Starting to hate motherhood.

[Cantthinkofausernametbh]

Hi everyone. I’m a single young mum, partner left me when I was 4 months pregnant. My ds is now 19 months old and defeats me most days. Will not sleep, sometimes will not go to sleep till five in the morning and then wake up at 8 refuse to take a nap and scream all day long. Tantrums are so bad he makes himself projectile vomit all over himself my carpets etc. He has no interest other than a phone or an iPad. I’ve got him plenty new toys over the Christmas period (mega blocks, ride on toys, wooden blocks, drawing board, hopper, little people play set) not interested in anything else. He cannot do much at all and goes through times where he will forget everything he knows including his name. Could say mama and now can’t. I try so hard to teach him to speak and he just won’t co operate, I sing to him, ask him to say stuff, speak to him lots, engage in playing with him, he has colourful bath toys which I repeat the number letters and colours over and over, I try to repeat myself as much as possible but it’s getting me no where. He gets fed up starts screaming and I give in and give him the iPad. I try to take him out but he refuses to walk and will scream if I take him in the garden where he has toys and chalk. Took him to soft play a few times but he was not at all too interested after about 30 minutes. Please give me some tips and tricks to make things easier for him, I think he screams because he wants to communicate with me but can’t. Been to the gp and they said there’s nothing wrong with him. What’s some ways you teach your little ones to speak? Or to play? Or any fun activities that keep them occupied? Please help

Toddler signing? Learn the signs for the songs and sign along with him?

Mr Tumble does some signed nursery rhymes that might be a good place to start if you're not able to attend a toddler signing class. Do you attend any regular toddler groups with him?

I was just about to recommend baby sign too. Takes away the frustration. When you're talking, you do one or two simple signs, he'll soon pick them up.
I'd recommend starting simple, yes, no, more, food, drink, sleep. It's amazing how quickly they can pick it up!

My little boy was like this. In fact, all 3 of mine drove me mad at that age. Hes still tiny, a baby really. It does get easier. My lb is 5 now, and such good company to be around. Hang in there, and don't feel bad about tablet and TV... ours watched less and less as they got a bit older and could do more

I think you need to talk to your health visitor. If he has lost words and knowledge he needs further assessment and early intervention is best. What did you say to the doctor?

That said, it’s possible that he is just really really tired a lot of the time and if he slept more he’d be more engaged. Does he sleep if you take him out for walks in the buggy?

Have you contacted the health visitor for advice? Is there a sure start center near you? There always lots going on there for under 5's and the plays groups are free there.

If he is really only sleeping for 3 hours then you need to involve your GP.

I'd say most children that present like this have a level of additional needs.

Use what you need to, to get you through this stage.

Speak to your HV and make an appointment your GP.

I think you need to push for some more intervention. The skills regression plus issue around sleep suggest there might be something more going on here

I agree that you should see a health visitor. This isn’t typical behaviour for a 19 month old

I would involve doctor or HV as others have said. That little sleep won’t be doing him any good.

I was wondering whether taking the IPad away completely would help? If it wasn’t there as an option?

not really got a lot of advice, but i know what its like to have a clingy whingy 18mo, especially when tired!
its just a case of repetition isn't it, drives me crazy too!
i hope you get the support you need...were there any Health care professionals at the group whom you could get advice from? x

Hi everyone thankyou for your replies, I tried sign language when he was a baby and he could sign no for me which was great!

He’s not sleeping because he’s Getting lots and lots of teeth all at once which I really do feel for the poor little baby but I’m function on absolutely zero sleep and doing weird stuff during the day out of pure exhaustion (putting shower gel on my toothbrush). I got more sleep when he was a newborn. I do usually take the iPad away completely and turn the tv off but after half a day of moaning and the house being a absolute tip it’s easy to give in and i hate myself for not having it in me to fight. I have been to the gp and although he’s not speaking he maintains eye contact and if he wants to can interact with other etc I just feel like half of the time he just chooses not to his only words are “ten” “go” and “no”. How can I change this? I’m desperate for him to be ok when he starts nursery and be able to get along well with other children as well as be able to communicate his needs.

It sounds like he has an addiction to the iPad too.
Tell him it is broke. My DS has made huge progress since I cut ipad time to one hour a day.

I think getting back to the GP is good advice, forgetting words is something that needs to be looked at.

I’d also say though, they are hard work at that age and they have horribly short attention spans sometimes. 30 mins at softplay for an 18month old is plenty. Instead of toys, why not try random stuff you’ve got in the house - like banging pots with spoons, clothes pegs in a bag, those wee plastic balls the washing liquid goes in, a basin of soapy water, plastic cups with an inch of water in the bottom so he can pour, an old mobile or remote control - never met a kid yet that didn’t like pressing buttons! Good luck, it’s tough age.

What happens if you sit and play with him? Do you both manage to get out and about? Library? Park?

I honestly think a big factor is the iPad. He is overstimulated so nothing else that requires a bit of attention or slower activities interests him. Cut it out completely, go cold Turkey. It will be utter hell for a first few days but he will come around.
Might be worth taking him to the gp if you feel his sleep isnt improving.

Please take him to the health visitor, this doesnt seem right at all x

If you need off time sometime, I think TV is far preferable to the iPad. They are horribly addictive devices and kids will happily stare and swipe the whole day. Plus with the TV you can comfortably sit next to him and chat/read while he watches..it’s at least semi social.

Agree with pp saying take the iPad and phone away. I find tv is fine as they go between watching it and playing but when mine have a screen they literally won’t do anything else and would sit there for hours. The first few days might be hard but stick with it. I would also go back to the gp or talk to your health visitor about the sleep.

I agree with PP- remove the iPad. Mine was a TV addict at four months- she'd do nothing but state at it and got fussy if it wasn't on- so I totally banned it. Her attention span now is pretty good for her age and I've only just started letting her have the TV on for about twenty minutes a day at 19 months (but may knock that on the head as she's started to ask for it). Screen time does have a massive impact on their concentration.

Its a frustrating age and must be hard doing it all on your own. I'd recommend a daily routine to try and keep you sane.

7am wake up, get dressed and go downstairs
7.30am breakfast
7.45am 15 minutes TV while you tidy up breakfast. I also put tea in the slow cooker at this time
8.00am play
9.30am outing
12pm lunch at home
1pm-2.30pm nap or quiet time if he doesnt nap
3pm outing
5pm tea
5.30pm 15 mins TV while you clear up tea
6.30pm bath, stories
7.00pm bed

I did this every day without fail so even when the days were really shit I at least knew what we were doing and when. But you might not be someone who enjoys routine so feel free to ignore!

Please talk to your health visitor. I’d be really concerned that he’s lost skills he previously had.

His bad sleep and having to do everything as a single parent must be making you so tired. Du tout have homestart in your area? It's a charity that helps parents who are experiencing difficulties. They may be able to help you out a bit.

Ok a few suggestions:

1. sorry but please try to stop the ipad, swap it for tv at least
2. take him out of the house as much as possible. Will he go in a buggy ok? If so, lots of walks, trips to the shops, when the weather is ok. Give him snacks in the buggy if that helps keep him happy, or a toy that clips to the buggy. He might even nap if you time a long walk just after lunch.
3. don’t worry too much about the speech yet, he’s only 19 months. Keep an eye on it though and if he’s not making progress by 2 then back to the GP or HV for hearing test and development assessment.
4. baby nurofen at night for the teeth - it works a lot better than calpol IME. If he still can’t sleep all night even with the nurofen then back to the GP.

Good luck. Getting the sleep sorted is the main thing, no toddler is going to be great on so little sleep. It’s not you, tired toddlers are the pits.

If it helps, my DD could say 'Mama' at seven months, stopped at about 11 months and hasn't said it since. There were a couple of months when she had lost Mama and could only say two other words, which was concerning. She's gaining words all the time now though and has well over 200 at the moment, but still doesn't say 'Mama'. What other skills has your DS lost?