To ask when adult teenage men / boys stop being entitled shits?

[Maskedsinger]

To my shame I have just spectacularly lost my shit with DS 19 and slapped him. It’s been a long time coming, he’s treated me like a piece of dirt on his shoe for probably the last 2-3 years. He’s had a lovely, stable upbringing, never wanted for anything - both emotional and material. Unfortunately he seems to have turned into an entitled, rude and dismissive young man who has no time for me at all unless he needs something.

He won’t look at me when I talk to him, he doesn’t listen - tonight’s row was because I’d left him a very simple instruction to put something extra in the oven for a further 10 minutes when the timer went off but instead he took all the food out.

No biggie really but he will argue white is black that I told him to do that. He laughed at me as I got increasingly upset, said I was lying and that I am a liar - you are crying because you know you are wrong etc. I know what I said and it wasn’t that. He will not take responsibility for his mistake (never has been able to say sorry very easily).
I completely lost my rag and slapped him and now I feel awful. Please tell me they grow out of this, he has everything done for him, lives in a beautiful home rent free as we are trying to allow him to save his apprenticeship salary.

Thinking about things this attitude should have been nipped in the bud much sooner, I don’t know whether to apologise as I know I shouldn’t have slapped him but I don’t want him thinking he can speak to me like shit and get away with it.

I wouldn't have had a go at him for what he did though. It was hardly crime of the century.

So domestic violence is OK if a women is sLapping her DH?

Yes that's exactly what I said, well done.
1/10 on your reading comprehension.

OK then

A more detailed question.

Is a woman hitting a man as bad as a man hitting women?

Is a small man hitting a big man as bad as a little man hitting a big man?

Is an 80 year old man hitting 25 year old women as bad as 25 year old women hitting an 80 year old man?

Once you get into discussions about relative strength then all of these options have to be thought about. Or we coud just say slapping is wrong and end it there.

So you do everything for him, he could never do wrong, you gave him everything he wanted and you're surprised he's turned out an entitled, selfish adult??

Not much you can do now apart from start treating him like an adult - charge him rent and set out expectations like you would with a lodger and if he fails to meet them, send him to live independently!

He turns a blind eye to general hostility though as I think he often feels himself I am ‘annoying’ and therefore thinks DS is entitled to feel that way too.

I see - your husband doesn't respect you and believes that men should really be in charge and get all their needs and wishes met by their women folk, so he doesn't see any problem with DS being entitled and selfish because that's how he thinks men should be anyway!

You make your son grow up.. and quickly.
Make him do his own cooking, take a portion of his salary, make him do his own washing.
Tell him if he doesn’t like it he can move out. Tell him you deserve respect.
Don’t enable him to be a man child.
Why are you still doing everything for him?
Hitting him was wrong obviously but you’ve apologised. He needs to apologise too

Maybe your DH blames you for turning his son into a prick - he might be right.

Telling him to respect you after you have hit him is not going to work.

"Respect me or I'll hit you again."

He needs to start paying rent or find that houseshare. Time for a kick into the adult world.