse - right now I am in kitchen sorting kids' breakfast and dog and posting on here obvs, and he is still in bed . Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 09/02/2020 08:34

Ok - fair enough everyone. He is an anxious bad sleeper , maybe I need to be much more direct with him . Obviously he is entitled to want a lay in too so perhaps I will go discuss taking it in turns Smile

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 09/02/2020 08:34

Why get up early today?

hopeishere · 09/02/2020 08:34

Just go back to bed. DH gets up early and wakes me in the process but I just stay in bed.

Twotinydictators · 09/02/2020 08:34

YADNBU and your latest post sounds incredibly suffocating. If he can't wait an hour or two for you by himself on a Sunday morning, that sounds like a much larger issue than the lie-in situation! You'd think we were discussing a 9 year old...

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/02/2020 08:34

My anxiety wakes me up randomly in the middle of the night on a regular basis, I’ve never woken DH up because of it.

He’s being really selfish and unkind and you need to lay it out really clearly - do not wake me the fuck again unless there’s an actual emergency. I’m exhausted and need some bloody sleep!

Also could you alternate who does the boys football so you could lie in some Saturdays?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 08:35

Well lie fool you, for pandering to this bloody arse, OP. He is completely playing you. I’d get the vacuum cleaner out and head straight into the bed with it. When he starts whining, I’d tell him that the lack of sleep has made you too anxious to sit still.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 08:36

*more fool you..

BuffaloCauliflower · 09/02/2020 08:37

Get him up. If he wants you both to be awake he can be up too

MrsA2015 · 09/02/2020 08:37

Grow a backbone OP and tell him to do one. You’re the one complicating the issue here.

KidCaneGoat · 09/02/2020 08:37

Omg, I couldn’t handle that. I’d be so cross! Can’t he entertain himself for a bit in the mornings?

Oulu · 09/02/2020 08:38

he just says various things such as I am feeling anxious and I need to talk , why can't you wake up , I need you to see/hear/ watch this . Why can't you not be so cross.

None of those are valid reasons and essentially he's saying his needs have to come before yours. As for the last one, surely the answer is obvious - if he doesn't want you to be cross, he can wait till you wake up naturally.

dottiedodah · 09/02/2020 08:38

There is some scientific evidence to show that women need more sleep than men . Point this out to him .He sounds a bit weak if he needs company and cant be alone with DC even for a little while! Hormones .our Monthlies ,multi tasking and so on mean that most of us need more shut eye than DP!

Nanny0gg · 09/02/2020 08:40

Unless he has an actual mental illness he sounds pathetic.

Go and give him a taste of his own medicine!

NearlyGranny · 09/02/2020 08:41

He wakes you to talk and then HE goes back to be?! And he clearly isn't ewaking you with a cup of tea or (insert favourite beverage here).

Tell him he's needier and more demanding than the children and mustn't wake you on your Sunday off unless a) He's already called and ambulance b) he's already called the fire brigade or c) he's already called the police. If it's not a blue light emergency, he's to let you sleep. You'll be much more supportive later if you aren't short of sleep and resentful!

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 09/02/2020 08:41

This would annoy me so much I would get angry eventually. Its selfish - I agree with pp that you need to be firm with him and go back to bed.

CakeandCustard28 · 09/02/2020 08:43

I would tell him to get up since he woke you, and go back to sleep. He’s being extremely selfish, anxious or not surely he can wait a extra hour or two to talk to you?

Nogoodusername · 09/02/2020 08:43

Unacceptable. You need to tell him on Saturday night - please do not wake me up tomorrow morning, if you wake up early and want company, go downstairs with the DC, go and watch tv downstairs whatever, but do not wake me up

Iloveacurry · 09/02/2020 08:46

When it’s his lie in next time, wake him up, ‘I wanted to talk’ etc ... see how he likes it.

Bluerussian · 09/02/2020 08:48

You're not at all unreasonable, everyone is entitled to a lie in when they're not at work. Not just Sunday either, I'd take it in turns to ferry your DC1 to football on Saturday mornings and when it is his turn, would make it quite clear you do not wish to be woken when he gets up (or banish him to another room).

I'm sorry your husband feels anxious, he can't help that but tell him you are happy to talk and listen, just not first thing in the morning and you will hardly be receptive if you've been woken early.

Do your children like a lie in on a Sunday? Mine always did.

(What do you mean, he Wales periodically through the night? :-) )

Rezie · 09/02/2020 08:50

If your Kids are old enough to make their own breakfast and watch tv, I'm assuming your husband is too? Why cannot he talk with his kids and spend time with them?

aNonnyMouse1511 · 09/02/2020 08:53

What a knob. I’d throttle mine if he did that.

Whatifitallgoesright · 09/02/2020 08:54

Go back to bed! He must know this isn't normal. Tell him if he wakes up to do things with the already awake children to take his mind off his anxiety.

honeylulu · 09/02/2020 08:56

Ridiculously selfish. My dad does this too my mum and always has. He's a morning person (she's not) but he seems to resent people who aren't. He bullies and chastises her to get up even when she doesn't need to and really wants to sleep. To add insult to injury he has an afternoon nap while she's toiling away!

You need to be very clear and direct. Whilst he might prefer having your company when he wakes, he won't be having it at all if you divorce him!

Lucked · 09/02/2020 08:57

Ahh luckily my DH gives me lots of lies in. Pre warn him the night before. I am tired and have no need to be up so I am having a lie in in the morning please try not to disturb me.