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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you fine this "joke" funny?

101 replies

Boredbumhead · 08/02/2020 15:28

Dp and I were in town with the children. We had separated off so he could have an eye test whilst I had the children. Them we would swap so I could get a haircut. Sideline: it's my birthday. Do had just come out of a shop. There was something someone had dropped on the floor. Like a ladies scarf. He picked it up and said. "I've got you something for your birthday." I got excited as he never gets me anything for my birthday. Then he picked up the scarf off the floor and waved it at me. I told him to f off and stormed away to my haircut, very teary and feeling shit. Apparently it was 'just a joke' though he has made zero effort. Who was BU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredbumhead · 08/02/2020 15:29

Sorry for typos. Small phone and big.fingers!

OP posts:
CareBear50 · 08/02/2020 15:30

Not funny. He's a mean sod for not getting you anything for your birthday. He is out of order

MouthBreathingRage · 08/02/2020 15:30

I'm confused - are you upset because he didnt get you anything (not unreasonable), or because you thought he got you a scarf (definitely weird if not utterly unreasonable reaction on your side)?

Angie6868 · 08/02/2020 15:32

Why doesn't the mean bastard get you anything for your birthday? I'm not surprised you're upset

ShirleyPhallus · 08/02/2020 15:35

You’re a bit sensitive to overreact and storm off etc but why haven’t you had a grown up conversation with him to say how upset you are that he doesn’t buy you anything for your birthday and could he make more effort with you?

Ponoka7 · 08/02/2020 15:36

Why aren't you addressing the real issue of him not getting you anything for your birthday?

It seems that you want to get caught up in this argument to deflect the real issue.

LittleSweet · 08/02/2020 15:36

It's not a joke. He's just highlighting what a selfish person he is. Poor you. I hope your haircut has cheered you up a bit. Get yourself something nice for tea. Flowers

bugbhaer · 08/02/2020 15:38

I'm confused - are you upset because he didnt get you anything (not unreasonable), or because you thought he got you a scarf

I thought he hadn't got her anything and hadn't got her a scarf, he'd just picked one up off the floor and said that was her birthday present.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 08/02/2020 15:38

I would've laughed at that, but DH would've got me something nice for my birthday and/or taken me out somewhere, and wouldn't have booked his eye test for my birthday, more likely we'd be in town to have lunch, so it's all in the context. Your partner is an arse.

bugbhaer · 08/02/2020 15:40

You’re a bit sensitive to overreact and storm off etc but why haven’t you had a grown up conversation with him to say how upset you are that he doesn’t buy you anything for your birthday and could he make more effort with you?

Because he's a cruel, unloving shit and she's had years of conditioning and being worn down and this isn't the kind of relationship where you can talk things through with any degree of emotional intelligence?

Kaykay066 · 08/02/2020 15:40

He’s funny..not
I hope you don’t get him anything for his birthdays either. Or a big box with a pair of socks in etc. I think for some people birthdays aren’t a big deal and for others (like me they are) I like a fuss. I hope the rest of your day improves treat yourself even if it’s an bubble bath and some peace and quiet
Hope your dp has a think to himself

aroundtheworldyet · 08/02/2020 15:43

Wow that’s actually fucking awful.
He laughed in your face at his own cruelty to you.

That joke is only funny if he’d already got you something lovely. Even then it’s not really funny.

LeggyLinda · 08/02/2020 15:45

It’s a joke and normally I would say you overreacted and should’ve seen the funny side. But he doesn’t get or do ANYTHING for your birthday? That I see as a bit cruel and mean.

Perhaps you are upset about the wrong thing.

PegasusReturns · 08/02/2020 15:45

He’s horrible.

And is rubbing your face in it.

KenDodd · 08/02/2020 15:47

He doesn't get you anything for your birthday?
Not even a card and making a special dinner for you?
What a twat.

Do you do anything for his birthday?

june2007 · 08/02/2020 15:49

I would have said "haha very funy " and left it like that YABU for reading more into it.

Funkycats · 08/02/2020 15:52

He is a mean bastard and was rubbing your face in it. I'm not surprised you're upset.
Happy birthday CakeFlowers

Whatnowagnes · 08/02/2020 15:58

Go and buy yourself a lovely present with joint funds. (Assuming you're not utterly skint)

What a prick not buying you anything.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 08/02/2020 15:59

Why doesn't he give you a birthday present?

dayowl · 08/02/2020 16:02

Why doesn’t he get you a present?

lazylinguist · 08/02/2020 16:04

This joke would be fine if it weren't for the fact that he never gets you anything for your birthday. Why doesn't he?

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 08/02/2020 16:06

Your post is very confusing. What does the haircut/eye test have to do with it?
are you trying to say that your DH didn’t get you anything for your birthday and then taunted you by pretending a scarf that someone dropped on the floor was your present? Is that it?

If so, yes he’s an arse.

squeekums · 08/02/2020 16:12

I would've laughed at that, but DH would've got me something nice for my birthday and/or taken me out somewhere, and wouldn't have booked his eye test for my birthday, more likely we'd be in town to have lunch, so it's all in the context. Your partner is an arse

This exactly, all about context
id find it funny, id say the same to dp but we do stuff for each other birthday. We get proper gifts, go out for dinner, make a cake with dd. This year we will be on holiday in QLD at a fancy resort

in your situation op, id be pissed

VenusTiger · 08/02/2020 16:13

Yes I'd see it as a joke, but only because my DH would've bought me a present- usually chosen together. I think the f-off was unnecessary in front of the kids OP. You need to talk to him and say, you can take a joke but not at your expense.
Did your kids get you something (or with his help)?

SarahAndQuack · 08/02/2020 16:15

Oh, that's horrible! So you thought he'd nipped off while he was on his own and bought you something?

I don't think there's anything funny about that at all. I hate it when people claim a licence to be mean by saying it's a 'joke'.