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Original poster

Sorry, another Philip Schofield one...

999 replies

UnaCorda · 08/02/2020 20:20

I really couldn't care less about Philip Schofield's sexuality (or anyone else's) and good for him for finally being true to himself. But what makes me quite cross is all this talk of honesty and bravery, and the self-indulgent, tortured confessional in front of the nation when really it's of no importance to anyone who doesn't know him personally.

In the clip of his chat with Holly he asks repeatedly, "When is the right time?" In my opinion, the right time is before you get married to someone who believes you are straight. It's not brave, or honest, to make someone unwittingly provide you with the benefits of a heterosexual relationship, including children, so you can be viewed by the public as a "respectable family man". It's actually rather selfish.

I had a brief relationship with someone who I later discovered was gay. He didn't even have the balls to tell me directly, and it seriously screwed me up for a long time. I can't imagine what it must be like to find out your husband of 27 years is homosexual.

I'm not gay, so perhaps I am being unreasonable as I don't know what it is like to come out to friends and family (although I imagine it is easier now than it was thirty years ago) and I don't know whether PS really believed that he was in love with his wife when they got married. But I do think that leaving a duplicitous life which affects other people is not a kind or honourable thing to do and I feel very sorry for his wife and daughters who I think really have been brave.

OP posts:
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DecomposingRat · 08/02/2020 20:55

It is also perfectly reasonable to assume that he wasn’t actively deceptive. I’ve known gay people lie to themselves for years because they can’t face their reality.

SqueakyBinders · 08/02/2020 20:56

My understanding is that it was an open secret in the media for a long, long time.

ginrummy1 · 08/02/2020 20:57

I agree with you op. Selling your story to The Sun is not the actions of someone who is brave

KatyCarrCan · 08/02/2020 20:57

Coming out is a big deal if you do it by way of an interview on live TV after over two decades of marriage.
He and his wife could have announced they were separating at almost any point in the last 27 years - it wouldn't have been such a big news story. Then he could have later revealed his sexuality.
We don't know if his wife knew all along. We can't comment on their relationship. But what I do think is shitty is the implication that someone coming out in this way is brave or noble because in a lot of cases when this happens, the wife hasn't known and the children are devastated, and it's the opposite of brave.
But all of this smacks of damage limitation. A bit like Kevin Spacey suddenly announcing he was gay or Jameela coming out as queer.

Looobyloo · 08/02/2020 20:58

Yes because in the year 2020 homophobia doesn't exist, people are no longer verbally or physically assaulted for being gay. Plenty of people live a lie because coming out to family and friends is very difficult, even in 2020 never mind 30 yrs ago.

I do believe he was brave unless he was forced to do it because of what was about to be said in the press. I am not a fan but just trying to understand from another point of view.

pigdogridesagain · 08/02/2020 20:58

Nothing brave about it! He was about to be outed by an ex runner on this morning that he's been having an affair with since the runner was 18. He had no choice!

Porcupineinwaiting · 08/02/2020 20:58

YABU I know 2 women who married in their 20s, had children and discovered (or realised, or admitted to themselves) that they were gay in their late 40s/early 50s. The idea that this was some sort of cowardly plot to allow them to access a "normal" life is frankly ludicrous (also quite offensive).

Youca · 08/02/2020 20:58

I agree with some aspects of what is being said on this thread. He has come across as a bit of a nasty bastard in the press in recent years (although none of us have any idea how true any of that is of course) and I strongly suspect that he outed himself because somebody else was just about to do it and it looked better if he did it on his own terms. However, even though I suspect he was pushed into it, it still takes guts to come out in the public eye in the way he did, knowing that it would result in speculation such as this.

I don’t know what he’s like as a person. He could be a complete tool. But I watched the interview he did on This Morning and the pain and the stress and the anxiety was clearly etched on his face. Whether he’s a twat or not, it was obvious for all to see that he’s been in a bad place and that this felt brave to him.

Whatsername177 · 08/02/2020 20:58

@UnaCorda I completely agree. He has deliberately hidden his sexuality whilst supporting LGBTQ rights. It's fine for others to be gay, but not me. I'm straight and 'normal'. It's not brave at all. The whole 'people aren't accepting' argument is rubbish too. Stephen Fry is considered a nation treasure and has been out and proud forever.

SnorkMaiden81 · 08/02/2020 20:58

I agree, I think he jumped before he was pushed. There'll be an expose soon.

bee222 · 08/02/2020 20:58

Some absolutely hideous comments here.
I'm guessing the people saying coming out isn't brave have never had to come out.

None of you have any clue what has been going on behind closed doors between him and his family.

mindproject · 08/02/2020 20:59

Can it really take 57 years to realise you are gay? That's a long time to be lying to yourself and everyone around you.

LizzieSiddal · 08/02/2020 21:02

The facts are that many people knew he was gay in the late 80s/90s. I’ve been told by several people who worked with him then, that he was gay.

It’s really not a surprise to many people so why he is lying to everyone stating his only just realised he was gay?

Youca · 08/02/2020 21:02

mindproject it took me 35 years to realise. And none of those 35 years were a lie. I didn’t know. There are many other people who have been in the same position.

SarahAndQuack · 08/02/2020 21:03

Hope you're ok, @youca.

FWIW, it is absolutely possible to think you're straight when you are not. The whole world conspires to tell you you must be, after all. We're always telling teenagers it's a 'phase' or a mistake (there are threads every few months where a parent explains why they think their child is just going through a phase, so it's by no means a thing of the past). A person who thought they were straight and has one relationship with a member of the same sex is 'experimenting'. A person who thought they were gay and has one relationship with a member of the opposite sex? Oh, well, they must be bisexual at the very least, or how could they even consider it.

There's a constant 'drip drip' effect of society telling you yes, you probably are straight. So I can very much see how you might confuse the delight of finding a person whose company you enjoy (and maybe, where the sex is functional), with being in love with them or being straight.

Youca · 08/02/2020 21:03

Also, yes it was an open secret in the media that he was into men and had been for many years. But he could easily have assumed that he was bisexual as I did and only come to realise that he’s gay in later years. It is not as black and white as you are making it out to be.

Silvercatowner · 08/02/2020 21:04

*Yes, he really is enjoying himself isn't he.

From the tips of his tortured little pinkies to the ends of his brave little toes!*

I don't care whether he's gay, straight or some combination. This mawkish publicity is sickening though.

LizzieSiddal · 08/02/2020 21:04

Youca unless you were in gay relationships many years ago, your situation is not the same.

Abouttimemum · 08/02/2020 21:06

So you weren’t gay for 35 years then? Or does that make you bi sexual if you’ve had happy straight relationships for 35 years? Makes zero sense.

Anyway he’s a shit regardless of his sexuality. Definitely not brave.

SarahAndQuack · 08/02/2020 21:06

Btw - and I know nothing about Schofield and do accept it may well be he's a thoroughly unpleasant man - it is absolutely possible for other people to realise you're gay before you do.

I read a really poignant comment from Ellen Page, saying that when she was starting out in films, some older man (I forget who) used to taunt her by joking about her being a lesbian. And she hadn't realised she was yet, so she found it really upsetting and hard to deal with.

LizzieSiddal · 08/02/2020 21:07

sarah he was openingly having gay relationships in the 80s!

ivykaty44 · 08/02/2020 21:07

A spouse having an affair, cheating on his spouse betraying his promises

Not brave but really rather vile to do all those things

Abouttimemum · 08/02/2020 21:08

@Youca actually I take that back after reading your update, apologies. I understand.

SarahAndQuack · 08/02/2020 21:08

So you weren’t gay for 35 years then? Or does that make you bi sexual if you’ve had happy straight relationships for 35 years? Makes zero sense.

Why not? Why would she be bisexual?

Oscar Wilde was married with children; whatever you think of the morality of cheating on your wife (and I think it's inexcusable, but I also recognise that at that time cheating on your wife with another woman would have been considered socially acceptable), he seems to have thought it was a happy marriage.

Youca · 08/02/2020 21:09

LizzieSiddal I did have relationships with women but they were short lived and my serious/long term relationships were with men. I got on really well with men. I knew how to make sex work for me with a man. I adored my husband. But I was completely blind to the fact that I had never ever felt desire for a man. Society told me that I was straight. Even the gay community told me that I was a silly girl who kissed women to turn men on because I was very feminine and back in the 90s femmes were less common. When society expects you to be straight and you
don’t recognise yourself in gay culture it’s very easy to assume that you cannot be gay.