Sorry, another Philip Schofield one...

[UnaCorda]

I really couldn't care less about Philip Schofield's sexuality (or anyone else's) and good for him for finally being true to himself. But what makes me quite cross is all this talk of honesty and bravery, and the self-indulgent, tortured confessional in front of the nation when really it's of no importance to anyone who doesn't know him personally.

In the clip of his chat with Holly he asks repeatedly, "When is the right time?" In my opinion, the right time is before you get married to someone who believes you are straight. It's not brave, or honest, to make someone unwittingly provide you with the benefits of a heterosexual relationship, including children, so you can be viewed by the public as a "respectable family man". It's actually rather selfish.

I had a brief relationship with someone who I later discovered was gay. He didn't even have the balls to tell me directly, and it seriously screwed me up for a long time. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out your husband of 27 years is homosexual.

I'm not gay, so perhaps I am being unreasonable as I don't know what it is like to come out to friends and family (although I imagine it is easier now than it was thirty years ago) and I don't know whether PS really believed that he was in love with his wife when they got married. But I do think that leaving a duplicitous life which affects other people is not a kind or honourable thing to do and I feel very sorry for his wife and daughters who I think really have been brave.

You are absolutely correct. No one forced him to marry.

I have a closeted (at work and in most social situations) lesbian friend who constantly compares discrimination against gays and lesbians to the discrimination I face with my black skin. I do not deny that gays and lesbians face discrimination, but I always felt she had some nerve saying that to me as someone hiding her marginal status. I do not have the choice to hide my skin.

Do not tell me you share my pain when you don't.

Phil has been cowardly for most of his life. If I were gay I would be disgusted.

Press were likely to out him first and already sending threats like Gareth Thomas (press told his grandparents he was hiv positive and gay before he could)
Lots of people struggle with being gay, I’m sure his family have known a while they’ve said they support him.
Elton John married, were you all this angry about him?

If it helps someone else come out and not be scared, awesome.

I just hope that those confused about their sexuality, have the decency to tell their partners, at a very early stage of any relationship.

Oh, FGS.

It's like talking to a brick wall, these threads.

If you do not realise you are confused, how are you meant to let someone else know?

I don't know how typical I am, but I talked a lot to my ex-husband, before we started dating, while we were dating, before we got married, etc. etc. He knew I'd thought I was gay in my teens. He knew I thought I wasn't now.

I also know someone who never even vaguely realised she might be gay. She thought the way she felt about her husband was totally fine. She says she quite enjoyed the sex, FWIW. And then she fell in love with a woman. And it was totally different, and she realised it was just categorically, entirely, impossible she'd ever feel like that about a man.

But she didn't know.

So the fact she was confused about it wasn't something she could ever have shared.

If you try to talk to most straight people, they will just reassure you that you are 'normal'. They'll point out that the movies aren't real, and real relationships aren't all swooning and stars. They'll tell you if he's a decent man and a good dad then you're just expecting the grass to be greener. An alarming number of straight women will tell you 'oh, if only, I tried women but sadly I'm straight'.

PS is, and always has been, all about career. A career that has been successful, but fake. Every move I have seen is stage managed. He is such a “me me me” personality type. His media personality is nothing like what those public members who are struggling with their sexuality. My opinion of PS has nothing to do with his sexuality.

If it helps someone else come out and not be scared, awesome

Despite the fact I think it was a self-aggrandizing publicity stunt, this I agree wholeheartedly with.

I said on a thread yesterday similar to this - I was the only one in my year at school - in 2003-9 . Gay was an insult at school (ala inbetweeners etc) and because I was suspected of it I was sexually assaulted numerous times and bullied to hell and back . So you get how bad being gay would be .

Since leaving I’ve been told one other girl is married to a woman but moved 3000 miles away to do it . When I told my GP she said I was probably the only one in two villages to be openly gay . Suggested I move to central Scotland because I’d get a better life .

Rural Scotland . Very Christian area - we still get folk standing in the town centre shouting bible messages regularly . It’s not always easy, you don’t always know or let yourself think about it . I spent some fifteen years scared to sleep because I thought if I died I’d wake up in hell because I had sexual thoughts about my friend .

I did feel brave coming out - I did feel I’d done something I should be proud of , and I felt so so relieved listening to PS yesterday because my mum sat opposite me and said , isn’t it wonderful, that we can celebrate difference today .

For opening that conversation and making me feel accepted I couldn’t thank the guy more .

Agreed. Nothing ‘brave’ about coming out when you’re a London media Lovie. Very pleased he’s finally been able to tell all the people who’ve known for ages the truth...
If the rumours about the young employee turn out to be true, well, then the timings interesting....

Knowing very little about him and from what I had seen of him, I had assumed he was gay. So, when I heard on the radio yesterday that he was married with children, that was what surprised me.

@UnaCorda - if you notice, I did quite carefully point out that he seemed to think it was a happy marriage.

It is awful, and tragic, what happened with him. And I do come down on the side of thinking he was a bit of a selfish fuck, really. But my point is that even Wilde, who is the poster boy for gay, could marry a woman and seem to feel really happily married for years. It's obvious he wasn't bisexual.

Totally agree. I have been in his wife's position (nowhere near as bad I suppose. 5 years and 1 DC) and all of this talk of bravery etc has really upset me. I know it's nothing to do with me. It's not my life but I feel like my experience has been belittled if that makes sense. He chose to live a lie, his wife did not.

YY, @studentadvice.

It is shocking how many straight women on these thread are falling over themselves to declare that no one cares what your sexuality is these days, and coming out is no big deal.

We're also in a small village, and no one else is gay. We've had lovely responses but also some overt homophobia. You just do.

As a lesbian woman with an ex husband, I'd advise against confiding that in your male spouse. That way only lies "ooo, threesome" lightbulbs, imho.

It's quite sinister that a childrens TV presenter was not 100% supportive of children, even more sinister given that he's the patron of a childrens hospice.

Even giving ALL the benefit of the doubt, the young man being so enamoured with him, getting a job, then another job and then leaving(which made into the press? Hello? that's not common practise?) and then this announcement...is.....eeesh. At best.

I agree. Great he is able to be himself, however he has spent 27 years married to a woman, I cannot imagine how she must feel. The 27 years have been a lie.
I think it's just a bit mad that everyones being so lovely given that his wife must be distraught. I hope shes ok.

I agree with @thriftyhen l had no idea he was married with children. I heard he had a fling with a runner from the set of This Morning who looks like a 16 year old and had to make a statement before the press did. I've also heard the set is a toxic environment, mostly due to his behaviour.

Sarah
If you do not realise you are confused, how are you meant to let someone else know

Well I presume that if you know you are confused, then you know you are confused and you should have the decency to let your partner know you're confused.

I was not talking about people who don’t realise they are confused,

twitter.com/engelbraith/status/1226253113063084033?s=21

Hes not the only gay in the village. I'm sick of all the fuss about him and couldnt care less what or who he does. Its been obvious for years, dont insult my intelligence . At least it gives us a break from the awful royals tho.

@SpinneyHill a quick google and it appears that this has been bubbling for a while and does have a lot to do with some of the rumored falling outs...

This is where people let themselves down.

@LizzieSiddal - but you were responding to my post? You quoted it.

You seem to think it's really simple. It just isn't.

I too think that it’s designed to be damage limitation and wonder whether his coming out would have happened at all, had there not been the possibility of being outed.

I don’t care what he is, or whether he’s worried about this for ages, or whatever. I would simply prefer to see much less of him on TV and at the very least, I hope it stops the childish behaviour exhibited on This Morning.

Me too Thrifty.

Apparently it was a gofer who chased him out of the closet broom cupboard which is pretty ironic.

Yanbu

I feel sorry for the runner.

@Wereallsquare

I am mixed race and gay AND while I can’t hide my skin color, yet could hide my sexuality (I am femme), nowadays I actually get harassed WAY MORE for being a lesbian than I do for my skin color.

I can’t remember last time someone said something nasty to me about my origins but harassment for being gay AND femme is semi-constant. I date other feminine girls and guys who follow us, try to touch us, proposition us or threaten us either to rape to show us what a “good dick” can do or become aggressive because we aren’t interested and they can’t wrap their head about two women not being for their personal entertainment.

I am of the lucky ones who COULD hide their sexuality (though I refuse to) but it’s not the case of everybody, if you are a feminine boy even if you are straight you are way more likely to be targeted and harassed or assaulted on the assumption they are gay than not, same for butch lesbians (masculine looking women) who are usually on the receiving hand of more aggressive comments due to not conforming to beauty standards.

Racism and homophobia are different Kettles of fish but queer people of color are actually the biggest victims of homophobic attacks and murder (within the LGBT community) so not fully separated.

On another note, I am curious as to why you would be ”disgusted” if you were gay?